Jonah's pov
My mom wakes me up with an envelope in her hands, she hands me it before leaving my room. I let myself wake up a little before opening it, it was 11am already. I read my name on the envelope automatically realising who it's from, my heart raced as I carefully opens the letter. I didn't know what to expect, I didn't want to what was inside. I pull the letter out, it was delicately folded which only gave me more reasons to know who it was from. I open it revealing a long paragraph all in her handwriting.
Dear jonah,
I've decided that we can't continue this, I know we've been friends for years and now that my secret is finally out..and you don't feel the same. I think it's time, I never wanted to this but this is the only way that will work. Im writing this letter to say goodbye, thank you for all the years of constant fun and happiness, thank you for being such an amazing friend, you've become a big part of my life which is what makes this 100 times harder. I love you so fucking much jonah, so much that I can't do this anymore. I can't continue to be your friend, I can't continue to hurt myself like that. I usually never think of myself and even in this situation I'm not only thinking of myself. The only way to make this easier for me..for the both of us, is to end it all. So this is a goodbye message, I will cherish these memories we've made together, cherish the things you've taught me etc. Maybe years down the line we can reconnect, talk about our lives and how much they've changed, talk about our families and all that stuff. Im sorry it has to end this way but I can't think of any other way, I wish it didn't have to be this way but it is. Nothing will every change if we stay friends, this isn't your fault. Its mine and that's why I'm leaving, that's why I'm writing this letter. This hurts me so much but it would hurt more if I stayed in the sidelines for the rest of my life with you, I don't want to feel that way. A broken heart needs time to heal, you never intentionally hurt me, it was all in my head. So I guess this is the end..no more Lucy and Jonah, no more jo jo and lu. Goodbye jonah, don't completely forget about me. I will always love you:/
~sincerely Lucy
My bottom lip quivers and tears roll down my face, just like that? All of it, gone. She threw us out the window, I didn't want it to end like this. I never want any of it to end. I re read the letter reliving the horror I read before. I got up from my bed and ran, I ran down the stairs and out my front door. The hot afternoon sun and gravel didn't stop me, I ran with tears streaming down my face. She can't leave me, she leave us just like that. She deserves more then me but that doesn't mean she can just throw us away. I still love her, and need her.
I knock on the door over and over waiting for her to answer. The door flies open revealing some one I didn't expect "Jonah?" Ethan looks at me confused, I didn't know what I looked like but I knew I was red and covered in my own tear "wheres lucy?" My voice was shakey, Sofia comes to the door and frowns at me "Jonah" she was quiet, she knows what happend "where is she?" I squeak, Sofia looks at the ground "She's gone" Ethan stays quiet between us "where!?" I almost yell, Sofia looks at me "I have no idea, her and Daniel left for the airport this morning" I grit my teeth, of course Daniel went. My mind couldn't choose what feelings it wanted, I was angry, sad and hurt. "Why?" I croak and fall to the ground, Sofia comes to my side "I'm sorry Jonah" I covered my wet face with her letter "She's gone?" My voice barely audible, Sofia puts her hand on my bare shoulder "for now, she wants to move on Jonah. I know it's hard but its the way she wants" i pull my hair out of frustration "IT ISN'T FAIR, I LOVE HER" Sofia flinches, but she didn't move away from me "I know Jonah, just give her this, let her grow" I stand up throwing a punch at the side of the house and Sofia screeches, pain shoots all over my body. Ethan grabs me pulling me away from the house, my hand was covered in blood and cuts. I knew I broke it but I didn't want to go to the emergency room and I wish i didn't scare Sofia "I'm sorry sof, i-i didn't mean to scare you" Sofia ran to us "Jonah you need to get to hospital right now, you're losing a lot of blood" I begin to feel dizzy, Ethan pulls me to a car that I can only guess is his "I'm fine, take me to Lucy! I want lucy" I groan, I feel myself blacking in and out. Sofia tries to talk to me but all her words sounded like gibberish. The last thing I remembered was her scared face, "I didn't mean to frighten you" *Jonah blackouts*
When I wake up I'm in a hospital bed with a cast around my hand, I look around the room and realise it was dark outside and I was alone. I didn't quite remember some of things I did but the main part I do is the pain I felt after reading her letter, the only relief was the punching of her house of brick. The quick punch relieved the pain for a few minutes before I finally blackouted. The door opens pulling me from my thoughts, a lady with similar hair to Lucy walks in "oh you're finally awake" she smiles and I nod, my head throbbed from crying "I'm just gonna ask you a few questions okay?" She stands beside me writing down on her notepad as I answered each question. After about 10 questions she leaves me alone in the room again. I wish it didn't end this way, I wish I can go back and fix all of this, fix me, so I'm worthy enough of her love.
On the table next to me is the letter, I pick it up starring at the page. She's gone, and there's nothing I can do because even if I found her she won't let me back in. When Lucy decides anything it takes her awhile go change her mind. Maybe one day everything will change, everything would go back normal but for right now I have no idea what to do with myself. Although my heart wants me to lay in bed and mourn her even though she isn't dead, the only thing dead is us. My mind wants me to thrive without her but it will take me a little before I can partly recover.
I have to move on even though it will be hard but she's moving on and I must move on I just wish I could have said a goodbye but she didn't want that so I must respect that. All good things must come to an end, right? Even if it was to soon, it was gonna end one way or another. A knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts and I wipe away the tears and placed the letter on the table.
My mom walks in, she smiled at me "I'm so glad you're up, I came in earlier and you were still asleep" she walks to my side and moves the hair out of my face, my dad walks in too "good evening" he smiles and stands on the other side of me. I didn't want to tell them about Lucy but if I didn't they would bring her up until I answered "mom, dad I have to tell you something" I looked at my cast, and they stay quiet letting me speak "Lucy and i- um we're no longer friends" hearing the words fall from my lips stung, I can't believe this is happening "why?" My mom's voice was a low whisper, I couldn't look them in the eyes, "she said she loved me and I told her she deserves better than me, and she wrote me a letter saying goodbye. She doesn't want to see me anymore to get over me" my tears clouded my eyes, my mom's hand held on to my hand that wasn't broken "oh..jonah" I knew she was sad, she loved Lucy. She loved her almost as much as I do, she would always tell me we would end up together but my own conscious ruined it. "Why did you say you weren't good enough son?" I turn to look at my father, he had frown on his face "because I'm not dad, Lucy is one of the most amazing people in this world. She doesn't deserve someone who will just hurt her, she deserves all the happiness and love in this world. Hell she deserves the whole world and more and I can't give that too her" he nods and clears his throat "that isn't your choice jo" I look at him confused, "jonah" my mom says, I look at her "what your dad means is you shouldn't have told Lucy that, she knows you like the back of her hand, she knew what she was getting herself into and it was her choice to love you and you took that away from her and instead of fighting with you she walked away. You may not realise this but walking away from you was probably one of the hardest things she's ever done, but you left her with no choice." She was right, I never listen to her. I've never wanted to turn back time then I am right now. I want to make everything right again, I want to fix all of this.
The doctor comes in telling me I could go home, I got changed and left with my parents. I folded up the letter slipping it into my pocket, when we arrive at the front desk to check out i see sofia. She stands up, she smiled but I knew she was worried about me. "Hey um I'll be right back" my mom nods and I walk over to her, "do you feel better?" She sent me a fake smile, I looked at my arm "I guess you could say that" she laughs lightly "I'm sorry Jonah, I wanted to tell you but I promised Lucy I wouldnt" she looked at the ground avoiding my eyes, I hug her "don't be sorry sof, it's not your fault. Its no one's fault but my own" I sigh, she lifts up her head "don't blame yourselves either, maybe this is all for the better" I shoved my uninjured hand in my pocket "maybe for her" she shrugs "she told me that this might be a perfect way for her to finally pursue a singing career and maybe you can do the same" I swallow hard "she wants to be a singer?" Sofia nods as if I was asking a dumb question "she never told me that" I frown looking at the ground, Sofia let's out a breath "she never told you because she never wanted to out shine you, she's always wanted you to be the singer. She told Daniel and I when you were gone, that's why she sang at her mom's wedding. She told us singing was your thing" she gave up her dream for me? Jesus I'm such a horrible person "I never knew that, I wouldn't have let her do that" Sofia let's out a sigh "that's why she never told you" I wanted to throw another punch at the wall, but I can't keep hurting myself. I meet Sofia' s gaze "can you atleast tell me where ever she is, she's safe" she frowns and puts her hand on my shoulder "She's safe jonah, I promise" I felt myself tear up again, Sofia hugs me "It's okay not to be okay jo, just promise me you'll stop hurting yourself" I sniffle, I nod into her hair. "I promise as long as you let me know she's okay" I pull away sticking out my pinkie she latches hers with mine "promise" we say in unison.
The two of us walk out the hospital together, she meets Ethan and waves goodbye. I get into the car with my parents, they stay quiet letting the radio play. All of me starts playing and I lean my head back on the seat closing my eyes, the memory of Lucy and I on the dock replays in my head. Her head laying on my shoulder as I sang to her, she was smiling and I was too. We were happy, that night was when I realized I had feelings for her. I didn't want to admit but I knew it, I didn't say anything though. I was always to scared and now that I'm not afraid to admit it, she's gone. Everything we ever shared, gone. The memories will always replay in my head, I will always remember her and the feeling she gave me. But I know it would take a lot to get over her if it's even possible. When I get home I go to my room finding some paper and a pen.
Hey Lucy, I don't know if you'll ever see this but I need to get this all off of my chest. You may not know this, but Lucy I liked you infact I loved you and still do but I know I'm not good for you. I understand now that it wasn't my choice to tell you that you don't deserve me because you know me, you know me more than anyone. You knew what you were getting yourself into but I took that choice away from you and I'm so sorry. The last 24hrs have been so difficult for me to gasps the fact you're leaving me. I did so many stupid things to you and you still stayed with me, but this was your last straw:( I wish I could turn back time and fix all of this, fix me, make me good enough for you because the truth is lucy, you deserve so fucking much, you deserve so many things I cannot give you.
I heard All Of Me on the radio tonight and I thought of the night we sat on the dock and you asked me to sing to you. I sang that song, I remember feeling like I was on top of the world, I remember realising i loved you more than a friend. The truth is I've always loved you, I always wanted you but I kept denying it. Now that you're gone, I'm no longer denying it, all this time I knew I did. But I guess it's like they always say 'you don't know you love it until it's gone' or whatever. Its stupid it took me until you left to finally see that. Gosh Lucy, why? Why did you fall for me? Why did you leave me? I know I messed up but why? All of this hurts me just as much as you. I feel as if you just threw away everything. It hurts so much Lucy, I'm not blaming you because I know I'm the cause of it. Im so so sorry, you don't even understand how sorry I am, I never wanted this, us, to end like that. I never wanted us to end, I've always wanted it to be Jonah and Lucy or lu & jo. You're a huge part of my life, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be where I am now. But you want it to be the end, and I'll respect that. Many tears and broken bones later, I'm sorry Lucy and I love you. I'll let you move on, but I know it will take me some time to heal. I don't want to give up on us, but you want me to so I will. Maybe we can reconnect one day, I hope you get all the happiness and love you deserve. And I hope your music career takes flight, you deserve it. I'll never forget the lessons and love you gave me, I love you Lucy </3
~jonah
I reread the letter, it felt good to let everything out but it hurt too. I took my cologne and sprayed it then put the paper in the mist letting it take the scent. I get an envelope and write Lucy on the front. I close the envelope and set it down on my desk, I stand up from the seat and stare down at the letter "I'll always love you lucy" I take a deep breath and left the letter, I try to fall asleep but I couldn't. Thoughts of her clouded my mind, it's hard to let go of someone who had such a huge impact on your life. I know she's not gone forever but it sure feels like it, it feels as though she died. The pain I feel is the same pain I felt when my family members die, she isn't gone forever Jonah. Our relationship might be gone but she's still alive, she's still out there. Although I won't see her, I know she'll be happy.
I get up from my bed grabbing the letter, I put on shoes and go to her house. I knock on the door with the letter, the door opens and it was her mother. She smiled at me then she looked at my hand "oh Jonah what happened?" I lift my arm "I uh punch your house" she frowns, confused "anyways I came here to give you this letter to give to Lucy" Sofia comes up behind her. I handed her the letter "um she's not here right now, why don't you come back" she tries to hand me back the letter "I cant" she raises her eyebrow "mom" Sofia says, I was taken aback, I didn't realise she called her mom. "Lucy and Jonah aren't friends anymore" I look down at the ground, her mom doesn't ask questions "I'll put this in her room, I'm sorry jo" I nod walking away "thank you"
"You're welcome" her voice was faint as she closed the door. This is gonna be so hard, God damn it. I run my fingers through my hair pulling on it "FUCK" I scream, I fall onto the gravel of my driveway. I begin to cry again "WHY?" I scream again, "I'M SORRY" I fall back onto the ground. "Why?" I whisper.
💭
:((
Another long ass chapter, you're welcome
Poor Jonah:'/