A/N
Well just a heads-up, this is a sad chapter. To me it's one of the bluest ones that I've written so far.
Sorry this is a late update but homework for the best of me. And targets because I wanted to finish it earlier before it was due.
But enough about me. Please read, vote, comment, and enjoy!
Next Update: Tuesday
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His Broken Angel
Chapter Forty-Nine: I Promise
My head hit my headboard repeatedly. I stopped counting when I reached thirty-seven.
It ached when I finally stopped. I wanted to cry out, to tear out my hair and scream. More tears spilled down my cheeks as I realized how far I've gone.
First it was my cutting, then it was my bulimia. Then all the lies. And everything seemed to vanish the day of my birthday.
I hit my head one more time.
"Maggs!" Claire yelled. She opened the door to my room, and I backed up into the corner of my bed. "We have to go."
More tears spilled down my cheeks.
I shook my head slowly as she sighed. "I don't like this either," she sighed, "but you need help. This is for your own good-"
"No!" I shouted. "I'm not leaving! I'm not going to a fucking clinic!"
More tears.
I noticed the water forming in her blue eyes. It made me feel more guiltier than ever.
Claire approached me, she held out her arms, hoping for me to embrace her. I scooted more into the corner.
"Maggie. You're going-"
That's when I threw myself at her. I wrapped my arms around her waist, with her stumbling back a bit from my sudden action. I hugged her with all my might as more tears trickled down my chin.
"Please, Claire!" I cried out, "p-please don't make me go! Please!"
More pleads escaped my lips.
"Please! I promise that I'll do whatever you want! Just not this. . . I'll take all the necessary medications, but please don't make me go," I pleaded, my sobs escaping me uncontrollably.
Sadness washed all over her expression. My arms gripped around her tighter, more pleads leaving my mouth. More promises that would soon be broken.
"Please don't make me go!"
I could already hear Claire's sobs before she finally yelled, "Stop!"
I tried controlling my sobs, taking deep breaths before unwrapping myself from her. I looked up at her, responding to her with glassy eyes and a red puffy nose.
"Look," she tried saying calmly. "I promised Harry and Alex that I wouldn't fall into this! That you needed. . .you have to go to this clinic."
Soft words mixed with sobs left my mouth.
"But I also told them that you needed another chance," she said. My expression suddenly filled with hope, causing her to sigh calmly. "I managed to convince them. But one more of these attacks and I'm taking you myself to that clinic."
I nodded my head quickly, hugging her before saying thank you numerously.
******
I looked around the room. Everyone seemed so calm. What the hell?
It's just me, I thought.
If I had another panic attack like the last one, I'd be sent to that hell hole that would only worsen my health. I mean, my health wasn't that great. I knew that my emotional and mental health were going haywire.
They weren't perfect.
"Maggie!" Nikki whispered behind me. I turned my head briskly to face her, fear in my eyes.
"What?" I whispered back.
"Please explain this stupid problem to me."
I nodded my head, almost unsure of my action before helping her.
All my nerves kept kicking my gut. I just wanted to get out of this room. My eyes continued looking around, focusing on everyone.
How were they so calm!?
Everything made me feel anxious. I couldn't control my emotions.
I almost wanted to cry.
All this time I had been trying to do one problem for the past hour, but more memories began invading my head. They were bad ones, ones that were nightmares to me.
Last night I had the same nightmare again. I hadn't dreamt it in a while which only made me feel more scared of my surrounding.
I tried not to scream after I woke up. Even that would alarm everyone living in the same house as me. Then they'd send me to that clinic.
That hell hole.
Once the bell rang, I sped out of class, ignoring Nikki's yells behind me. I went to my locker and tried getting everything that I needed for my next class when a shadow grew over me.
I gulped.
"Maggie?" Reese said behind me.
I blinked a few times to regain my focus. I cleared my throat and turned around, trying to hide my fear and anxiety.
"Y-Yeah?" I stuttered.
That's a good way to hide your fear!
"You okay?"
No. After Reese had seen me like that at the hospital, I've been trying to avoid him. I didn't want him to ever see me like that. . . I didn't want any of my friends seeing me like that.
What would I say now? Oh hey guys! I had a terrible childhood where my father abused me until I started cutting myself and got bullied to become bulimic!
I hated myself for even saying those words in my head.
"I'm. . . Im fine," I said, my voice faltering a bit.
"I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out? Come over to my house?"
I tapped my fingers against my textbook, my lips pressing tightly together. "Um. . . I really can't," I mumbled.
"But-"
"I just can't," I muttered before pushing past him. I walked faster and faster until I reached outside, leaning against the wall before breaking down.
My books had already fallen to the ground as I covered my face with my hands. I tried controlling my breaths, but each time I tried, my breath only hitched. One after the other after the other.
I finally kneeled down, placing my head against the wall before looking up. Everything would've been so different if she were here. If she didn't die because of that fucking disease then she'd still be here with me. With Alex.
She'd be here to give me hugs whenever I needed them. To give me kisses on my cheeks or forehead when I wanted them.
More tears poured.
My life would be turned around if she were still here. If she were here, I wouldn't be like this. I wouldn't be this anxious person who didn't even trust herself!
I hit my head against the wall.
"I miss you," I whispered to myself as I looked up at the sky.