Reviewer: _Swaralee_
A'roya by kalistawriteslol
Thank you for choosing me to review your book!
Review: A'roya
Cover: 10/10
*chef's kiss* simply stunning. I don't know if you made it yourself or someone else did. Whoever did it, it's probably one of the best covers I've seen on Wattpad.
The image used shows the main character, the text used is of an impressive font and goes well with the image. It's not too crowded or too plain. The 80/20 rule is followed. It's perfect. I loved it!
Title: 10/10
Making the main character's name a title is sometimes a brilliant idea, this is one of those times. It's simple. No mysteries behind it.
Blurb: 09/10
The blurb is doing what it needs to do: show a glimpse of the story without giving away the entire plot. We meet the main character and the main conflict and that's enough to convince the reader to dive in.
Opening/first impression: 09/10
Strong start. It sets the tone of the story, presents the character's personality perfectly and we know exactly what to expect going forward into the story. Great way to define the true conflict without sounding cliché.
Just the first few sentences tell you everything you need to know about A'roya and Derek's relationship and that's hard to pull off, but you did it!
Plot: 05/10
It's a plot we have seen done before, so we kind of already know what's going to happen next.
The vampire part; I was looking forward to it after reading the blurb. But it was very underwhelming when it came up. With stories dealing with supernatural aspects, even if you want to intertwine it with ordinary people and life, there needs to be that, "Wait, what? He's a vampire?!" reaction even if we obviously know that he's a vampire. There needs to be a certain build-up, a surprise moment.
The other major factor contributing to the plot is, I believe, A'roya and Derek's marriage and how the not-working of it and him being the worst human possible pushes A'roya to seek out of this marriage. And it helps, I guess, that she has a vampire mate.
Dialogues: 06/10
I always suggest every writer I come across to start a new dialogue in a new paragraph, especially if it's on Wattpad. That way, the flow of reading gets better.
One of the main things that dialogues need to do is define a character, or at least make the character saying them look like an individual person so the readers can get a better understanding of the different personalities. And for this particular instance, you managed to do that for some characters but not all. But it's still readable, so that won't be the immediate issue you need to solve.
Characters: 07/10
I like how bold and confident A'roya is. She deserves to spend time with her girl friends and party and I can't believe I'm about to say this but I kind of get why she is so wild when Derek's not around.
I feel empathetic towards A'roya, and I hate her mother for marrying her off to this monster. Even people around her don't respect her. However, A'roya can be really difficult to like at times and maybe that's what you were trying to achieve. So there's that.
Derek is a cheater and piece of crap and A'roya doing everything he won't tolerate somehow feels justified.
The side characters could use a bit of work and rebuilding with respect to their personalities if you think they are going to be important for the future direction of the story. If not, please reduce the number of people that show up in the first few chapters. Keep the only ones necessary for the plot.
Quality of conflict: 06/10
Firstly, it is a very serious topic you have decided to take upon and a very important one at that. It takes courage to talk about domestic abuse. Needless to say, it needs to be tackled with utmost care. Which you did. So great work there.
Secondly, the whole vampire and mate side of the story. As I said, a little more attention and editing to that part will fix that small loose end of the book. Apart from that, it's a very interesting idea. It's something that I would find myself reading and enjoying.
Writing skills: 08/10
The infamous dot technique to create suspense might work in a blurb but within the book, it needs to show up only when it's absolutely necessary, or else it pulls you right out of the narration. And even when using the dots, remember to go for just three. It works impactfully that way... trust me. (See what I did there?)
In terms of vocabulary and writing style, you have done a pretty good job. There were very few mistakes I found but that could be eliminated with a more thorough editing. Other than that, the grammar was fine.
Reader enjoyment: 07/10
Did I enjoy what little sexy scenes and dirty talking I got to read? Yes. Will I go back to read them again? I prefer not to admit it.
Apart from that, it was an enjoyable read for me.
The story does need heavy editing though, it can use a little cutting out of the unnecessary paragraphs.
But personally, I loved my time with it.
Total: 77/100
Other suggestions: I would say, prioritize what needs to stay in the story; characters, scenes, dialogues, for it to further the plot and better the narration. Remove the extra, filler ones.
That's all I have to critique on that matter. And as I said, I genuinely had a good time reading it. I might go back to finish reading the book. Hope there's a happy ending though *fingers crossed*.