Sometimes I wonder about the things she could've accomplished if she were still here. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she were still living. Her bright smile and raging brown orbs. If they were still roaming the earth, searching for something. Searching for more then what she was given. Searching for a new life in which she deserves.
But she isn't here anymore.
And it's my fault.
She was so loving, kind too.
She was a child. She never even made it to her teen years.
All because of me.
But I can't help but wonder, if she were still here. If she were still here, would she be happy. Would she have found a lover, a soulmate when she grew up.
But all these questions are left unanswered.
Because she is dead.
And never coming back.
And I need to accept that.
But I just can't.
And never will.
I stared at the pages in front of me, contemplating whether I should rip them out or keep them in.
I stared a little longer before shutting the leather cover and adjusting the picture lodged in between the pages. I stood up and stared around my room for a few moments. I put the small notebook into my pocket and sighed.
Although I was surrounded with people in this house, I had never felt so alone.
My siblings and parents don't live here, they live in an estate a couple neighbourhoods away. They had only been over because my father and brothers insisted on giving a hand with work, especially because we needed to get Victoria on board.
They left today, leaving me alone in the estate.
I roamed around my bedroom for a few seconds before going over to the balcony. The slight wind hit my face and forearms as I leaned on the cold bars made of steel. The sleeves of my dress shirt had been folded up as they had been for a good couple hours.
The view from my room overlooked a large plain of land, covered in her favourite flowers. Alstroemerias, Azaleas, Lillies and hydrangeas covered the land, spread out like a blanket.
Almost no one ever goes out there, even me. We can't bare remembering our loss. I stared for a little longer, hoping that maybe if I stared long enough, I would see her again.
A small figure ascended through the plain. My body relaxed and I quickly rubbed my eyes in disbelief. I looked a little harder and disappointment was cast upon me.
The figure was too tall to be her.
I looked a little closer but the only thing I could make out was long hair.
A mole, an outsider?
The figure turned around for a brief moment, the moonlight lighting up a face.
I recognised her features instantly. Her curly hair and large eyes.
Victoria?
I began to feel anger and rage. I clenched my fists and turned away from the balcony.
That wasn't a place for her to hang out. It was a place she didn't belong. She had no purpose being there.
I abruptly left me room and slammed the door behind me, making a thud echo through the top floor. It's not like I would let anyone up here, the only person allowed up here is myself and a couple trusted people.
I went down in the elevator, my fists still tightly balled. I walked through the ground floor, passing all the closed doors and the kitchen. I went down the corridor all way at the end of the hall. I opened the door and stood on the porch, watching her.
She had her phone to her ear, her cheeks rosy from the slight cold.
"No you listen here," she demanded. Her voice was shaky but very demanding.
"If you ever try to contact me or my brother ever again. I will put led through your fucking head, dad," she snarled.
Brother?
"You're just the fucking sperm donor to our bitchy mother, nothing more you worthless piece of shit," she hissed.
I stared in disbelief.
Silas isn't her son.
"You never raised him you fucking pussy. It was your job as a father to raise the both of us. But no. You're such a fucking cunt that you backed down on the one responsibility you had. Keeping me and Silas safe," her tone was powerful, rage being sent across.
She was like no woman I had ever encountered. She was fierce and strong, stood up for herself.
"YOU DON'T GET TO CALL HIM YOUR FUCKING SON. HE'S MINE, MINE," she shouted.
Her breaths were heavy and her yells had echoed through the backyard. She had rage and hatred bottled up, she's hurt.
She looks it.
Her body shook like crazy and the tip of her nose redden. Even with only the moonlight to provide a light, I could still see the rosiness.
"Try to find us or try to contact us, and I'll hunt you down and put a bullet through your skull. You don't want to see the type of person I've become. Because guess what dad? I accomplished everything without the two shitty parents I had. I didn't need you then and I don't need you now," she scoffed. I quickly slipped back inside before she could see me. I walked down the hall and into the kitchen.
Why the fuck would she have lied for?
I was broken out of my train of though when I saw someone standing off to the side. I didn't turn toward them because I already knew who it was.
I turned to the sink and retrieved a cup from the cupboard. I filled it with water and took a few sips before leaning onto the island counter and turning to Victoria.
She stared at me for a moment before looking away.
"You hungry?" I mumbled. She looked up at me again and then shook her head. I nodded a little. I looked at her, she stared back at me.
"The flowers outside a beautiful," she said. I began to glare at her.
"You don't get to have an opinion about the flowers outside," I grumbled. She scoffed.
"Wow I was trying to be nice and that's what I get in return," she scoffs.
"Be grateful it's the only thing I said," I retorted.
"What the fuck is that supposed to m-
"Exactly what you think it means," I interrupted while putting my glass in the sink. I turned back around to her and saw her now leaning on the fridge.
I ignored her and opened it while she leaned on it. She was pretty light, not that it would have been a problem if she were a bit heavier.
"You know what? You're such an asshole. Your selfish and rude and only think of yourself," I shook my head and closed the fridge. I got close to her, making her take a few steps back.
"You wanna know what's rude? The fact that you're a liar," I snarled while cornering her. She was backed into the island counter with my arms trapping her in. She blinked a few times then laughed a little.
"You don't know shit about me," she scoffed. I narrowed my eyes and glared at her.
"It's nice to know that Silas is your brother," I hissed while glaring at her. She stared at me for a few moments.
"I don't know what you're talking about," she said. I watched her body language closely. Her hands shook the tiniest bit and the tips of her ears reddened. I had never see them do that before.
Her indication for lying.
"I'm not fucking dumb," I grunted, grabbing her throat. I pinned her down into the counter, her back flat on it while her legs dangled a little. Her face began to go a little red.
"Why the fuck did you lie?" I questioned angrily. She grabbed onto my arm with her hands and started kicking her legs a little, attempting to escape. I pressed a little harder and she began to gasp for air.
Her legs abruptly wrapped around my waist and pulled me towards her. It took my by surprise, I won't even lie.
I stared at her as she tried to kick my back with her heels. Her body was subtly grinding onto me, it was making me agitated.
And then she kicked my back really hard, making me groan and loosen my hold a little. She pushed off the counter and kneed me in the head. I got dizzy for a second but then it went away. I hadn't even noticed that she was on my back until she put me into a headlock. I stumbled back a little and shoved her into the walls couple of times but she wouldn't let go.
"Mother f-fucker," I rasped. She laughed.
"Manwhore," she chuckled while tightening her hold. I elbowed her in the gut a couple of times and she loosened. I pushed her off my back and she fell to the ground. I pulled my gun out and pointed it to her.
She stared at me not fazed.
What the fuck is wrong with this bitch?
"Before you point a gun at me, make sure it's loaded," she shrugged. I glared and opened the ammunition.
It was fucking empty.
I looked down at her and she had a smirk on her face. She reached into her pocket and threw several bullets at me.
They clattered on the floor in front of me, rolling around before eventually stopping. I scoffed and shook my head.
"What? Are you annoyed that I disarmed you without you noticing?" She questioned sarcastically. I balled my fists and stared down at her.
My eyes involuntarily traveled down to her body. Her complexion was nothing I had ever seen. Her ass was large and round, it looked even bigger when she was sitting down. The shirt she was wearing made her breasts stand out. The shirt strained them a little, defining their shape.
They were round and full, teardrop like. Her waist was pretty small. She was tiny compared to me, but most women were. She was a little above average height but was short standing next to me.
My eyes continued to travel a little before meeting back up to her face. She had a smirk on her face.
"Like what you see?" She questioned. I glared.
"Oh come on. Be a big boy and admit that you like it," she teased while slowly standing up. I got a little closer. Her back hit the wall and she looked up at me. I leaned my forearm over her head, caging her in.
Her eyes roamed my face, like she was studying me.
"Like what you see?" I mimicked. She smirked.
"No," she replied bluntly. I pursed my lips then sucked my teeth.
The tips of her ears burned bright red.
"Lying is a sin Principessa," I whispered.
"You would never know if I was lying or not," she shrugged. I leaned down to her ear and I saw her shiver a little.
"I know everything. The devil sees everything," I whispered in a deathly tone. She stayed still, not moving.
"If you think you're the devil, then you haven't seen anything I'm capable of," she retorted, almost whispering. I pushed off the wall and stared at her.
"Get the fuck out of my sight before I show you the devil," I seethed. She chuckled dryly.
"You can't scare something that people fear," she replied swiftly. She walked away from me but then turned back around.
"Oh also, your dick does a lot of talking. Get it under control before I chop it of," she smirked. I looked down at my pants and saw a small dent in them.
What the actual fuck?
"Nighty night," she giggled. She walked away, her hair swaying along with her body. I heard a door close, meaning she had gone into her room.
What the fuck.
Oh...
This bitch was fucking grinding on me. For fucks sake.
I shook my head in annoyance and went to my office. I grabbed a bottle of whisky and sat down at the desk. I spent the rest of the night there, contemplating every life choice and decision I ever made.
I used to drown myself in drugs. It was easier to cope with the pain when I did. I promised my mother and father that I would stop. I promised them because they told me they couldn't go through it again.
So I stopped. I stopped because I love my parents and would do anything for them. I stopped because I had my baby sister kneel in front of me and beg me to stop. I stopped because I had to be there for my family, I had to.
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And that's the end of chapter seventeen.
I hope you guys liked it cause I did.
I like how this is turning out so far. Please leave suggestions for the book at this comment.
Word count: 2182