I was sitting in the basement with Vincenzo and the three men from earlier. They were talking about something having to relate with the mission. I wasn't concentrating though.
I was concentrating on trying not to puke on the floor in front of me.
"Victoria?" Called Theodore. I looked up for a second then breathed deeply, trying not to puke. I looked back down and nodded a little.
"Yes?" I asked lowly.
"We're you listening?" Ares questioned. I shook my head, no.
"For fucks sake," Vincenzo muttered under his breath. I shook my head annoyed at him.
"Capo, she doesn't look well," someone mumbled. I couldn't identify who it was due to the pounding headache that was forming.
"Just repeat what you said and I'll leave," I mumbled. A string of curse words exited Vincenzo's mouth.
"Continue training your recruits down here and don't be late on the days you have work," he grumbled while walking to the door. I was seated in a chair while the rest of them were standing.
I ran my hands through my hair in annoyance and rubbed my forehead. Someone tapped my shoulder. I looked to my right and saw Grey standing next to me.
"Are you okay? You don't look well," he signed. I gave him I small nod and stood up. I walked towards a room and opened the door.
My group was waiting for me with Mylo. He gave me a small nod and I returned one.
"Okay, so I've showed them a couple of different models of guns and knives, getting them used to them. I hope that's okay," he whispered in my ear. I nodded a little but he just stared.
"You don't look well, I can take over for you, I don't mind," he said. I shook my head.
"I'm fine. Thank you for the offer," I thanked. He nodded, smiling a little and left.
I sat down at the desk, bouncing my foot up and down as I waited for silence. Once they realised I was waiting, they quieted down.
"Who here has murdered someone before?" I asked. They were hesitant to my question but all of their hands rose into the air.
"Everyone sit on the floor," I muttered. They chattered a little before reluctantly sitting down.
"Since all the hands rose, we will not be doing combat today. We're doing the mental side of training," I muttered. The room erupted into a fit of chatter. I opened the drawer and found a gun, marker and empty book. I took the gun out and cocked it back, shooting the ceiling.
They instantly quieted.
"Listen carefully. I tell you what to do, you don't get to decide what you want to do. Everyone will sit down. Don't make a fucking sound till I get back," I hissed. They nodded and I stood up, walking out of the room. I started looking around the room and noticed Theodore sitting in the corner on a chair.
He had the baby resting in his arms, smiling down at he or she. He looked up for a moment and saw me standing there.
"I'm sorry, I didn't see you," he said softly. I shook my head and smiled a little.
"It's fine. I was just wondering if you had some Panadol or aspirin?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded and dug through his pockets. He pulled out a foil holder.
He stood up and handed it to me.
"Chronic migraines," he shrugged while motioning to the package. I smiled a little and grabbed one of the pills. I had I look at it first.
Pills that are from the pharmacy are branded.
I looked up at him but he had a blank expression on his face.
"I'm not trying to poison you," he muttered. I looked down at the pill and saw the branding. I popped it in my mouth and dry swallowed it.
"I apologise," I mumbled while placing the packet back in his hand. He gave me a warm smile.
"It's okay. I get it. You don't know who you can trust yet," he smiled. I nodded, my lips curving upwards a little.
The baby in his arms began to squirm and whimper. You could tell it was a girl, she was absolutely gorgeous.
"Beautiful baby. Is she yours?" I said softly while looking at his arms.
"Yeah she is. Thank you," he whispered softly. We stayed silent for a few moments, staring at his daughter.
"She doesn't look like you," I chuckled. He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile.
"She looks like her mother. Splitting image," I could hear the sadness in his voice. He was sad.
"She passed a three minutes after she was born. She didn't make it," he whispered. I swallowed sharply. I looked him dead in the eyes.
"Don't look at me like that," he said. I furrowed my eyebrows.
"It's pity. Don't pity me. She lived a good life and I'm living without her. It's hard but I'm doing well and so is she. She's at rest," he assured. I nodded. We stared for a few more moments.
"Do you want to hold her?" He asked while searching my face for an answer.
I've always loved babies. I've always wanted kids of my own.
I don't think it's a possibility anymore.
I've been to OB after OB and they all tell me the same thing. The same stupid sentence that makes me want bawl my eyes out after the appointment.
And I don't cry often so it just shows how upsetting it is.
'It is unlikely that you will be able to have children or conceive'
It breaks my heart every time I hear those words but I've become accustom to it.
"Victoria?" Theodore called.
"Yes, I want to hold her," I whispered. He smiled and nodded, carefully handing me his daughter. Her head rested in the crook of my elbow while my other arm supported her back.
"What's her name?" I asked while admiring her beauty.
"Eliane. She's almost three months," he told me.
"I've always loved that name," I smiled.
"Yeah well my wife told me she loved the name so that's what I named her," he said. Eliane began to stir in my arms, babbling and yawning.
When her eyes slowly opened, she stared at me with her giant blue eyes. My heart melted.
She had thick dark hair, black even. Her eyes were the biggest I've seen and her long lashes extenuated the shape. She had a button nose and pouty lips.
"She's gorgeous," I smiled. He started laughing.
"And so are you," he chuckled. I could feel a blush creep onto my face, my cheeks radiating heat. I shook my head to contain my laughter but I couldn't.
I giggled a little and caressed her chubby cheeks with my index finger.
"I love babies. But me and kids aged from five to thirteen don't mix," I told him. He furrowed his eyebrows and crossed his arms.
"And why is that?" He questioned.
"I guess I don't have the patience to put up with their screaming, crying and obnoxious behaviour," I shrugged. He laughed a little.
"What? It's true," I said defensively. He laughed a little more before taking his daughter.
"She needs to be fed and changed so I'll see you a little later on. Okay doll?" He questioned. I rolled my eyes as my cheeks began to flush.
I waved goodbye to him as he walked up the stairs. I composed myself a little walked back into the room. It was silent just as I had asked it to be.
I sat back down on the desk and closed the door.
"Okay," I mumbled to myself. The group sitting on the floor in front of me stared, not moving at all.
"When I ask something, you raise your hand to answer. Am I clear?" I questioned.
"Yes ma'am," they replied. I nodded.
"Who was the first person you ever killed?" I asked. They all looked around at each other before hesitantly raising their hands.
"You in the back. Charlie is it?" I questioned. He nodded.
"The first person I killed was back in two thousand and fifteen. Seven years ago, I shot the wrong man," he said. I nodded.
"And with the knowledge of shooting the wrong man, how did that make you feel? Did you grieve or feel guilty?" I questioned while leaning back into my chair.
"I grieved for around four months. I still feel guilty but it's not like I can change the past and my mistakes," he said.
"And why do you feel guilty?" I asked while retrieving a whiteboard marker.
"Because the man had three daughters and a wife. Because I knew he had a family waiting for him back home," he almost whispered. I nodded. I stood up and walked over the whiteboard at the back of the room.
I wheeled it over to the front and started writing.
"Can someone define grief for me?" I mumbled. No one answered.
"Intense sorrow, especially caused by the death of a loved one," someone answered. I wrote it on the board then turned around.
I knew the voice belonged to this boy named Henry.
"Henry, that was you wasn't it?" I questioned. He nodded a little, his ginger hair falling onto his forehead.
"That's the partial definition of grief. Anyone want to add and statements or points?" I questioned. They looked around at each other before shaking their heads. I sighed and turned back to the board, adding a dot point.
"You can grieve the loss of feelings," I added. They started muttering.
"You can grieve the loss of others," I muttered while adding another point.
"You can grieve the loss of something that never existed,"
"And you can grieve the loss of yourself," I sighed while adding the last point. I turned back around and saw them with confused looks on their faces.
"Can anyone elaborate on what I mean by these four statements?" I questioned while going over to my chair. I wheeled it next to the board and saw, playing with the marker in my hand.
A hand rose into the air.
"Yes Hassan?" I questioned.
"Why are we doing this?" He questioned annoyed. I turned back to the board and ignored him. Chatter filled the room as they agreed with him.
"Something you boys will never understand is mental health," I mumbled.
They laughed at me.
I shook my head and just walked out of the room, slamming the door behind me. I walked around the room and went over to one of the walls with weapons.
I instantly spotted something.
Fake grenades.
I knew they were fake because the clip that you pull out was already pulled. You assembled it then pull it. It releases smoke, nothing harmful.
I grabbed one from the wall and quickly assembled it. I turned it over a few times just to find markings or writing.
There was a little bit of writing that said the smoke would be released after ten seconds of pulling the clip.
I went over to the room and opened the door. They were yelling at each other and fighting. I pulled the clip which instantly silenced them.
I smiled but they could tell it was forced and fake. I threw the grenade then ran out of the room.
I closed the door and locked it from the outside, pressing my body against it.
They started screaming and yelling, banging on the door. I began to laugh and giggle.
"GO GO GO, BREAK IT DOWN," Someone screamed. I quickly moved from the door as I knew there was the possibility I might get trampled.
I stood in front of the door and watched as the door began to bend a bit.
"GO GO GO," someone shouted. I moved back a little more as the door began to creek and break.
The wood began to chip and break, pieces flying from the door. The hinges broke, the door falling to the floor with the impact of the boys on the other side.
The boys toppled out falling onto each other.
"YOU BITCH, YOU FUCKING BITCH," screamed a boy named Callum. I giggled.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Someone screamed. I continued to laugh as they yelled at me. My eyes were tearing up from how much I was laughing.
I put a hand to my chest as I tried to calm down, I breathed in and out slowly.
Just as I was about to say something, someone grabbed my leg and pulled on it. I tripped and landed on my back, groaning in pain as my head hit the floor hard.
Everyone's voices became a little disoriented as my head began to spin. My stomach churned and it was seeing black dots and blurry figures.
Two boys were punching on with each other while the rest were surrounding me.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MATHEW?" An angry voice shouted. I could hear groaning and winced from the two fighting boys.
How funny would it be if I pretend to be really hurt and scare the living shit out of them?
Really funny.
It's not hard to pretend because it really didn't hurt like a bitch.
"M-Ma'am are you okay?" Someone asked. I waited for my vision to return to normal and it did. Lewis was a few other boys were standing over me.
I didn't reply just so I could scare them.
"Mathew she isn't responding you fucking dumb cunt," Lewis hissed while looking at him.
Mathew came around to my side, a worried look on his face.
"Shit. Is she dead?" He mumbled while scratching his head. He lowered his fingers to my neck to feel my pulse.
When he did I grabbed his arm and pulled him down, his body on top of mine.
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BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THE FUNNIEST THIS HAPPENED TO ME TODAY, I WENT TO THE SHOPS AND SAW SOMEONE STACK IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT I BURST OUT LAUGHING 😂.
Anywayyyy I really liked this chapter. What a bad bitch.
Preach to you Victoria.
Word count: 2375