Ariana's POV
Dalton was being extra clingy today after the news about y/n's company being ranked #1 in giving back since quarantine. She has an interview in a few minutes that's going live in a few minutes. I haven't spoken or tried contacting her. Why should I?
I dont want to watch this but Dalton does and I want cuddles so I'm just going along with whatever. Hes a little bit jealous of y/n. For what reason? I dont know. It's crazy. We dated for a split minute. I think about her, and sometimes being without her feels wrong. But I know I have attachment issues and as soon as someone else shows me their attention I'm gone. Not my best trait but at least I can acknowledge it. It's just taking a while to warm up to Dalton. Hes great and all but he doesn't understand the idea of space. Well I'm not one to talk but I'm better at it than him.
"Ari? You ready?" He asks taking a seat on the couch next to Toulouse.
I smile and sit on the other end. "Yeah man. Always."
The interview starts and I watch her face pop up on the television. Wow those lips. I rather watch Netflix at this point.
I broke her and now shes smiling. Shes the opposite of everything I left behind. Shes happy. Wow, I didn't think I would care about how happy she looks.
To be honest I wasn't really paying attention to what was being asked. I was so focused on y/n, analyzing every move and word.
But I was soon snapped from the trance.
"Uh yeah, Christine is an amazing person. I wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for her. Most of this was her idea."
Christine. It's crazy how I lost to Christine. Y/n wanted her and not me. I knew something about her was wrong, she was always there. And I hated it. I hate it now even more.
Okay Ari, calm down. I have Dalton. Dalton.
I move closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and wrap him arm around me pulling me closer. Y/n use to do that to get me to sleep.
"I'm gonna go get something to eat. Are you hungry?" I ask him scooting away.
"No thanks."
I walk into the kitchen and grab a carrot. I'm not even hungry. I glimpse over to the television and watch her eyes light up and that smile take over her face. The cameras went straight to Christine.
Why is she even there?
I take a bite of the carrot and walk up the stairs.
"Hey you okay?"
"Just peachy." I state through gritted teeth and walk to my room.
Even from all the way here I can hear her laughter from the interview. That should've been me. I should've been there with her. I could here the flirt in both their voices and I wish it was me even more.
I want her, but I dont want her. I hate that I had her and let her go. I wanna blame her for everything but that would make no sense since it's all on me. I hate that I let her go but someone else caught her.
I wanted to be that person. But how can I catch her if I let her go. I'm so torn now seeing her face. I stopped myself from visiting her Instagram. From searching her up. Every once in a while I'd see the y/s/n (your ship name) stand. But I never pay them attention to avoid any feelings being brought up. I made a mistake deciding to watch that. I couldn't even go 10 minutes without wanting to pull Christine away from her. I want them both. That's my problem. I want y/n for everything she is, and Dalton for everything she wasn't.
I need closure. I need to know where we stand. If I cant have her then I need to know. If I cant have her I dont know.
I had to remind myself that I have a boyfriend. My possessiveness over y/n was coming into play. Another toxic trait.
After about 30 minutes of be petting snappe Dalton walks in.
"I got coffee, not sure if you want. Wanna cuddle?" He says.
I force myself to not roll my eyes at him. He has no idea what space is.
"No." I snap.
"Oh... well, okay." He starts walking off.
I'm such a bitch.
"Dalton wait." I call after him stopping him in his tracks. "Can we cuddle, I dont feel so good." Yeah I lied, but so what. I want comfort.
"Yeah sure babe." He climbs in next to me and put snappe on the floor. I lay my head on his chest listening to his heartbeat while he runs his hand through my hair.
If theres anything I like about Dalton is how safe I feel with him. I'm not worried about anyone's comments towards us and hes not insecure about me. Or himself for that matter. Hes an amazing person. But I cant love him when shes running through my mind.
Sometimes I feel like I treat him as a booty call. That's how this started. And it's how it feels sometimes even though we're official.
I push his shoulders on the bed and climb on top of him.
😁😁😁.... k, bye for now😁
