So Many Things I Want To Say

Sick Tim

Shelagh entered the flat and lay down her wedding dress box, before removing her coat and scarf.
"Hello?" She called into the seemingly empty flat. As she Bagan to walk into the sitting room, she saw a glass of juice on the floor and Timothy lieing on the sofa.
"Timothy? Timothy! Wake up" she tried to pulling him up but she flopped down as he if was asleep.
"Timothy I need you to sit up" Shelagh said, her heart beat erratic.
"Can't" he said quietly just loud enough for her to hear.
"Timothy can you wiggle your toes?" Shelagh asked watching his feet intently. But they didn't move. She knew it straight away. He had polio.

Shelagh walked into the curtain, seeing just a glimpse of Timothy liying on the bed, helpless. It broke her heart. She loved Timothy as if he were her own and now he was hurt, it broke her soul.
"Stand back please mother" the nurse order holding her hand out.
"Please, I'm a trained nurse, I've seen polio before" Shelagh said her nervousness evident in her voice.
"Let's leave the diagnosis to the doctors shall we" the nurse said in the same monotone voice.
"I keep thinking of the things I should've done, or shouldn't have done. The things I should have spotted, but I didn't" Shelagh said her voice breaking with tears.
"Your immunities protected him throughout infancy and early childhood, he carried them with him for years, like a shield. But immunity wears off and your not to blame" the nurse tried to make her feel slightly better.
"But I'm not his mother, I should have taken greater care not less" Shelagh began to cry.
"If you are not immediate family, I'm afraid you shouldn't be in here. There are rules and as a nurse you should know that" the nurse began to usher her out.
"I'll be a footstep away. That's all" she cried.
Timothy wheezed trying to take a deep breath.
"He can't clear his throat!" Shelagh shouted before the nurse pushed her out.

Patrick burst through the doors of the hallway running through the halls as fast as he could.
"Shelagh!" Patrick said taking her hand.
"I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry" Shelagh cried. Shelagh watched on as Patrick walked onto the ward and straight over to Timothy. Timothy was Patrick's son, he will never truly be hers.
Shelagh left the ward, she walked and she walked, and she walked until she ended up outside the rescue center.
She wiped her eyes of tears then she walked into the rescue center, and followed the all too familiar sound of singing.
"Therefore, for thy name's sake, lead me and guide me. Pull me out of the net-" Shelagh sang along coming to stand in-between sister julienne and sister Monica-Joan. Sister julienne slowly took her hand, giving it a light squeeze. Sister Monica-Joan smiled at her and took her other hand. They all sang together as if they were all at Nonnatus once again. Together as a family again. Shelagh's absence would always leave a gap, no matter how many years passed by.
"Your to stay here tonight. In the morning, I will telephone the vicar and tell him your wedding is to be postponed for several weeks and why" sister julienne explained.
"What about the witnesses, and the flowers, Patrick ordered roses" Shelagh was concerned that it would all go to waste.
"I will deal with all of that too. It will be no trouble, your plans were so simple" sister julienne said studdying her face.
"I kept everything as small and quiet as I could" Shelagh frowned.
"Is that what you really wanted?" Sister julienne asked studdying her face.
"I don't know. I know I couldn't quite face that fact that it was happening. And now it isn't I think my heart is breaking" Shelagh cried.
"Your marriage will take place. It is meant to. We will pray for your new family in the meanwhile, especially for Timothy" sister julienne rubbed her arm soothingly. Shelagh began to cry, as sister julienne pulled the covers over her more.
"I'm so very glad that you came to us" sister julienne smiled.
"Are you?" Shelagh asked in disbelief.
"Did you believe for one moment that we wouldn't want you here tonight? That we wouldn't want you any night. That we wouldn't welcome you with open arms?" Sister julienne frowned, her heart breaking.
"I turned my back on you sister. I walked away, I became someone else" she frowned.
"You found joy, and I've never questioned it" sister julienne frowned.
"There is no joy now" Shelagh cried.
"But there is love. And it's Christmas, have courage" sister julienne said pulling her into a tight hug.
"I know what they mean now, when they say love hurts. I love them both too much, and if I wasn't so preoccupied with the wedding this wouldn't have happened" Shelagh's cried burying her face into her shoulder.
"There's no use in shutting yourself because of something you can't have, soon enough you shall be married and happy once again. No matter how much praying it takes" she smiled at her pulling her into another tight hug.
"Just you wait" sister julienne smiled hugging her tighter.