"And this is how you feel and you alone?" Mother Jesu asked.
"Yes mother" I said quietly once again looking at my busy hands in my lap.
"You do understand that this decision must be yours and yours alone?" mother Jesu asked.
"I do understand mother but I don't believe it is my decision alone" I explained.
"How so?" She asked.
"Patrick has a son from a previous marriage and it is my belief that it is our decision to make together. He wants a life with me, and I want a life with them" I explained still looking at my hands.
"That tells me your confident in your decision" she said sitting back in her chair.
"I think I am. Some days I knew him better than I had ever known myself, as we grew closer I saw all the little things no one seemed to notice. I fell in love with him, I love the way he crinkles his nose when he laughs and rubs the lines between his forehead when he's struggling with his work" I smiled thinking about him "I fell in love with the way he touched me without touching me, stolen glances in long corridors and smiles here and there" I smiled again "he's more than just a passing feeling, I love him mother" I admitted looking straight at mother Jesu Emmanuel.
"I know, sister julienne spoke to me multiple times for months. She knew and she told me that she caught you both-"
"Oh mother I promise it was nothing like that I'm not in the family way it was just a kiss-" Shelagh was silenced by mother Jesu raising her hand.
"I know you Shelagh and I know you have good intentions and you would only trust an honourable man" she smiled.
"Yes mother but I don't want you to think any differently of me" I frowned looking back at my moving hands.
"I don't think differently of you, you have an impossible choice put before you and you choose what was right for you with God there to guide you" she smiled kindly at me.
"Mother, I told him I wouldn't stay the week here, I only wish to stay as long as is required" I said quietly avoiding her gaze.
"That's also what I wanted to discuss. I would like for you to welcome our new postulants" she smiled.
"What mother?" I said finally meeting her eyes, my hands stilling for the first time in ages.
"I would like you to greet our new postulants, you are to greet them in the morning and stay for two days after that you may return to Poplar"
"I shall do as you wish mother" I said making her smile at me.
"Good" she smiled back.
YOU ARE READING
So Many Things I Want To Say
FanfictionShe was always hidden, never on show and always covered. No one knew the power of her voice or the secrets of her past. She was changing with the help of her friends and the man she loves. He was always needed. He rarely ever had time to spare. But...
