The Mistake | Colby Brock

Chapter One Eighteen-Hesitation

Jordan's pov
  "Dude you are not using my shower," Reggie protested, blocking the door with his body. "Dude, move or i'll throw you across the room." I said, leaning against the wall. He screamed, running past me across the room. "Told you she was going to threaten you." Cassie said as she handed me a towel. "Thanks" i smiled, taking it and setting the shower on. As i got undressed i saw all my cuts and bruises, don't even get me started on my scars. I saw all my scars as battle scars throughout my dreadful life. Over the years you learn to love each of them, they all tell they're own story happy or sad. I guess i got in the shower too early or something, because the water was ice cold. I tried to brush it off and ignore it, but every time i closed my eyes i saw flashes of the cold water from the dam. It's terrifying, really. Seeing everything just go to nothing with a blink of an eye. And your lungs feel trapped, you feel trapped, the more you try to swim up to the surface feels like you're going deeper. It's traumatizing, especially after coming back a few days after. I never talk about it really, because i know i've been through worse, but this one stuck harder. Not sure why. I made sure to scrub all my blood off, taking note as to why i hate my downside from my powers. Sometimes i just wanted to be normal and live a normal life. Go to college, get a job, maybe even have kids. But that all got thrown away after the age of seven. I think that was when i knew i wasn't going to get anywhere. That i will always be stuck in this lifestyle. At least now i had friends to support me with it. I would probably be dead by now if it wasn't for them, numerous times. When i finished i felt somewhat better, it was easier to get ahold of myself and the fact that i was going to sleep afterwards calmed me. But i kept thinking about what Aryia said at the hospital as i got dressed. About me having PTSD? Maybe i did and i just didn't want to admit it. But i was fine, i felt fine. "Hey you okay?" I snapped out of it, noticing i was already downstairs and i didn't even realize it. "Yeah, whatcha up to?" I asked walking over to him. He was cooking steak on the stove while listening to music, humming while he flipped it over. "Nothing much just cooking. Did you want some?" I shook my head, taking some lemonade out the fridge. When i went to get a cup out of the cabinet, a hand hovered over me, grabbing the cup for me. "Thank you," i said to Colby as i poured myself a glass. He was in a happier mood right now, not sure way, maybe he just had a lot of energy. But he kissed the top of my head, catching me by surprise as he put the container away. I looked over at Aryia, who wiggled his eyebrows at me, making me break a smile. "Do you have any fruit?" Colby asked, peaking from the fridge door. "Uh maybe in the back of the fridge, if Kevin picked some up the other day." Colby nodded, looking through the things. Aryia pointed his finger at us, mouthing to me "you guys a thing again?" I shrugged, just before nodding, then shaking my head. "What?" He asked, waving his hands in the air. "I'll tell you later," i mouthed back, making him nod aggressively. Aryia loved knowing about stuff like this, and i was happy i could trust him with it too. With him he kept it locked up, and sometimes i needed a rant. And so did he. But i didn't even know the answer myself, were Colby and i something again? I would have to remember to ask him later. "Hey i think im going to lay down," i said, putting my cup in the sink. "Now? It's barley like nine!" Aryia said, throwing his arms in the air as he pointed to the steak. "And i just made steak!" I laughed, but went in to give him a small hug. "I'm worn out, and i don't usually get a lot of sleep at night so this is a good thing." I laughed as i made my way to the living room. "I'll grab you guys some blankets." He said before turning the stove off and jogging up the stairs. I laid on the floor, the cold floor cooling my back. Colby walked in a few seconds later, laying next to me without a word. I turned to him, making him turn to me. "Can i ask you something?" I whispered, scared for myself. Well, if it was one thing i was good at it was getting the small things off my mind. And durning my current life crisis/situation, this was considered small. "Depends, i don't have any TacoBell on me." He joked, making me break a smile. Colby knew when i was nervous, even when i was locked away. Him joking helped my nerves, along with the ones he had and didn't even notice. "No but really, whats up?" He asked, his bright eyes burning into mine. I guess i zoned out into them for a second, noticing him place a hand on my cheek, his eyes never leaving mine. "What's on your mind?" I exhaled sharply, looking away for a second before back at him. "What would you consider us?" I asked, bracing myself for any answer. "What do you mean?" I felt like he knew what i meant, and he was just stalling to process it for himself, but i didn't comment on that. "This," i said, pointing from me to him. He didn't answer for a second, his own shocked expression on him, scaring me by the second. And before he could, Aryia came back with the blankets, and i caught the look on Colbys face. He didn't know what we were. And neither did i. So technically, that made us nothing. "Oh, am i interrupting something?" He asked, pointing away like if he was going to walk out. "No," "yes." Colby and i both have different answers. Guess which one was mine (the no). I sighed, standing up to grab the blankets from him, and thanking him before he left. "See you in the morning!" He yelled, taking his steak upstairs with him. "J," he started, but trailed off, not even bothering to finish. "You hesitated while answering. You didn't even answer." I said, my voice coming our desperate, killing me on the inside. I saw his face fall, but he didn't say anything, he couldn't. Because he couldn't even defend himself. He sighed, taking a slight step closer to me. "I'm sorry, i've been saying that a lot recently i know, but you have to believe i mean every one of them. I'm honestly, just as confused as you are. That's the only reason why i didn't answer you right away. I dont want you to think i would hurt you again, because i don't want to. I kind of don't want to rush it though, i just want to take our time that we need, you know?" I did know, because in a way i felt the same. I didn't want to get hurt by him again, but i also wanted to risk it all and just go for it. Taking the choice i wanted, i nodded, looking him in the eyes. "I know, i want to take it slow too." He nodded, before i turned my back to him and started moving pillows out of the way to sit down. It was a pretty big couch, roomy enough, but i didn't know if he wanted to sleep with me. I stacked all the pillows behind the couch, leaving a pillow for myself. Colby didn't say anything while i did this, but i felt his eyes on me, like if he was figuring out what to say. "Can i still sleep next to you?" He finally asked as i sat down, looking up at him. "Yeah," i nodded, patting the spot next to me. He turned the lights off before sitting down awkwardly, making me awkward. But i shook it off and laid down, patting the spot behind me. "Stop being weird," i whispered, pulling the blanket over me. "It's making me feel weird." He laughed, lightening up a bit, and laying next to me, his warmth warming me up as his arm draped around me, pulling me close.  "Thank you," he whispered, his head resting on top of mine. "For what?" I asked, returning a whisper as i reached down to hold his hand, tracing small designs on it. "For understanding me more than i understand myself." I smiled, knowing he couldn't see my face, but his words always made an impact on me, making another memory in my brain. "I only understand you so well because you're like me, we have some of the same mindset." I said. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He asked, chuckling that made his body vibrate. I giggled, shrugging. "Depends what part we're talking about." I responded my mind drifting, and my grip over his hand going weaker. "I say it's a good thing." He paused, noticing i was slowly falling asleep in his arms, making him pull me closer to him. "Goodnight crazy girl."