You've Created A Monster

Chapter 102

Lilith's POV

I can't do this anymore, I can't stop acting like I'm fine. I'm fucking dying on the inside, it's been about a month since Crimson's death and it hasn't gotten any easier. It's actually gotten harder, I can't even look at pictures of him because it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. It's not physical pain and that's the worst part of it all. I can't stop it and it won't stop.

I lay on my bed as I clutch one of Crimson's dress shirts to my chest. It still smells like him, it's one of the very few things that stop the pain in my chest. After I came back to life, I woke up in a morgue. I remember the feeling of the cold metal table against my back as I look over to the left of me. I saw Crimson's dead body, it was so pale. I could see the wounds from the bullets, it was horrifying to me. The wounds were so wide and disgusting, it was painful to see.  His eyes were closed and he had a tag on his toe. I had to get out of there and that's what I did, I ran. Then a few hours later I came back and discussed Funeral options, I chose for him to be buried instead of being cremated.

I visit his grave a lot, once a week to be exact. I arranged everything for his funeral, Xavier and I were the only to ones to attend. I leaned over his casket and I sobbed, I sobbed my heart out on his casket before it was lowered into the ground. The image of him choking on his own blood as he confessed his love for me will always haunt me. He didn't deserve to die, we could have had an ideal life, we could have gotten married and maybe even had children. But that's never going to happen, I'm never going to move on and I will never love another man. He was my one and only, he always will be.

There's tap on my door snapping me out of it. "Lilith? Are you in there?" A sweet voice on the other side asks. I don't recognize the voice but it sounds so familiar...I just can't put my finger on it. I get out of bed and leave Crimson's shirt on the bed. I open the door only to reveal a women with sapphire blue eyes with blonde hair. It's Crimson's mother.

"Uh, hello." I say awkwardly as she smiles at me, a kind gentle smile. She has the same dimple as Crimson. A pain surges through my chest as I focus on the leather book in her hand.

"Hello Dear, can I speak to you a moment?" She asks as I look her in the eye. Her eyes look almost broken.

"Of course." I step aside and she walk in before finding a seat and gestures to the seat in front of her. I hesitantly sit down and she hands me the leather book, her smile faltering.

"I figured that you might want this, I have another one back home."

"What is it?"

"Open it and you'll see."

I open the book and on the front page it says; Benjamin Charles The First, Born on December 24th at 11:59 P.M.

Oh my god, this is his baby book. I flip to the next page only to see a baby Crimson chewing on a bottom of a bottle. He was adorable, he had doe eyes. Big brown, doe eyes.

I flip the page again and he looks maybe six, he's holding a gun, a revolver of some sort to be exact. It looks like it's too heavy for him, his brows furrowed in concentration.

"His training ruined him." She says as I look back up to her only to see her staring at the picture. "It ripped his childhood away from him. He got so violent and uncontrollable when he was fifteen, it went down hill from there." She looks up at me as the pain in my chest returns. She flips through the pages before stopping at the last page.

"This is the last picture of Benjamin." She states as I stare down at it. It's in black and white, Crimson looks the exact same as the day he died, the only difference is the rage in his eyes, he's looks murderous. Tears fill my eyes as the pain in my chest worsens. This is the first time I've seen his face, god I miss him. I would do anything just to see him again even if it was one last time. I can't do this anymore, I can't live this life. A tear runs down my cheek.

"Oh sweetheart, don't cry." She says softly as she grabs my hand.

"I-I'm Sorry." I apologize as more tears run down my face.

"Don't apologize, I didn't only lose my son, my baby, my first born." Tears brim in her eyes as she looks down at the picture. "My husband may have died that night, but he didn't suffer. I watched my poor baby suffer and now you're suffering because of it Lilith. I heard everything you said to him, every single word." She says as she grips my hand.

"I-I love him, I love him so much it's killing me, I'm dying on the inside. I can't take this life anymore, I just want this life to end." I say as she smiles gently at me.

"Lilith, I know, believe me I do. But you have to continue living, living for Benjamin.  You're strong, so strong. Don't forget that. My son loved you, you made him happy, I saw it on his face during the Gala." She gently lets go of my hand before standing up. "You can keep the book." That's all she says before leaving the room. I stand up and leave the book on the bed before walking over to the bathroom.

I stand in front of the mirror and stare at my reflection. God, I'm a mess. My black hair is all over the place and there's dark bags under my eyes because lack of sleep and due to the fact that every time I close my eyes I see Crimson choking on his own blood. Every. Single. Time. His mother is wrong, so fucking wrong. I'm not strong, I'm just weak and pathetic. Pathetic, I've become what I hate most in the world.

Hey loves, look! I updated on time for once! Isn't this a surprise! Anyways, I plan to edit this as alway. I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit dull, it's more a less a filler because you guys wanted Lilith's POV and there's not much action happening with her...Yet.

I hope that you all are healthy and that you stay with way!

As I always say I'll see you guys next week!

P.S. Don't forget to wash your hands!