||Pretenders||☄️

(69).

"That Was Fucked Up"

     Why do we do bad things? Maxwell knew why. It makes us feel good sometimes but it doesn't always. Every bad thing so far has been great and this time, it felt like he'd die if he was being caught. It did feel like he was dying the more he keep it hidden from her. Those pretty blue eyes she stares at him with, he did not want to see the tears in them when he tells her what he did. She'll hate him so fucking much and he can't deal with it.

     The more he kept this hidden, the more it kept happening. How does he look at her, beg for forgiveness and tell her, "Alicia, I fucked up. You were right about me. I'll always be a dick." He can't. He really can't. He drove her to work on the last working day of the week, which was Friday and she saw how tensed he was. Maxwell didn't know how to make it up to her and look at her in the eye. He didn't want to hear her tell him she hates him. It will break him down.

     She sat in the car staring again with those big blue sad eyes. He smiled lightly at her and she held his hand. "Are you sure you're okay?" She asked. He was not. He was fucked up.

     "Totally." He said and she smiled. "I'll pick you up after work. Have something to say to you over dinner."

    "Okay. Take care." She pecked on his cheek and he held her warm little hands to kiss her properly. She will hate him so much after dinner. She'll never look at him this way and he'll hate himself for making her look at him with disdain and disgust on her face. What she hated most was those tears that will pour down her little cheeks. He'll look like a fucking bastard who just hurt another girl. They were all not worth it but for Alicia, he was damn positive he'll build a world for her if she wants him to. She won't see him as that kind of person anymore. She won't believe he loves her. "Max, you're squeezing me."

     "I love you."

    "Yeah I love you more. Can you let me go now? Don't want to be late for work." He let go off her and she breathed out. "Text me when you miss me. I'll get work off early today." She waved and got down from the car. Maxwell smiled at her. She met a colleague and they headed inside the building together. These were all part of his lies. He called Luna and he heard her vibrator buzzing.

     "Can you turn that off? It's too early for this." He said to her and she laughed.

    "I don't have a boyfriend and keep your nose out of my business."

    "Hey, how did it feel when you found out your boyfriend has been lying to you?"

    "That motherfucker?" It wasn't going to be good. "I wish he's a dead man. He lied about every single thing about himself just to get in my pants and come after my money. You know he's the reason why I backed down from the company. To think we were going to get married and all that shit still makes me so mad when I think about it. I should've just killed him."

     "Will you ever forgive him?"

     "Hell no!" She yelled on the phone and he had to keep it off his ears. "I'm living so good without him. He hurt me and we're done."

    "Okay... I'll talk to you later." He hang up on her and put his head against the wheel. "I'm such an asshole." He drove back to his apartment and Alia smiled at him. She pecked him on the cheek and he walked away from her.

      How this day escalated quickly was beyond him. In just some hours, Alicia was getting off work and Maxwell had to pick her up as discussed. She came running out of the building in smiles and sat in the car, hugging him. "I missed you." She beamed.

      "Me too." She looked at him nervously and he drove off. "How was work?"

     "I don't really know. I was just excited to see you throughout the day." She picked up her phone to play games and he found the strength to breathe again. The drive to Rosie's Inn was calm. He chose this place so the drama would be less or Dawn could comfort her after this. Alicia ordered chicken wings with fries and Maxwell ordered a glass of water. There was no appetite. He let her finish her food and she smiled at him. "You've been staring at me."

     "Yeah. Got something to say to you."

     "Okay." She smiled.

     "You know I love you, right?" Her smile was fading and his hand was already shaking. "Something's have been going on and I don't know how to explain it to you. I know you're going to hate me after this and... I...  don't know what to do Ali. It's been stressing me up and really hard to look at you. Can you try to understand me after I tell you what's going on?"

    "What did you do Max?" She asked calmly and her voice shook a little. Maxwell wrapped his fingers on the glass of water before him and she was looking at it, anxiously. "No, please tell me... you... didn't." Her voice was breaking. The sight he hated to see. "Max," she was not right about her doubts.

     "Things... have been rough on me and..."

     "And what?" She asked, almost yelling.

    "I fucked up. I fucked up real bad Ali." She sat still not saying a word. He had to let the cat out of the bag. "I... fucked Alia." That one sentence, sent tears rolling down her cheeks but he couldn't stop. That was part of the many things he wanted to say to her. She believed all his lies and this was just the tip of the iceberg. She picked up tissues from the table and wiped her tears.

     "How many times?" She asked. Why that question? It could've been why?

    "Whole week... when I met her." He answered and another tear fell. "It... was stupid of me and it was weird the first time it happened but... it didn't feel that way anymore. It felt right and when I looked at you, it hurt. I thought that was all she wanted from me and I thought that will be the last time. I feel so sorry and there's no way I can fix this. I'm so disgusted because this doesn't feel like it's wrong. I just feel sorry for hurting you this way and I'm more than confused. I can't promise you I'll stop with her and the sick thing is I don't even like her. I don't know what's going on with me Ali. I don't know how to stop this." She reached for her heels under the table and took them off. "Ali," she put them on the table and sighed. "Say something. Scream at me, cuss me all you want but...please... don't give up on me." He begged.

     "Your Cinderella story is over." She stood up, her feet's bare on the cold tiles and heart racing like she was being ran over. She looked at him for a second and ached at his sight.

    "Ali, please.." the bells on the door dinged and Liam and Cole walked in. "Fuck," he cussed. They were going to make it worse.

     "Hey Max!" They waved and walked over to them. "Alicia." They smiled at her. "Where have you been? I thought you left the country for vacation or something, your majesty." Cole said and they laughed.

     "We should all get real girlfriends. He's been ignoring us and it sucks."

     "Have fun." Liam dragged Cole away and Alicia scoffed at him. He never met them. He was home fucking Alia. She picked up her handbag and his pleading eyes stared at her, begging her not to leave.

     "I swear, I'll be better. Please, let's talk." She didn't say a word and headed out. "Ali." He called after her and she walked away, barefooted. Maxwell had the urge to break something and punch something. The poor glass of water became his victim and he crushed it to the floor, wishing that was his stupid self.

     Eyes fell on him and he buried his face in his palm, unable to fathom how stupid he can be to let her go. The only thing that kept his fucked up self was her and he deliberately hurt her.

      Dawn watched Max bury his head in his palms. She got closer to him and heard him whimpering. She tapped on his arm and he picked up his head. He had tears in his eyes. Cole and everyone looked at him and he just wanted to scream and cry.

     "What's going on? Are you okay?" She asked.

     "I fucked up Dawn." He said and a tear dropped on his face.