Curiosity // styles [ editing ]

twenty-two

I shake my head, "No, I'm not okay with my parents hating me. They act as if I don't care about Shailene; as if she had no meaning to me; when she did. She had so much meaning to me. She was my little sister. She looked up to me and I did my best to be a role model for her. They act as if I meant to kill her. They act as if I don't think about her and what I've done to her. Them thinking I killed her and that I'm a murderer is only making me believe it. There’s not one day that goes by that I wish that it was me that was dead instead of Shailene. She had her life taken away at such a young age. Sure I was young when the crash happened but she was only a kid and wanted to go to high school and have a boyfriend and get detention. And I've done all of those things and she didn't get to. If I had the chance to go back and fix that day I wouldn't waste a second. I have my bad days and you've seen those bad days Harry. And I imagine you know how I feel during those days." I say. 

"All you feel is guilt. And that guilt consumes you. It eats you inside and sometimes it's too much to deal with." Harry says. I nod at his response, that’s exactly how it feels. 

"See, that’s how she feels. And she feels this way because of us." Charlie says to our parents. 

My parents look at each other as if they feel guilty. But my Dad turns back to me, "If you feel that way, you feel that way. You let it get to you and that's not our fault." 

His words felt like knifes stabbing me in my opened chest. Harry must have seen that I was hurt because he took my hand and pulled me off of the couch. 

"It was nice meeting you all but I think it's time for us to go." Harry said which caught me off guard. 

"But you guys just got here." Charlie said. 

"Harry where are we going?" I ask as he pulls me further towards the door. 

"They're treating you like shit." His voice was hushed so my parents would hear him. 

"That's what I expected when I walked through the door Harry." 

"How can you just let them treat you like that?" 

"You learn how to deal with it." 

"And how have you been dealing with it? Hiding how you actually feel?" He asked. 

He was right, that was how I deal with things. I don't show my pain. 

"Exactly. I'm not going to have you stay here if you're not wanted." 

"Then where are we going?" I ask. 

"A motel until I think of a living situation for you." Harry says. 

"Why can't I just go back to Boston?" I ask annoyed. 

"It's not safe." He says. 

I roll my eyes at his repeated statement. Harry looks angry probably from my action but I don't care at this moment. I just want to go back to Boston with Annabelle and the boys. I don't care if it's not safe. They are my family. 

Harry grabs my suitcase next to the stairs and starts walking out the door. 

"Where are you going Cat?" I hear Charlie.

"A motel I guess." I say shrugging my shoulders. 

"God, why do they have to be so stubborn?" He says mostly to himself. 

"I call you when we get the motel okay?" I ask. 

"Yeah okay. Be safe." Charlie says. 

I just nod before going outside where Harry's waiting. I go to the passenger side, while Harry puts my suitcase in the trunk. When he's done he gets in the driver’s seat. He starts the car and bcks out of the driveway.