dolan twins imagines.

love, ethan. {E}

The first thought to go through my head the minute my mothers number popped up on my phone screen was why is she ringing me at such an early time in the morning.

It was 4:32 in the morning.

I answered only to hear her crying, "calm down mom, stop crying I don't know what you're saying." I said, sitting up and rubbing my eye.

"You need to get to the hospital," she said, "it's Grayson."

She didn't have to say anything more, i was up, slipping shoes and a shirt on. "I'll be there." I said, rushing out the door and getting to the hospital. Meeting my mother in the lobby.

We walked to the counter where two old looking ladies were. They asked if we were okay, we simply answered and asked to see grayson. There was something wrong, you could see it in their eyes.

One walked us down a hall, many thoughts running through my head.

We reached a room after walking for what felt like hours, grayson nowhere to be seem but some plain chairs in a dimly lit room.

She walked away after telling us to sit and soon after a single doctor and three nurses trailed into the room.

They explained the crash Grayson had been involved in and my heart dropped to the bottom of my stomach.

The look on their faces told me it all.

"We did everything we medically could, everything we tried just..it just wasn't working. His body wasn't responding," they explained, "I'm so sorry, Lisa. Grayson didn't make it."

I felt as if a whole lot of bricks hit my chest, as if I couldn't breathe.

I looked at my mother in complete shock, I didn't know how to react or how to even feel. I felt an emptiness take upon my body as i sat in complete silence, my mother beside me in denial as she claimed they had the wrong person.

I asked myself many things. "How am i supposed to tell cam? Fuck that, how am i supposed to tell my father?"

I couldn't bare to face it so i got up and left my mother in the room with the doctors and nurses, shaking my head with my hands in my hair.

I didn't know wether I should've cried, screamed or begged for them to tell me they were wrong. Grayson was alive.

I knew he wasn't alive. This emptiness, I'd never felt it before. I wanted it to go away.

I was so confused. I didn't know what to do.

His funeral was the worst. I sat at the very back as nervousness swarmed my body, all i did was wish. "Wake up Gray, wake up. Please just..just get up."

I finally gathered the courage to go up to his casket, the first thought to go through my head was his looks.

He looked like an angel.

He was born an angel that God couldn't wait to take back, he looked so handsome.

But i felt so broken looking at him. I'd taken his hand in mine as tears formed in my eyes.

His hand was so cold.

I had to swallow the lump at the back of my throat to stop myself from crying. "Please wake up Gray, show me your eyes."

It took me a while to leave the cemetery, but getting home from his funeral. I couldn't hold it back anymore.

I broke down.

I caught a glimpse of a picture which had me and him smiling like idiots with our arms around eachother in Australia, from when we were tour. It was hung in our hallway.

Grayson said it would be best there aswell as all the other pictures because when we walked down the hall, it'd feel like walking down memory lane.

I remember what the doctors told me. "It'll be okay," they said, "you're strong, you'll cope."

But i knew I couldn't. I still can't now.

Getting home from the cemetery, i stumbled to his room. Barely able to keep myself stood with my hand pressed against my chest. I felt as if all the air i had in my lungs was slipping through my lips like sand through fingers.

I felt like I couldn't breath, I couldn't think straight. I felt as if I shouldn't be breathing because i knew Grayson wasn't.

There's this constant emptiness that lingers in my body, i feel it all the time. It's like I'm half the person i was, like i lost the other half of me.

I felt confused, lost, empty. My emotions were everywhere. I felt as if everyone was against me and that was the worst thing.

I felt as if they all looked at me like I looked cold, pale..dead.

Like i had half a body.

It was quick. Days turned into weeks, weeks had turned into months of Grayson being gone and I'd kinda learned how to cope. All i had to do was talk to him when i was alone.

I felt he was with me. I felt he was always always around me and if anything, it made me miss him more but i finally had him around again. Just not to be seen or heard.

I also realised i have nothing to do anymore now that he's gone.

But i get it now Gray, you promised you'll always be with me.

I miss you so much.
Love,
Ethan.
-
This was inspired by a man who spoke an inspirational speech to minors about the love for a mother, or a family member who had passed. Most of this was my idea, but i just added a little of the speech to it.

I hope you enjoyed. Leave feedback if needed. :)
-Taylor💓