Silence in the BAU Office a Spencer Reid love story

Chapter 63 Memories

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. This chapter is a little longer than my last few, hope that makes up for it. I could use some ideas so comment them or PM them to me. The song above is done by Peter Hollens, go check him out on youtube.

Chapter 63 Memories

Spencer's POV

As I worked with Garcia on building something so we could talk with Lea I thought back to last week. We had had a bit of an argument. I walked through Lea's house. I could hear someone playing the piano and singing, but it couldn't possibly be her singing. There was no speech imperilment, it was perfectly clear. I followed the sound of the music to a room I'd never been in. The door was ajar and the light was on.

I pushed the door open and saw her sitting at the piano playing and singing. I sat down beside her on the bench and saw her eyes were closed. She gave no reaction that let me know she was aware of me. On the piano was a picture of Warwick and a lit candle. It must be his birthday. She was late this day last year but I couldn't remember if she told me it was his birthday or if I had read it in the file.

He had been dead for almost a decade and she still celebrated his birthday. How much love did she still have for him? "Lea?" I asked not sure how I was going to ask this or if I wanted the answer.

"Yeah hun," she said opening her eyes and looking at me.

"You still love him don't you?"

"Of course, death doesn't cancel out love. You still love Maeve don't you?" I had to think for a moment. I hadn't thought about how I felt about Maeve after grieving for her. She didn't push for an answer; she turned back to the piano and played some more.

"Yeah, I do," I said interrupting her song. "If he were to walk into this room right now if he was alive?" This was the answer I was afraid of.

She wouldn't look at me, "Please, Spencer don't ask me that. If you ask me, I'm going to tell you and I'm afraid the answer will hurt you. I don't want to hurt you so please, don't ask me." She blew out the candle and got up.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To bring him flowers. Someone should visit him, especially on his birthday and I'd like to do so before some killer drags us across the country." With that, she was out the door. If she wouldn't answer that question I didn't understand her relationship with him at all. I called Garcia, the two had become best friends and I hoped she would have some insight. I opened a webchat with her so I could see her. I told her everything and asked for her opinion and what I should do.

"Give her time to figure it out. Warwick was her whole world; do you know what that's like?"

"No," I answered.

"She's grieving the loss of her best friend who she thought she would be married to one day. To make things worse he shot himself in front of her, so she feels guilty about liking you, her depression is in conflict with the happiness you make her feel. Then there's the job. She's been kidnapped a handful of times already. I don't think she dealt with losing her sight. Just be there for her Reid and don't try to fix her."

"If he were alive," I started.

"Don't even go there, hun. If you really want the answer you'll have to ask her, but be sure you want that answer. If you ask, don't leave her. She does like you. She just really misses Warwick." I wondered if I would ever know what she was like when she had known him. "She'll never get over it, Reid. There is no getting over that. There's only moving forward. I know you can understand, what did you need at that time? Answer that and give her that."

With that Garcia hung up. I had gone through something similar but my girlfriend had been killed, she didn't kill herself. The method was the same so I knew what she saw. I grabbed my coat, she had said she was the only one to celebrate his birthday even when he was alive. I texted the others and told them to bring flowers and candles. His birthday would be celebrated now.

"Hey pretty boy, how's that machine coming?" Morgan asked.

"Well two of the satellite phones of been wired together to make a receiver and a transmitter. We still have to get them to work on the frequency Lea gave us and hope she has hers built and then test it."

"How do we know she has hers built?" Morgan asked.

"When she replies and finishes the verse," Garcia said.

Spencer's POV

Lea please answer the question," I begged. I wanted to know more about Warwick.

"No Spencer. The answer will only hurt you. Besides I've made the mistake of telling perspective boyfriends about him before. They can celebrate dead lovers but I can't. They leave, they all do."

"I'm not going to leave you," I said reaching out to her. She was upset. This was the anniversary of his death.

"Don't make promises you can't keep. He left, my brothers left. Hell Aaron sent me away. My dad did things to me no one but Warlock knew about."

"Lea," I tried again.

"I'm not a car you can fix. Some days you have to wind up my engine and push me downhill to get me going. Then there are days I'll die on the side of the road and need a tow because if you try to push start me I'll crash into a fuckin' tree. I'm never going to run right Spencer."

"Lea, I'm just trying to understand. You don't have to grieve alone. I tried too, I needed some time alone, I get that, but don't block yourself off forever." She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "I'm not trying to fix you. I'm offering to listen and a shoulder to cry on. You've done that for me, let me return the favor."

"You sure you want me to answer that question? To tell you all about him?" she asked sitting in the armchair.

"Yes Lea, I'm sure, you need to get it out. After I'll go with you to his grave."

She nodded. "He was the one. If he were to walk into this room right now I'd take him back."

"Oh," I said. That's why she was still so upset. She was having to learn to love someone that she could have a relationship with but she also knew she would never love that person the way she loved him. "How did you meet?" I asked.

"Recess, 1st grade. I found some kids pounding on him and he was sobbing. I pulled them off and just held him. Ever since that day we were friends."

"Could you hear then?"

"No, I was completely deaf in a school of kids that could hear. He never minded that I couldn't hear him, I listened to his body. Poor boy, we were only six."

"The teachers didn't step in?" I asked.

"You're kidding right? I could've sworn those teachers were blind and deaf. They never stepped in, at least not for him. I was his protection." She looked at the corner of the room and smiled sighing contentedly. I looked and saw nothing.

"He's here isn't he?"

"Yeah," she answered.