Mythlands: THE HEIST

You call That a Knife!

The Western Desert

The oriental man in the dark suit entered the bar and looked around disdainfully.

Out here in the wilds, an hour's horse or camel ride from Gilikin Country in the Land of Oz, it was desolate but not uninhabited. The bar had about two dozen patrons, most of them adventurers and mercenaries who were passing through or laying low.

'Help ya mate?' 

The blonde and tanned barman was eyeing the newcomer, as he wiped a pint glass.

'I am seeking someone.'

'They got a name?'

The oriental was looking around, trying to penetrate the dark shadowy corners. Reluctantly he turned to the muscular barman.

'Yes, but I prefer not to announce my business.'

The barman nodded. 'That's the fair dinkum mate. I only got one rule here - no trouble. That an payin' customers only.'

'Ah, this is ... fair dinkum. A glass of wine.'

'Ain't got no wine, just the ol amber nector.'

'Nector? From the godly realms?'

'Nah mate. Beer. Imported from Oz.' The barman was filling a pint jug as he spoke. He put it down in front of the newcomer, who slid over some coins and gingerly sipped at the foamy head.

'What about yer mates? They thirsty?'

The man feigned ignorance.

'Thirty odd outside, surrounding my place. Toldya, no trouble.'

'Ah, there will be no trouble. I merely need you to direct me to a young woman that I have business with.'

'This sheila got a name?'

'Goldilocks. Please to point her out.'

'Goldie? Seems like we might have a problem there sunshine. Y'see Goldie's a mate of mine and I've got the feelin' ya ain't here ta make nice with ... you have got to be flamin kidding me!'

A ninja had just walked into the bar. The black clad warrior whose face was wrapped in cloth, showing nothing but his mouth, drew a kunai dagger and handed it to the man in the suit.

'Please do not force me to ...'

The barman had produced a wicked looking blade from behind the bar. 'Call that a knife? This is a knife!'

'Mick, it's ok. I got this.'

The suited man turned at the sound of the voice. At the back of the bar, a young blonde in khaki shorts and a halter top shirt of similar colour was reclining with her booted feet up on a table. Her face was obscured by a wide brimmed felt hat.

Now she looked up. 'Haven't been called Goldilocks in about six decades. Name's Goldie, but you can call me Ms Lochs.'

'Ah so, I have been searching for you ... Miss Lochs.'

Goldie reached over to pick up her beer glass and tipped it to her lips. 'Can't quite place you. Shogunate? This about the Mishubishi blade?'

'It is not. Tell me Miss Lochs, do you have a history of double crossing your employers?'

'Only the ones that screw me over. Not the blade then ...' her eyes scanned the room, noting the men silently filing in and spreading out. The other patrons seemed to have melted back into the shadows. 'Ninjas ... no, dacoits. So the Doctor's still pissed off about that business with the Ark. Well took ya long enough to find me ... that was, what, three years back.'

'The Doctor has a long memory Miss Lochs and now certain plans of his are coming to fruition. We must insist that you return the sceptre.'

Goldie drained her pint and swung her legs to the floor. 'The sceptre? Hell, I drank the profits from that a long time ago. Tell ya what, I think I've got an orb of Ra in here somewhere.' She reached a leather fingerless gloved hand inside her pack.

Instantly two dozen swords were drawn.

Goldie withdrew her hand and raised both above her head. 'You guys always so jumpy. Well I guess you've a right to be when you're this outmatched.'

The suited man smiled. 'You jest in the face of danger Miss Lochs, but I see no aid for you.'

'No? Well I'm not out here on a whim. I was actually meeting with a client, to see if I want to take this high risk, high paid job he wants to recruit me for.'

'I see nobody here.'

'Well he had to answer a call of nature, but this guy ... you can't miss him. He has a bit of a rep too and I guess I've been holding off saying I'll join his team until I see for myself and ... oh I think you're about to meet him.'

The sound of a toilet flushing was followed by some whistling and then a door at the back opened.

The Gingerbread Man stepped out and stopped short. 'What's all this then? A competing offer?'

Goldie stood up. 'Hardly. These gents work for a certain Doctor Manchu and they're here to kill me.'

The 3 foot tall being smiled. 'Well then, It looks like I'll have to sweeten Loki's deal by extricating you from a situation. Or in other words ... Fuck Fu!!'

The Gingerbread Man charged.

'Kill them!!!!' screamed the man in the suit.

'Not in my place,' shouted Mick, the barman as he hefted a gatling gun that was tucked behind his bar for just such an occasion.

Goldie dove for cover as the bullets tore through her attackers. She lay flat on the floor, rolling under the table. In her field of vision she saw a pair of short gingerbread legs move with uncanny speed. Then there were screams and the sounds of thrusts and rends and ripping. A dead dacoit dropped in front of her, his dull eyes staring lifelessly into hers.

Goldie shook her head and waited for it to all be over.

Presently silence came over the bar and she heard Mick's voice. 'Alright luv, ya can come out now.'

She emerged and saw a blood covered Gingerbread Man sitting on a barstool as Mick drew up three pints of beer.

'Did you leave the head guy alive so he can ...oh.'

Sat on the bar top beside the Gingerbread Man was the decapitated head of the man in the suit.

'Dude! We needed one alive to send back to Fu to tell him to back the hell off.'

The Gingerbread Man shrugged apologetically. 'Tell you what, let me finish my pint then I'll collect the heads. We'll teleport the whole lot back with one of Loki's little magic tricks, along with a nice note 'Fuck off. Goldie Lochs is protected. Love Loki and the Gingerbread Man,' that kinda thing. That ok?'

'Yeah. Do me a favour though, get that done real quick before I get back from the ladies. I was gonna order one of Mick's seared steaks and all this is putting me right off.'

The Gingerbread Man made a mock bow. 'They sent a troll with me. Told him to wait outside, but he'll pile em up outside in a jiff and I'll get the heads on our way out.'

'Out where by the way? You never said where we were heading.'

'Narnia.'

'Ah, might be a problem there. Outstanding warrants, kinda thing. I think I'm on a watchlist.'

'My dear, we ALL are. Don't worry about it - Loki has it all worked out.'

Goldie nodded and headed towards the ladies. Once inside she got out her mobile phone and started to text. 

They made contact. I accepted the job. Heading to Narnia.

Elsewhere another phone beeped and the message was read.