Mythlands: THE HEIST

Mr Toad Saves the Day!

Mr Toad was up in an instance, his chest puffed out, one hand hooked on his waistcoat and the other waving his big fat Cuban cigar around.

'Now see here my good fellow!,' he blustered 'This is an outrage. An outrage I say!.'

The Hare turned around and shushed his friend. 'It's alright Toad. It's just a bit of business that needs to be taken care of.'

Mr Toad harrumphed loudly. 'So you say Hare, old boy, but in my day a chap had the decency to wait until a fellow had finished at cards before he came bursting in to collect a debt, god or no god, by jingo!!'

This wasn't exactly what had happened ...

***

In fact, after receiving Little Bear's call, being struck by a certain realization and going extremely pale, the Hare had actually followed a sensible course for once. Instead of making a fuss, he had excused himself from the game and gone out into the hall to meet Vali and his security team, whereupon they had entered a small function room, which was presently deserted.

Of course, the Hare had also poured himself a stiff brandy, gulped it down and poured a second, before excusing himself with a tremor to his voice. Mr Toad's keen radar for any disruption that might enliven his day to day existence had flared up and he had weighed up the possibilities - stay in the game or see what was occurring. The latter seemed more likely to divert, so he had followed the Hare out into the hall and proceeded to seat himself at the back of the function room, while Vali got to the point.

On hearing said point, Mr Toad sprang up and gave vent to his full outrage. He had also produced his cheque book from the inside pocket of his parakeet green tuxedo. 'Look here ... Mr Vali was it?'

'Lord Vali,' replied the god, staring down in bemusement at the ridiculous creature he saw before him.

'Nobility eh ... well, let's settle this like gentlemen. My friend owes you for a large golden apple, you say? He has misplaced said apple ... well the solution couldn't be simpler. Will one or two million suffice to ...'

'Nay! Thy friend made sacred a vow to keep safe a sacred object. No amount of money can compensate!'

The Toad's chest deflated. He had fired his biggest gun ... the offering of huge amounts of money. If only he hadn't given his butler the evening off. Bright fellow, would have thought of something and ... why, by golly I have it. Toad, old man, you are a genius!! It's been staring you in the face.

Vali continued to look at the fat green creature, wondering why its eyebrows were contorting and its lips were moving up and down.

Mr Toad concluded his thought and looked around. Behind the Hare stood Little Bear and two of the Billy Goats. Facing them were Vali and a rather large troll. He cleared his throat and swept his gaze around to address all.

'I, Toad, have come up with a solution ... The Hare last had this apple in the boot of his car ... a car that he crashed in the desert. We must simply go to the wreck and retrieve it!'

The Hare shook his head. 'I don't know where in the desert it is.'

Vali frowned. 'Tis unfortunate as the frog being's suggestion had merit. Alas we have no way of ...'

'WRONG!' declared Mr Toad and in a rare example of common sense, he explained his reasoning 'I will remind you gentleman that when the Hare crashed his vehicle, he called for assistance. An MCI helicopter was then dispatched to his location, am I correct?'

'Uh ... yes, but ...'

'One moment Hare. The Tortoise himself was aboard and ...' he paused for effect. 'It just so happens that I myself am a major shareholder of MCI stock and my interest allows me a place on the board. This is why I know that all usage of the company jets or ...' he paused again, 'Helicopters ... transporting senior executives, involve said flights being logged. Ergo gentlemen ... we need only contact the corporate headquarters and check the records.'

The Hare was astounded! This was totally unexpected and unprecedented cleverness from Mr Toad. 'He's right! When I called for rescue, they tracked the GPS on my phone and because The Tortoise came, it was all logged!' He turned to Vali. 'Does this satisfy?'

Vali nodded. 'Aye. We shall accompany thee to the spot.'

***

Five minutes later, Vali entered the men's room and waited until a large stuttering pig had finished urinating. When the porky fellow had gone, Vali took out a square device and pressed a button on the side.

Something that looked very much like a hologramattic green eye, was projected upwards from the device.

'Report.'

Vali spoke clearly and when he had finished, the Eye seemed to rotate towards him and a voice emanated from it. 'They must not find the apple. I shall send thee a magical map to give to our agent. Merely speak the location once it has been learned and t'will appear on the map. Then by the old magiks of Nornheim, shall our puppet be transported to the wreck.'

'Aye father, but shall I not go, myself?'

'Nay,' answered the voice of Loki. 'Thou art living flesh, as are thy troll minions. The spells do not work on organics.'

Moments later, the eye vanished and a folded up map appeared above the device. It floated into Vali's hand and then, once more he thumbed the button to make another call.

***

In the Rainbow Rooms, a diminutive figure in evening dress sat sipping at a cocktail that had been served to him by Gretel. His pocket buzzed and he took out the device, which in his hands seemed the size of a large tablet. Vali's image appeared and gave him his instructions.

'Si,' replied Punchinello. I em ready. I meet you in lobby immediately.' He hung up and called Gretel back 'Cheque please.'