*Jessie*
My mind was seriously in over drive I was sat in the chair and I could feel Danny’s grip on my hand get tighter and tighter. What did that doctor even mean I can’t get my head around it to be honest? The doctor was sat there just waiting for both me and Dan to calm down so he could carry on with whatever he was going to say next. Let’s just say he might be waiting a little while but do you blame us. The information we just got told is nothing like we even expected. We thought that Rosie would come round and we would get given some medicine to take away with us and she would be fine. And now I don’t even know. There were countless tears falling from my eyes as I had my face in Dan’s chest as he had one of his hand gripping mine and the other wrapped around my waist as we both cried and cried. It was the ‘if’ that got me. All the ‘what if’s’ were surrounding around my head and that’s one thing I always say to other people not to do I always say ‘don’t surround yourselves with what ifs look up and hope’ I'm being hypocritical and I know it but I get now why some people do use the ‘what if’ things. the pain in my chest and the stinging in my eyes was only a small bit of hurt I was feeling now I felt numb my whole body felt like it had just been hit by a double decker bus, I've survived the blow but I feel lost and alone. Even with so many people around me. I was violently shaking as was Danny. But out of the two if us Dan was the one to speak up and ask the same thing I wanted to know. As he took a shaky breath his Hands went sweaty and his eyes built up with more and more tears but the doctor gave him a reassuring weak smile, and he built up the courage to carry on and say what he was going to say, he did the one thing I had been putting off asking for the truth in what’s actually wrong with our daughter.
Danny: I don’t u-nder-stand
Doctor: what do you need to know? What do you want me to explain?
Danny: How two weeks ago we had two healthy daughters now one...is lying in there fighting for her life?
Doctor: well I understand how your feeling Mr O’Donoghue
Danny cut him off with something I was about to turn around and say.
Danny: how could you…how could you possibly know how it feels
Doctor: well I don’t know exactly but I've seen lots of parents sit there and have the same reaction as you
Danny: yeah but you don’t know what it feels like to sit here and be told that your one year old daughter may not make it a week!
I could see he was getting stressed so I decided to step in before it all got too much and he went off on one and that’s not what any of us needed right now.
Jessie: Babe, shhh calm down ok none of us need this right now, so back to Danny’s earlier question..
I tried my hardest to break the ice as I was just about holding up, not like moments before but the longer he takes to answer us then that means the longer it’s going to take longer to be back by Rosie’s side.
Doctor: well Mrs O’Donoghue, back to what my O’Donoghue said earlier the reason for Rosie having such a sudden reaction is because of her immune system. I was speaking to Mr O’Donoghue earlier he said she was a bit sickie. That was normal but none of us would have known to bring her just for being ill. He was right to rush her here if he didn’t than maybe we wouldn’t need to have this discussion, if you know what I mean.
Jessie: so what are you saying what happens if she …makes this week
Doctor: if she makes this week she will be absolutely fine, she will need medication but it wont be anything massive, she will have black outs and she will be a little slower than the other twin, but that’s ok. If she gets through this next week she will grow out of it. I have to warn you though tomorrow things will get worse so you have to be there for her because it is hard for such young people…to survive such an illness
I just nod so basically he’s saying my little girl may not survive this bitch of an illness. No I wont let it happen I refuse I really do. Danny and eye I think are both out of it and not really focusing on what we were being told all we knew was that it wasn’t good and I didn’t like the sound of what we were being told.
Doctor: you may go and sit with her again, if you wish Mr and Mrs O’Donoghue
As much as I love me and Danny being Mr and Mrs he could just use our names, I was just stresses I didn’t even know what I was thinking to be honest I couldn’t even bare to walk back to Rosie and see what state my baby girl was in. the thing that was going through my head was why can’t we swap why can’t I be lying there why does it have to be her she’s barley lived a year and a bit that’s all I've lived a good 24 years and that’s much better than barley two. Me and Dan walked back down the corridor hand in hand and got to the little blue door. Where on the other side our venerable daughter was laying asleep in pain. You have no idea how it feels to be in this situation until your living it…
A/N
Sorry it’s short
It just so hard to right as I said yesterday these chapters aren’t easy for me and I am trying to get my head around writing my emotions and it’s hard through he blur of the tears.
Also I am so so so ill it’s unreal I am so sick and sorry if it’s bad but battling being ill and emotions is the hardest thing
