You Belong To Me

Chapter Fourty Five

Kera Wendell

Despite getting a divorce I will be honest with myself that I still feel incomplete. I know I work and try to keep myself busy but ever since the divorce was finalized a part of me still feels unassertive. I told Marcus that I had to visit my dad because of family issues but really mentally I wasn't up for work. I wasn't  going to pretend that everything is okay. I held a lot back from my ex husband and that I shouldn't have but I've always been the one who didn't talk, or share my problems. Nothing can fill the void I've been filling.

After completing my hygiene Chanel was encouraging me to eat, but I knew that my stomach wasn't up for it. I'd just barf everything up. My doctor and therapist was coming for another home visit. On the bright side of that I'm off my medication but I still take my prescribed vitamins. They wanted to talk, due to the fact my mood swings have come into an effect because of the disorder.

"It's almost like you're still holding in a lot. I can tell." Chanel says sitting down with a honeybun. She was absolutely right. I nodded in response.

For some reason I was nervous as my doctor and therapist got here. Chanel went to get the door.

"Hey nice to meet you, I'm Kera's assistant." She introduce yourself just as they all came and sat on the couch.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Good, now we have a different perspective on things." My doctor said. He began his usual routine of checking my blood, and giving my shots with my therapist asking questions. I don't know why but I felt this meeting was going to get intense.

"Kera, how are you feeling in this exact moment, start off with I feel...?" Sheryl asked.

"I feel unhappy. I'm not happy with myself and my decisions."

"Decisions about what?"

"My decisions of," I paused because I wasn't use to sharing so much of myself to someone.
"My-myself. My marriage."

"First why aren't you happy with yourself?" She asks as I shift uncomfortably.

"Most of the time I'm hiding from not only others but my own self."

"What could you have done differently to prevent that?"

"Start talking more but I don't want too." I said.

"It's almost like a part of you wants help and wants to do this. But more of your mind and actions is not letting you. You have to want help more than not wanting it. Tell yourself you're going to get help, and then do it."

"I'm going to get help." The voice crack and tears were a key and simply being afraid.

"Say it like you mean it."

"I'm going to get help."

"The only person thats blocking you from your own happiness is yourself." Sheryl said.
"Why are you regretting your ex marriage?" The tears dropped as I wiped my eyes with a tissue.

"From everything that's happened in my life I didn't expect to end this way with him and I. Now I feel like he has a part of me and I have a part of him."

"Are you looking for him to let go, or you to let go?" I didn't respond. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted. "If he (Trey) was here right now. Imagine this in your head. What would you say to him?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything. And I forgive you."

"That's very powerful words because what do you forgive him for? What did he do?"

"He made me feel like I wasn't doing my job as his wife or a mother to my children. It was obvious where another person could see it. It wasn't just between him and I."

"What did you do in return to make him respond in that way?"

"Its almost like I was reversing it on him."

"Do you feel that after he signed the divorce papers, he kept a piece of you with him?"

"Some what."

"Do you get any signs of anything?"

"My guardian angel talks to me in my dreams. She's actually my miscarriage daughter with him."

"What is she saying?"

"Advice to what I may go through at the time."

"Have you ever told Trey that she talks to you? Do you know if she visits him?"

"No I don't tell Trey anything about that I don't think."

"Why?"

"I didn't feel as it what she was saying to me was important to him." She wrote more notes in her book.

Tremaine Neverson

"Ow stop hitting me!" Allisya screamed while cried while hitting her sister back.

Kobe was hollering due to the noise and he wasn't feeling good. Jayden was out with his friends. Adrian was now yelling at the girls because he couldn't get his homework done.

This is my life.

My shitty ass life, not because of the kids because of my music isn't coming out the way I want, people are trying to take my money in other words are playing with it. The media isn't a help, more of a brain washer, I had no help with the kids, and more importantly my wife is gone. What did I do wrong, I didn't cheat and I know everyone is not perfect because I'm not but what did I do? Someone please tell me. I know I try to have a bunch of women around to fill that void but it isn't the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

I honestly didn't know where Layla was, I mean she wasn't in the house so maybe she was with friends. I remember her saying she was leaving but I didn't listen.

I grabbed Avanni by her arm. "Avanni stop hitting your sister. Stop it. I'm not going to tell you again!" The base in my voice shut all of them up. "Go sit in the corner." And she cries as usual.

"Allisya you don't hit back. Understand." She nodded.

"Adrian go finish." I placed Kobe on my chest being that he calm down. I warmed one of bottles feeding it to him once it was warm enough.

If she was here, she'd have the kids situated. She's a great mother and was a great wife. Whatever I did to her I didn't mean do it intentionally, because now she's gone.