Risks. Sometimes they're worth taking, sometimes they're not.
I've had many risks I could've taken, but I didn't.
And I regret not taking some of those. Some risks are easy to take, some are not, depending on who you are.
I recently pushed away a "risk". Some may not call it a risk, but I do.
Anyways, I pushed away that risk. And I regret it now. I regret it immensely. Even though it won't affect much, I still do regret not having taken it. That risk signified something, something I needed to show. But fear pushed away that risk. Fear took control and decided for me.
Like I said, that risk won't affect much, because I can still show what I wanted to show another day. I still do regret my decision.
I didn't follow what my heart told me to do, and I should've. I'm disappointed in myself. And that very risk is a risk I rarely take, because of who I am. It's a risk I am quite scared of. A risk that likes to come to me from time to time just to torture me. To make me feel anxious. And it shouldn't make me feel like that, but it does. It pressures me. And it knows that if I don't take the risk, it may lead to bad things. I can rarely defeat that risk. And I hate that.
I hate being pulled to the ground, I hate having people take control of me. But that risk does exactly that. And because it knows how to.
I'm a man that likes to sit back and have control of stuff. I don't take lots of risks. Actually, I hate taking risks, in case something unusual happens and ruins it all. In case something comes out of nowhere and destabilizes everything. I love knowing what I'm doing. I hate being caught by surprise. And then I have no idea how to react, I just freeze. I humiliate myself, not knowing what to do.
And I hate humiliation. But the point of this chapter isn't to tell you to not take risks because they're very risky.
It's to tell you that if ever you heart tells you to take that risk, take it. Don't hold back, don't rethink the situation, take the fucking risk. You only live once, take the risk.
That's all, thank you.
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On a more lighter note, school's over! Finally!
