Private and the Captain ( Jelsa / Big 5 / Big x

13 Hurtful Past

POV Shawn

 I glance at Jack who is staring at the deep red roses which cover a pure white casket. Shots of honor were fired before and some lame speech was held by dad. About serving the nation, bringing honor and being brave. Bullshit.

Neither dad nor Jack are crying and here I am left to hold my arms around mom who is silently sobbing against her napkin which is already wet from her tears. We're sitting on the chairs which are nearest the place which will be our sister's last resting place. Jack stands near us, his hands behind his back and wearing a uniform.

They're folding the flag which they bring to mother. I look up at my dad, Colonel Moon who tries to keep his pose. Soon this torture would end and we could get to mourn with real people and not with these lifeless, emotionless dolls of the army.

Once father placed the flag to mother's hands she lifted her face up. Seeing dad made her lose it and she broke free from my grab and jumped to dad, embracing him and crying against his shoulder. The sight made me feel bad, she made dad crack and they both were crying now while holding each other. Jack had always been the clear image of our dad when he was younger.

Again I look at Jack, he doesn't even look at our parents. He is just plain and cold. People are slowly leaving the cemetery and our family is the only one left. Some of them, relatives mostly and Emma's friends would come to our house later. Oh do I wish that Emma would've listened to me and didn't join to military but no. She didn't and now I can only rely on my memories when I want to meet her again.

"Mom, dad. I'll stay for a moment longer," I told them when they were going towards our car.

"Are you sure?" Dad asked with his raspy voice.

"I am. I'll bring Jack with me. I got in here with my car anyway," I respond bravely.

Someone needs to keep it together for them. I'm the oldest of their kids so it must be me.They left and I was left alone with Jack who was standing in front of Emma's casket. I go to stand next to him, we don't speak a word but I can smell that he had been drinking today. He wasn't the same when he got back from the mission where Emma died.

"You should quit," I say quietly to Jack. He ignored me. Emma and he never listened me when I tried to warn them. I watch how he waves his hand in air and soon he places an icy rose on Emma's casket, in the middle of the red roses.

"She was a butterfly Shawn, so delicate and beautiful. You should have seen her when she flew," Jack whispered quietly as he looks at me.

"Yeah, she always wanted to fly like you could. You carried her in the air whenever she wanted you to, she would've followed you anywhere," I smiled faintly.Jack started laughing and I look at him in misbelieve.

"Jack?" I questioned.

"I did something horrible Shawn," Jack chuckled, his eyes were looking mindless.

"Jack?" I question again. My heart beats faster.

"Horrible... and I'm the one who killed her," Jack hummed and turned his back at her grave.

"What? Don't say that," I gulped and clench my hands.

"Whatever," Jack hissed and began walking away.

"W-where are you going?" I yelled after him.

"Bar. I won't come to that useless memorial service. I mean c'mon! The irony when her murderer would be there," he replied coldly and left me standing.Slowly I dragged myself to the car. He couldn't have killed Emma, he loved her like I did.