Whatever It Takes

Chapter 104 - Goodbye Seems Too Final

Being apart from Bucky still stung slightly, but wasn't as soul crushing as the past five years. And, you had to give him some credit, having a little room to breathe had helped. You'd spent most of your time now, arranging Nat's memorial.

Between yourself, Barton and Bruce, you had finally come up with, what you hoped, a fitting memorial for Nat. Choosing a non-descript, yet beautiful location as well as telling only a handful of people its location you head out to check up on everything yourself. Little did you know that everywhere you went, Bucky's eyes were sure to follow you, no matter the distance.

Nat, like Tony, wouldn't have wanted a glamorous affair. She'd always tried to keep herself private, and in dead, you wanted to follow on with that.

"Well," You stand before the small group of people gathered at the headstone you and Barton had designed. Giving speeches was never a strength, eulogies even less so. "The life we lived as kids, and growing up, we both knew the inevitability of death. It was drilled into our minds at an early age. We both knew it would come for us, eventually, but not like this." You turn and place a hand on her headstone. "Can't imagine she'd have ever stopped fighting," You mumble to yourself, but they all hear you.

 "Natasha Romanoff was the strongest woman I know." You finally find your voice. "Maybe not physically, or even emotionally, but mentally she had one goal in life: to wipe the red out of her ledger. Most of you know our beginnings. Our journeys from darkness to light were very different. And sometimes," You sigh. "Sometimes I hated her for that. Hated that she made it look so easy. Hated that she could just move on."

"Did she get it right all the time? Hell no. Did she always try to make it better? 100%. If there was anything to be both admired and hated about Nat was how god damn stubborn she could be." A slight chuckle amongst the group gives you the strength to go on. "She believed in me. In all of us, when she really shouldn't have. Forgave us for things that were mostly unforgivable." You and Barton's eyes lock and you can see the guilt rage through him. "Never giving herself the same option."

"It's fair to say, after the Blip, a lot of us gave up. We didn't have a back up plan. We didn't have anything. But Nat, she always kept that fight tucked well inside her. And it's for that reason, that all of us are standing here today. Not just because of her sacrifice, but because of her hope. People like to talk about the Avengers like a cohesive unit. What we did have, in abundance, was brains and brawn." Again you feel some light-hearted laughs scatter through. "But Nat, Nat was the heart."

"And it's hard. Hard to see a life where she's not here," You feel the lump rise in your throat. "Fighting for us, fighting for everything she ever wanted. Hard to know how to move on from the one person who..." You start to feel the lump rising, making it harder to talk. "Who knew you best." Your eyes drift over the small collection of mourners, your eye briefly meeting Bucky and Sam's. "But I do know one thing. She finally did it. Wiped out all the red in her ledger."

You stop and look up at the clear blue sky; not a cloud in sight and the sun is shining brightly, showering the headstone in a magical glow, almost ethereal. "I don't know if God, or heaven, or whatever anyone wants to believe is real. Based on my life, I have no proof of that. But now, I only hope it is, because the skies have never looked so beautiful now that you're up there." You smile, letting a few tears finally fall.

"Goodbye seems to final, and thank you doesn't seem enough." You think back on your last moments with her - the excitement and nerves of travelling through time, the wry smile as she held your hand. Her final words to you. Looking up at the sky, almost forgetting about those around you, you let the tears fall more freely, blurring your vision and making it difficult to talk. "See you in a minute." You manage to whisper before you feel someone throw their arms around you.