Whatever It Takes

Chapter 77 - Is That Still True?

You're unsure how long both of you sit there, simply holding each other. The only sounds to be heard in the vast dense woods is the crackle of the fire and every now and then a little sob; sometimes it's you, sometimes it's Bucky.

Eventually he pulls away from you, tears glistening his face. He can't help but stare deeply into your eyes, almost searching them for the truth, seeing only your tears before gently wiping them from your face. "I...we..." A small chuckle escapes him. "I don't know what I want to say."

"Neither do I." You let out a little laugh too, following his gesture and wiping the tears from his face. His eyes close at your touch and his breath catches. As you let your hand linger and place is firmly against his cheek he lets out a breath; one so deep you feel he's been holding it within him for a long time. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." He turns away from you sharply, making you nervous that once again you've pushed him too far. In his typical assassin style he picks this up in your body language as you start to pick at your nails. "I don't know how this is supposed to feel." Bucky reaches over and takes your hand. "You've lived freely," He cringes slightly at his own words, knowing that not how you've ever truly felt. "You know what I mean. What do you think I should do?"

You sigh, gently squeezing his hand back. "If I was you, I'd sleep." He finally turns back to look at you. "A peaceful, dreamless sleep."

"Don't think it will be that simple. The demon is gone." He turns back to look at the fire, as you pull yourself away from his lap and sit back on the log. "But the ghosts are still there."

"They'll always be there Bucky," You try to sound gentle, knowing this isn't what he'd want to hear, but you don't want to give him any false hope. You had no idea what was in store for him. His life, his torture, while similar to yours, had so many more layers, and depth. You sigh and look up at the stars. "It's now about finding a way to live a life without them. And not let them control you."

"That may take some time." He sighs. "Don't know if I have the strength to do that myself."

"I'm not going anywhere," You nudge him, bringing a small smile to his face. "I'm on the run remember. And besides," You gesture over the flames to the sleeping city in the distance. "Where else am I gonna get a view like that."

"It sure is something." Bucky laughs after a slight silence. Little did you know he was looking at you.

***

Once the embers of the fire die down you both take the long walk down the hill back to Bucky's hut. No words are spoken again between you; both of you just enjoying the sounds Wakanda has to offer at night. It's peaceful. The only interaction between you is Bucky's hand placed firmly in yours.

As you reach his hut you turn to say goodnight, but you see him hesitating at the lake; once again a slight tinge of tears running down his face. "What's wrong?"

"I don't..." He sighs, looking between the lake and his hut, avoiding you completely. "I don't want to sleep alone tonight." He breaths out as quickly as he can, shuffling his feet a little. "I mean I don't even know if I'll be able to sleep, or what might happen if I do...I just..." You stop him talking by taking his hand.

"I told you. I'm going nowhere. You only have to ask."

"I know," He still won't meet your eye.

"What's really going on here Buck?" You laugh a little, squeezing his hand to try and make him look at you. Finally he does; nerves running through him.

"Its a really small bed." You can't help it, but you burst out laughing. Unsure why, you try to hold it in when you see the look on Bucky's face. "It's not that funny."