Whatever It Takes

Chapter 88 - Who Did This To You?

*Six months later*

Finding out about the soldier's demise had shaken you to your core, but what was more difficult to comprehend was this new world you were living in. Ronin had explained almost everything he could, but there was gaps in his knowledge. Gaps that you were somehow able to fill, despite not understanding why.

He'd also explained that with Zola gone, the last acting member of HYDRA had now vanished too. You were all that remained, a fact that surprisingly gives you comfort. HYDRA were nothing more than a beast whose appetite you could never appease, whereas this Ronin, well he was different.

You were valuable to him. Your skill set, your knowledge, your ability to just walk away once the job was done. But still there were those sad eyes; the ones that looked right through you. The looks that weren't for you, that were for that idealised version of you he had stored in his head.

The missions had been simple: you had to follow orders. You didn't need to know who the enemy was, or what they did, you just had to take them out. That was the easy part. It was what you excelled in; what HYDRA had trained you to do. Again the most difficult part of the missions were the Ronin: the look of devastation on his face when he saw your blank expression while you were carrying out his orders. It was slowly killing him inside, a fact that you were oblivious to.

You simply continued on with your 'job', trying not to think too hard about those discrete looks, and the ones that became more obvious over time. You ate when he ate, stayed where he stayed, you slept when, well barely. Sleep eluded you most nights. At first it was your default setting, keeping an eye on your 'master' at all times. But even though you would show signs of exhaustion, it was the dreams that stopped you from closing your eyes.

Most were of the Soldier, except he wasn't YOUR soldier. He was that other version of you, that Sasha. He was different; softer, kinder and warmer. He spoke to you with words rather than trading all your feelings and thoughts through looks as you had in the past. And he'd kissed you, well her. In fact, you'd more than kissed. God, they were strange dreams.

There were other faces too, some you could put a name too, but again existing in some weird dream world where your alternative self lived. Natasha, she often made an appearance, but she had always crept into your dreams since you could remember. Then there was the Ronin, but again it wasn't, it some was alternative copy. The quiet scientist, bathed in green; the Captain wrapped in red, white and blue; a man with lightning bolts surrounding him; a man in a long leather jacket with an eye patch, followed around by a stern looking woman; a young girl shrouded by a wave of red; the Colonel in the metal suit; the beautiful Black Panther in his even more beautiful country; they all appeared sometimes.

Only two made a regular, nightly appearance, other than the soldier. And though you couldn't explain why, their names were embedded in your brain. Sam Wilson and Tony Stark.

Why was it these two who stood out from the rest? What was so special about this 'Sasha' that they seemed to care so much? The way Sam looked at her, held her; it was so similar to that of the other soldier, yet different. And Stark, that was a name that you knew well from HYDRA, but the man, you'd never known the man. But this woman, she had a close relationship with him once, a fact that seems to pain you in your dreams. It was all so bizarre.

What had the Madame always said? Dreams were for the weak, it was only about the mission. So that was your way forward, focusing on the next fight, never daring to sleep so that you wouldn't have to watch that alternate life, which always seemed to steal your breath away and bring tears to your eyes every time you woke.