Whatever It Takes

Chapter 102 - Was He Your Hero?

*A few days later*

You've finally recovered, physically at least. Mentally and emotionally you were still exhausted and broken. While the rest of the universe was celebrating, rejoicing at what you had all managed to bring back, it's tainted for you by the loss you had still had to take.

Bucky had managed to convince you to go to the hospital to get your leg seen; it's amazing you had been able to fight on with the amount of damage you had done to it. But you had had the best healthcare, and were able to walk out on crutches the same day.

With the compound completely destroyed, you'd all been cast aside throughout New York. Currently, you and Bucky were staying over at Steve's apartment in Brooklyn; you two sharing the bed while he slept on the couch. Not that either of you got much sleep: recurring nightmares make both of you terrified to sleep.

Most nights are spent in silence, neither of you sure what to say. It had somewhat turned into the thing you had feared the most: you and Bucky had spent too much time apart, and you weren't sure if it was the impact of loss, or just in general. Whereas Bucky remained quiet, trying to understand how he had managed to lose a further five years of his life, let alone comfort you over the loss of Nat and Tony. Other nights were spent reminiscing over your time in Wakanda, but here another problem presents itself. For Bucky it had only been a few days, but it had felt like a lifetime for you.

Spending time with Sam doesn't help your mood either. The hope and joy you had felt in the lead up to bringing them all back seems to be overshadowed by the sacrifice it took to bring them back. Your mind is a jumble of what ifs and pain; pain like you felt the first time you'd faced Thanos and lost, but somehow this was all different. Or was that just you?

It hadn't helped that you hadn't made it to see Morgan and Pepper. Not because you weren't allowed to; Pepper had made it clear you were one of the few who were welcome to visit them in their time of grief, but because you couldn't. You couldn't stand to look into Morgan's eyes, the devastation of losing her father over that little face might just be the thing that finally breaks you.

A couple days before the funeral you decide you have to take the leap. Pepper had asked for a handful of you to gather before hand; for what reason you were unsure. It was the first time you had really left Bucky's side since he came back, and although it was painful, it was somewhat of a relief. Being away from him might give you time to think about everything that's just happened, without feeling those eyes trying to dig into your soul.

Morgan is nowhere to be seen when you finally arrive at the cabin. Pepper welcomes you in with open arms, her stoic look not surprising. She had been that way ever since you'd met her, you supposed she had to, dealing with Tony and his antics all those years.

It's strange being in this place without him. There's only four of you in the cabin, but you feel crammed in, and instantly head to the kitchen to make coffee. "You ok?" Rhodey had followed you. When you simply nod in response, he places a hand over yours. "Pepper says Morgan hasn't been sleeping well." You feel the tears at the corner of your eyes blurring your vision. "She's hoping you'll be able to help." Again all you can do is nod, turning away so that Rhodey can't see you cry. "Sasha it's..."

"Don't." You stop him with a snarl, instantly making him back off. "Don't tell me it's ok. Nothing about this is ok." This time it's Rhodey's turn to simply nod. Suddenly the air around you becomes thick, making it difficult for you to breathe; your hands start to shake as you try to continue making coffee, but the tremors are too much. "I can't do this." You say shakily, brushing past Rhodey and heading for the front door, not listening to those shouting your name as you leave.