Whatever It Takes

Chapter 44 - I'm Not Coming Back

Making it back to his apartment you instantly head for your bag, searching for the phone you had stowed away once more. Considering what's happening right now, the last thought on your mind is anyone being able to trace you. "I'm sorry," You look up at Bucky, concern mixed with a slight rage on his face. "But I need to know..."

"Was Steve there?" He asks, voice raspy. "Would Steve be in Sokovia?" You can only nod, making him grip his hands together before turning and throwing several punches into the wall beside him; the only thing stopping him is you as you grab his arm. "I only remember flashes of him." He sighs, trailing his way over to the couch as the blood drips from his knuckles. "But he was...he was my friend, right?"

Grabbing the first aid kit, he scoffs at you as you start to clean and wrap his right hand. "I know it'll heal eventually," He can't help but smile at you. "But if nothing else, saves me having to see you hurt..." Pulling his hand away from you, he places it on your cheek, wiping away some of the dust that's fallen onto you. Feeling drawn to him you can't stop yourself from leaning towards him, the small intimate act lighting a fire within you.

"I can't," His breath hitches as he moves back from you. Nodding, despite feeling guilty and embarrassed, you turn your attention back to your phone.

There had been nothing since your last call with Sam. You find a news site streaming what's happening live in Sokovia; part of you unable to believe what you're seeing, the other part unable to watch. Bucky pulls you to sit next to him, watching it all on your small screen feeling exactly the same way.

The Helicarrier comes into view, your heart bursts as you catch the faintest sight of Sam, flying around amongst the wreckage. "Come on Sam," You whisper, making Bucky look over at you. Suddenly the screen fades to black; at first you think the phone has died, but it's the website. A news announcer states that there's technical difficulties. You launch the phone in frustration before pacing.

Not knowing how to help, or what to say, Bucky simply watches you. While your pacing agitates him, he can't help but let you go through it. "You care about him?"

"I care about all of them," You run your hands through your hair as you pace; stopping only briefly to pick up the phone and check for an update. Still nothing, you continue pacing. "They're my friends," Images of the fight go off in your imagination. You hadn't even met Ultron, but had seen the damage he could do. Thoughts of Nat burst through, pulling tears at your eyes. "They're my family." You think about the last conversation you had with her, wishing it had ended differently.

"Tell me about them," Bucky sighs, leaning back, not knowing what else to do. Tension rippling through him as his usual way of dealing with stressful situations, like the display he put on earlier, would only further torment you.

Whilst still pacing, your movements get slower as you tell Bucky stories about you and Nat; how your life changed once you joined SHIELD; Barton, Banner, Thor; the Battle of New York; even Steve. The only two people you miss out are Tony, the nightmare from the previous night still fresh in your mind, plus the fear of bringing more pain to Bucky; and Sam, you're not sure why you leave him out, guilt maybe.

"It's not just the team though," You sigh getting frustrated again as you march towards the balcony. Looking out at a beautiful clear sky, your brain catches up. "If that thing drops, if Sokovia falls..." You hesitate when you feel Bucky standing behind you, jumping to attention when you moved; terrified of what you were going to do. "None of us can walk away from that."

Sighing heavily behind you, Bucky places a hand on your shoulder. "Tell me about Sam." Shaking your head, you brush him off before sitting down on the couch once more, feeling nothing but helplessness and regret.