Whatever It Takes

Chapter 73 - This Is My Choice

You weren't one for tired old cliches, but the phrase 'between a rock and a hard place' is blaring in your mind. You owed T'Challa more than you can ever repay; helping him fight for his country, the place you hoped to call home is a no brainer, but right now your heart was ruling. You couldn't leave him. "Emotions. Pfft." You hear Madame B's voice, your mother's voice, in your head. "You're weak."

"Get out of my head," You groan as you grit your teeth, M'Baku looking on, seemingly indifferent. Resisting the urge to run head first into a fight just to clear your mind, you turn and take another look at Bucky. He's sitting in the same position; so still that it looks like he's been made of stone.

"Why do they call you Wolf?" M'Baku drags your attention back to him. Somewhat glad of the distraction you laugh.

"It's the meaning of my name. Volkova. The Russian word Volk means wolf." M'Baku nods.

"That's much better than man-ape." He smiles. "So wolf, what will it be?" Once again you know the answer despite being torn.

"The King offered me sanctuary. I'd rather follow his orders." Again M'Baku smiles. "Besides, with you gone my duty is to protect his mother."

"I see the fight in your eyes," He nods. "But I will accept your answer." Before he turns away he smiles. "And here I thought wolves were loyal to the pack." Suddenly his face turns serious.

"Are you doubting my loyalty to T'Challa?"

"I think you are simply choosing your own pack." He nods towards the hut. "Than those who have kept you safe."

"Coming from the man who said this fight was not his..."

"You know nothing of the history between the Jabari tribe and..."

"You know nothing of my history." You scream back, shutting him down. "But should the King stand here in front of me asking for help I would not hesitate. Because that's who I am. I fight for what I believe in, I fight for what I love. I fight for my friends." You step closer to him, having to look up to meet his eye. "What do you fight for M'Baku?"

Suddenly the smile reappears on M'Baku's face before he places a hand on your shoulder. "Do not lose that fire Wolf. You may need it yet." He walks away with a gleam in his eye, leaving you to watch as his army follows.

*****

M'Baku had pushed your buttons, leaving your even more agitated. You can't do your usual stress relief of fighting or running; and you still can't face Bucky. Feeling somewhat powerless and helpless you start pacing.

What you wouldn't give to talk to Sam right now. Or Steve. Or anyone. It would have been so much easier had your friends, your family, been here with you. To help Wakanda, to help with Bucky. How had it come to this? And then suddenly Tony is in your mind - the Iron Man you knew from New York flying over this country, fighting side by side with T'Challa, just like they had in Berlin. Berlin, where it had all started to fall apart. Tony, his face in Siberia when he found out the truth. The truth about Bucky. The hatred in his eyes...

You cover yours, trying to get rid of the image but it just makes things worse. Bucky's mangled arm; him yelling at you in Shuri's lab; the truth about your parentage; the fact that Sam never said goodbye. Building from somewhere deep within, you let out the largest scream; as if you're trying to scare away those memories. Images of your childhood start to flash before you. Nat, Tony, Fury, Steve - the list goes on of all the people you've hurt; who've hurt you too, yet you wish they were here right now. But there's only one you truly wish was - Sam. Sam was your grounding, your safe space.

Warm memories of Sam take over; racing him to beat Steve, those long nights all over Europe, that wonderful night together in New York. The screaming stops to be replaced with sobs. Sobs of guilt, sobs of selfishness creep over, the weight of them pulling you to your knees. A strong arm suddenly wraps around your waist, pulling you to stand. For a brief moment you think it's Sam, but quickly remember the only person here is Bucky. Not wanting to be comforted by him, you try to pull away but he overpowers you, managing to pull you back into the hut. "Leave me alone," you try to snap but the tone of your voice is broken and pathetic.