Whatever It Takes

Chapter 93 - It Wasn't Enough

2023

Visits back and forth to the cabin had become a weekly thing. Morgan was always sitting on the porch swing, waiting for you to arrive with whatever 'treat' she'd asked of you the last time. You'd play hide and seek, told her stories, braid her hair, followed by dinner with Tony and Pepper, culminating with you staying over. First few times had been spent sleeping on an air mattress in Morgan's room, but after a few sleepovers, Tony has set up their spare room for you.

Still, even after a bedtime story, and heading for your own room, that little girl would sneak in. Crawling into your bed, claiming there were monsters in her room. No matter how many times you 'checked' the room, she'd always appear. When you told Tony and Pepper they were confused. This was something new, and never something that never happened any other night; they surmised she just liked spending time with you. And though you still, after nearly a year and a half, couldn't understand why she was so attached, you stopped questioning it.

When you weren't spending time with the Stark's you were back at the compound, looking for Barton. Raynor hadn't cleared you for active work for at least a year, but these last six months you hadn't taken a mission. You still weren't ready. You and Nat had been coordinating work out of the compound together; and besides, you couldn't let Morgan down now. That sweet little girl and her kindness, it was sustaining you.

Barton had been as ever, elusive. His attacks had lessened since you'd left him, but they were still as lethal. And he'd covered his tracks well. You'd scoured every corner of the Earth looking for him, but you were always a step behind. The only realistic thing you could do was set up a program, tracking any and all criminal activity, all over the world to try and pinpoint a possible target. It was a massive job but it was worth it, and it had helped build bridges with Ross and the CIA, despite you not giving them Barton's name.

Between the hunt for Barton, and the weekly visits with let's face it, Morgan, the only other thing you had time for was training, and sessions with Raynor. Not having much of a physical job had brought up some past issues: the guilt, the anger. So now you had regular sessions with Nat and Rhodey. Now and then Ayo would visit. And you had worked with Nebula. Once. Never again would you wish to draw swords with her, she was deadly, and having Rocket on commentary was distracting.

Therapy with Raynor was now held once a week, as opposed to the almost daily check ins. You'd thrown absolutely everything you had left into it, to ensure you kept fighting against the dark thoughts that could still creep up on you. Sometimes it was painful, other revelations were excruciating, but over time, once you got out everything you wanted to say, you felt relief. Relief like you had never known. Leaving HYDRA, living and loving Bucky, finding Tony again barely scratched the surface of how you felt now.

However, there was still some pain. The loss against Thanos still weighed heavily on all your minds and hearts. And there were days, still, where you struggled not to imagine the what ifs. Or remember how it felt when they were still here: the simple things, like that winsome smile of Sam's, which always cheered you up; the way Bucky's eyes would shine when he was happy or content. Their absence in your life was still a gaping hole you could never fill, but with Raynor's help, you could survive.

Time had seemed to surge forward, compared to those first few years where it had seemed to stand still. And before you knew it, you were back in the training room, the gun range, the lab. Anywhere to keep your mind busy. Raynor's idea: the five year anniversary of the Blip was in its way and you had to prepare yourself for the possible meltdown it might cause.

But when the day arrives you find peace in your heart, amongst the pain, and you realise there's only one place you can go. When the Quinjet lands in Washington, it brings back a mixture of memories, including the one of riding through the city with Steve; how ironic that it's the same bike you're using now. Like New York the city is deserted but now that the new world has settled, it feels less depressing. Until you reach the museum.