Whatever It Takes

Chapter 27 - I Am So Fired

Washington, 2014

After a lengthy discussion over how you're going to take down the carriers in the morning, you finally sit back and try to relax. Following doctor's orders you pick at the food he's laid out for you, making sure the painkillers don't knock you out again. Sam is sitting next to you, not talking, just keeping you company while Nat and Hill are still trying to iron out all the details. Steve has wandered off, trying to collect his thoughts, while Fury is trying to rest too, still recovering from the attack. Finally Sam sighs heavily. "You need to eat something Sasha." You gesture at your almost still full plate, compared to his empty one.

"We don't all inhale our food Wilson, relax." He gives you a smile, keeping a lingering eye on you. "What?"

"I didn't say anything," he shrugs.

"No, but you were thinking something. Spit it out."

"Are you really sure you're up for this?" he rests a hand on your arm. "I don't think anyone would mind if you sat this one out."

You shake your head at him. "I need to do this Sam. I need to prove..."

"You don't have to prove anything." Nat interrupts, sitting down to join you, while stealing some food from your plate. "No one here doubts you."

"I do." you put your head down, moving food around the plate with nerves. "Nat, what we went through in the Red Room, what I've supposedly gone through with HYDRA? How can I trust myself to do the right thing if I don't try to fight it? How is it any different than when you made the transition to SHIELD? Everyone second guessing your motives? You told me you had to prove yourself to Fury."

"I know, but this situation is different Sasha." She tries to reassure you.

"Why? Because I can't remember all the details? That makes it ok? Because my mind is broken they'll just give me a free pass?" you scoff, handing your plate over to Sam and standing. "Doesn't that scare you? Cause it scares the shit out of me." You start to walk away, Nat begging you to stop. "I need some air."

As you walk along the corridor, searching for a way out, you hear footsteps chasing after you. Without looking you already know its Sam following you; again he doesn't say anything but reaches over and takes your right hand in his, squeezing it slightly; letting you know he has your back.

***

Stepping out, the sunlight hurts your eyes from being in the dark so long. You laugh slightly at the thought, before looking over to see Steve; standing silently still, lost in his memories. You can already tell he's thinking about Barnes; memories from their time long ago rattling around his brain. Feeling hesitant at interrupting him, Sam makes your mind up for you, pulling you along gently. "You need to talk to him about it Sasha. We've got to be on the same page here." You nod at him, making your way over.

"Are you ok?" Steve asks, not looking at you, eyes focused on the water below the bridge.

"I'll survive." He nods at your response. Standing in silence together, Sam gives you a little nudge on your right shoulder, egging you to go on. "I swear to you Steve, if I'd known about Barnes I would have said something."

"I know," he replies, still not looking at you. "Was just the shock of seeing him, and after everything the past couple of days..." he drifts off, letting everything that has happened swim over both of you. "I guess I should have picked something up after what happened at the museum."

"Me too," you walk closer over to him, mirroring his gaze over the bridge. "It's still all a bit of a blur."

"Do you not remember anything about him?"

"Little bits. I remember being terrified of him, but then I just thought he was a nightmare. Things are still coming back slowly, but I think HYDRA wanted us to work together for some reason. I think they were experimenting on us both. But more importantly," you take a breath and look up at him, "I think he tried to save me from them." Steve finally looks down at you, tears in your eyes as you start to tell him all the memories that have come to you in the last 24 hours. He keeps his eyes on you, not intruding, just listening; trying to work it all out in his head too.

"You know he's going to be there right," Sam finally jumps into the conversation. You and Steve are still looking at each other.

"I hope so," you sigh. "Now it's my turn to save him." Steve nods at your comment, before turning back to look ahead.

"Look whoever he used to be, whoever he was to the both of you, the guy he is now. I don't think he's the kind you save; he's the kind you stop."

"I have to try Sam," Thinking back to the last memory you have of Barnes, pulling you from that table. "I owe him that at least. If what I'm remembering really happened, then maybe I'm the only one who can help him."

"He might not give you a choice. He doesn't know either of you."

"He will," Steve says firmly. You nod; something had stopped Barnes from outright killing you earlier. If you could get those memories back then surely the same could happen for Barnes; sure from the outskirts, it looked like he had had to go through this for nearly 70 years, while you had only lost 5 years of your life. But there was still a chance. You had to hope that he could remember Steve, too. Both of you were the only allies that Barnes was going to have if you got him out in time; like Nat and Coulson had been for you. "It's time, gear up." Steve then marches off, while you turn to Sam.

"You can still walk away from this Sam." He shakes his head at you, before walking back down to the warehouse. You stand for another couple of minutes, just staring into the open air, preparing for the fight ahead. Rotating your left shoulder a few times, wincing slightly at the pain, but making sure the bandages won't hinder you; you close your eyes and count your breaths; just like Raynor told you would help calm your mind.

"Might need your help getting the uniform, if you're up for it." Steve disturbs your counting.

"Aye aye Captain," You smile and head off with him.

***

Despite being one of the largest museums, with thousands of invaluable artifacts on display, the Smithsonian is surprisingly easy to break into. You can't help but feel sorry for the old security guard on shift, as both you and Steve literally walk past him as he sleeps.

You freeze slightly as you enter the Captain America exhibit, knowing that it would likely trigger some sort of reaction from you, but Steve grabs you by the hand and pulls you in with him. As he starts to take his old WWII uniform off the mannequin, you can't help but be pulled towards the memorial for Barnes. Despite the limited time you have, you try to take in as much information about the man as you can, looking at the photographs and videos on display of him and Cap during the war; heart breaking as you can only imagine what HYDRA have done to him, what they've done to both of you.

You wipe tears from your eyes before you feel Steve standing next to you. "When I went into the ice in 45, I thought I had stopped HYDRA. I thought I had made his sacrifice worth it." He sighs. "Turns out it was all for nothing." You look up him, mist forming over his eyes; he's struggling to hold the tears in. You place a hand on his shoulder, making him jump slightly before wiping a stray tear away from his face.

"It won't be for nothing if we stop them tomorrow Steve. If we bring him home." He places a hand over yours. "I just wish I could remember more. I wish I knew more about him."

"Well if we survive tomorrow, then I promise to tell you everything about Bucky." He looks down at you with a smile; worried about you as you struggle to maintain the eye contact. Like you, he still didn't understand the connection or relationship you had had with Barnes at HYDRA but he could see that you cared and right now that was enough for him. "Come on, we gotta go." You nod, and take one last look at the display, but this time focusing on Barnes' eyes; promising yourself you would get him out, whatever it takes.

Sensing someone approaching the exhibit, you pull Steve behind a recess. The security guard has finally woken up, and is taking a lazy stroll towards where you guys were standing; stopping as he looks up at the now stripped dummy standing in front of him. "Oh man, I am so fired!" he exclaims, looking around him; but you and Steve have already slipped out.