Whatever It Takes

Chapter 98 - Honour Her Memory

This grief was different.

Losing Bucky, Sam and all the others throughout your life, not just to the Blip, had felt like a part of you was missing. A new part in your life that you'd tried to keep for yourself.

But Nat, she'd always been there. She'd been in your life since you were young kids, albeit there were some gaps, and the falling out over the Accords, she'd always been present. And the gap she would leave in your life was unprecedented.

You're not surprised by Barton's tale of what happened on Vormir; even less shocked when he explains how they even fought to the death, literally, to claim that soul stone. Her absence, at first, had ripped your heart in two, but finding out the reasons behind it, somehow makes it easier.

She'd always been a fighter, and stronger than most people gave her credit for. Even after the Blip, when everyone else had given up and went their seperate ways she had stood her ground and fought back; keeping alive the plan that Fury had had for the Avengers. None of the rest of you could claim that.

But despite being somewhat rational about Nat's death there was still a hint of anger, guilt and denial behind it. Especially as you watch the others come to terms with it. Much like you Tony is quick to accept what had happened. Steve, he sits quietly, but the tears rolling down his face show you how much they meant to each other.

Bruce is quiet too, not really giving anything away. The love, not that either had used that term, that they had had for each other, which had never gotten a chance to establish into something real, clearly weighing heavily on his mind.

Thor's reaction had been the most surprising, although it shouldn't have been. Recounting all the stories he had told during your planning of the heist, of those he had loved and lost, another one to add to the list was bound to cause cracks. "She's not gone. As long as we have the stones, we can bring her back, isn't that right?" He looks at you for an answer, but your eyes are focused on the group of men around you, soaking in everything that's going on around you so you could deal with it all privately.

"We can't get her back," Barton's voice is calm and brings you back to the moment. "It can't be undone. It can't." His voice breaks and Thor scoffs, beginning a rant you had heard him whisper to Rocket earlier.

"Hey," Trying to placate Thor by grabbing his arm softly, he continues to try and give rationale to how you could bring her back. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't thought of it, but you remembered Bruce's quiet words on his return, of how there was no way you'd be able to use the stones for other than what was intended.

Neither Thor nor Barton take any heed of you trying to intervene, with Barton eventually lashing out in an all too familiar rage. "GO GRAB YOUR HAMMER, AND YOU GO FLY AND TALK TO HIM!" Now you're standing in between them, Thor finally backing down, while Barton crumbles when he meets your eye. "It was supposed to be me." His voice breaks again and you feel your hand in his.

"Stop." You whisper, determined not to break in from of them all; wanted to finally hone in on the strength Nat had used to get them all through this. "Don't do that."

As though your words had stirred something within him, Bruce grabs the bench from the terrace and launches it across the lake with a small roar of anguish. "She's not coming back." His voice is calm despite the action. "We have to make it worth it. We have to."

"We will." Steve finally stands, shaking his grief off and looking determined; and despite still wanting time deal with your grief alone you nod.

"Then let's get on with it." You look at all five of them, giving them the same look of defiance. "Let's make sure the sacrifice she gave for us doesn't go in vain. Let's honour her memory by doing what she always did, fight back."

Still holding Barton's hand, you pull him closer to you, wrapping an arm around his waist in a half hug. Next you grab Thor in the same way and nod to the others to join. For the first time ever, the six of you hold each other close, remembering the impact that Nat had had on all of you throughout the years.

*****
While Tony and Bruce head off to meet Rocket, the only other one with the knowledge to possibly build the gauntlet, Steve pulls you aside.

"I need to get away, just for a bit and clear my head." His face is still slightly tear stained, but his voice unwavering. "Would you mind if I took the bike..."

You quickly nod your head before he can finish, and he gives you a quick hug before leaving. Thor is already out of your sight before you can try and talk to him; you were particularly worried about him since that outburst, but he clearly had other plans, which worried you more.

Barton is the only one left when you turn back, standing staring over the calm lake. You stand beside him, knowing you shouldn't leave him alone of all people after what he's had to witness; even though, like Steve, you could use some time for yourself. "You should hate me." He half mumbles, as though part of him didn't want you to hate him.

You continue looking over at the water, not paying attention to his eyes boring a hole through your head. "Why?"

"You know why." He turns to the side to stare at you, but you keep your eyes at the water, worrying that if you look him in the eye you'll finally break. "For taking you away from all this, for making you part of the shit I was into, for letting you turn yourself into..." A hand placed over his stops him, even though you're still not looking at him. "For not being the one to give up my life...."

"Do you think I would be jumping for joy if it HAD been you?" You finally turn to look at him; for some reason the pitying tone to his voice angers you. "Sure enough, we'd have thrown a party, danced even."

"Sasha."

"No. By feeling sorry for yourself you're dishonouring HER decision." You feel your face flush with anger. "She did what she needed to Barton, to see the mission through. Just like we've always done, since we were kids." He hangs his head, but you can catch the sign of tears running down his face. "And I will miss her for the rest of my life, and hate myself everyday for not being there..." You voice starts to crack, making Barton take your hand. "But I will never EVER blame you! For anything."

"I wished we'd never went there, if someone..."

"Don't. Don't think like that. It doesn't matter which one of us had went to that planet, and had to deal with the shit that you did, someone would still have lost their life."

"But why did it have to be her?" He yells, and you wrap your arms around him tightly, feeling yourself give in to the tears; the first you had shed since you had found out.

"I don't know," You shudder, feeling him wrap his arms back around you; but in a way you did, if she'd realised the truth, Nat would have never let anyone else go through with it. At one time you had teased her about being a control freak, you couldn't blame her after the way both of you had been brought up, but it had always had its merits. Unbelievable as it is, her death was her final act of controlling her life her own way. "I'm going to miss her Clint," You feel yourself burying your face into his shoulder.

"Me too." And the pair of you stand there, holding each other and crying; getting everything out that you could, but mostly accepting that this was meant to happen.

*****

Neither of you notice the robotic like eyes watching you as Nebula stares through the window; no one else cares to notice the slight difference in her mannerisms, assuming she's also grieving for Nat; the two always getting along these last few years. Added into the fact that she had finally just found out the truth about her sister, Gamora's death.

But this wasn't the Nebula any of you knew; and she knew none of you. While Rhodey had managed to securely return the power stone from Morag, a massive ship had appeared, blocking retreat for your friend.

Thanos was onto you all; and past Nebula was watching every single one of you to ensure that his victory would remain.