Post Vitam

Chapter 157

Things have been going slowly back to, well, not normal... The chance for things to go back to normal died with Iida. Nevertheless the world keeps on turning despite several occupants screaming for it to stop and go back. Classes have resumed and all of class 1A has been treated to some of the same things Izuku has been to by some of them. The awkward glances, the hushed whispers and hollow condolences. Luckily for them there hasn't been anyone blaming them for Iida's death.

No that job belonged solely to Uraraka and try as he might with words of support from his family and boyfriend, part of him will likely always tend to agree with her on that.

The routine has taken Izuku out of his own head for the most part again. It's only the nights and the nightmares they bring that he has to contend with now. Katsuki might as well abandon his dorm room by this point. After the first night back when Izuku had destroyed a wall during his nightmare, they've been sharing a bed. They've even managed to keep it to just sleeping, not that Izuku has been thinking about anything related to that.

Ridiculous as it might seem, it feels like something he doesn't deserve. Like he's not supposed to be enjoying himself in any capacity, it's not fair to Iida somehow...

Izuku did make the mistake of telling Hound Dog about feeling like that and his response only served to annoy Izuku. It's apparently a perfectly natural survivor's guilt response. He's not a survivor though, he's just a useless excuse for a hero, unable to do the basic thing required of him. His need to feel like he's responsible for Iida's death is the main reason he's not told his dad about Uraraka's comments.

There's another reason he's sort of annoyed with his dad. Day by day Izuku recognizes the signs that Hitoshi is still cutting. All his dad says is that Hitoshi is in therapy for it and short of locking him in a hospital they've all they can to keep him safe. Rationally he knows it's true, Hitoshi has to submit himself for a search of sharp objects when he gets to the dorms or when he leaves. The same procedure is in place for classes.

Yet Izuku knows... Hitoshi is finding ways somehow to still cut. He even recently had to endure a full three days of silent treatment after he convinced their dad to search their room for blades. It's currently the second day since Hitoshi has forgiven him for that and the question still remains on Izuku's mind. Why now?

It's always been Izuku who was the cutter, so why is the person who looked so scared for Izuku's safety when he found out he nearly fainted... Why is he of all people turning to the same thing for comfort?

Math homework in front of him, numbers swimming around– long ago since they lost any sort of meaning to him. So instead of trying to make sense of it all he turned his focus to his brother.

Turning in his chair and seeing him with a similarly confused expression he tried to get his attention. "Hito-nii?"

"Hmm?" he asked in acknowledgement but not looking away from his work.

"Wanna take a break? Ectoplasm was sadistic with this worksheet"

"Ugh..." he hit his head against the book and properly spread out his limbs so he was taking up more of the floor. "They really were"

He turned his head sideways towards the bed where Katsuki usually is. However it's just the two of them for now. It was Thursday and that meant group therapy for him and Kirishima.

Mic had found a program for conversion camp recovery after Kirishima had a freakout when one of his cousin's found his current social media. Accounts where it was clear Kaminari is his boyfriend. Katsuki agreed to go since a lot of his anger problems stem from that place.

Izuku carded a hand through his hair and gripped the ends to feel the pull, he had to ground himself somehow "Sorry that Kacchan is constantly here now."