Post Vitam

Chapter 124

Izuku stepped into the room closing the door silently behind him. He didn't immediately spot his brother so he called out. "Hito-nii?"

"Izu . . ." came a muffled reply from the floor next to the foot of the bed. He made his way over and crouched down in front of the lump of a blanket Hitoshi seemed to be hiding under. Slowly he poked his head out to look at Izuku directly.

It was quite obvious nothing good came from the fact that both his brother and Kaminari were missing from the group in the common room. He looked even more tired than he usually does, his dark eyebags replaced by the obvious signs of intense crying. Even as he sat there the occasional tear rolled down his face.

"What happened?" Izuku asked not wanting to make assumptions, maybe something else beyond relationship issues was troubling his brother.

Hitoshi opened up the blanket and Izuku took the invitation immediately sitting down next to his brother and closing up the blanket again. Hitoshi leaned into Izuku's shoulder and as a sob escaped him he said "We broke up"

"I'll kill him" Izuku told him feeling angry that Kaminari had hurt his brother like this.

Hitoshi lightly bumped Izuku's shoulder with his body weight to calm him before he informed him through the tears. "No Izu, it was my choice"

This confused Izuku slightly till he remembered it hasn't been long since he was set upon breaking up with Bakugo too. He of course changed his mind, whether that was the right choice or not he doesn't know. . . He often thinks he might be addicted to Bakugo. Probably something to bring up during their joint session with Hound Dog. Pulling himself back from his own issues he put an arm around Hitoshi and fluffed his hair.

"Are you sure?" he asked him

"No . . ." Hitoshi admitted before carrying on "but I do know that he deserves someone better"

"Nonsense" Izuku told him sternly

Hitoshi grasped at fabric of his shirt clenching it in his fist as he spoke "it's true I'm so fucking broken. I'm nothing but spare parts and I couldn't even do that right!" Raw emotion evident in his voice

Izuku knows that his brother is supposed to discuss these feelings with Hound dog but he has no way of knowing of he's actually told anyone beyond him about the reason he was born. It becomes obvious where his brother's sense of being unwanted comes from given how he grew up. Part of him cant help but wonder if this whole thing with Kaminari could have been resolved if Hitoshi felt more confident in himself.

"Hito-nii. . ." Izuku called to him softly to regain his attention and to distract him what could easily devolve into a panic attack.

"Did you explain to him why?" he asked gently once his attention was back on him.

"I tried to but then I kept hearing-" Hitoshi started to say but cut himself off with some kind of realization behind his eyes. 

"Kept hearing what?" Izuku prodded starting to worry now

He tried to play it off to lead Izuku away from this particular line of questioning. "It's nothing, just let's go sleep yeah?" 

"Hitoshi..." Izuku sighed.

He carded his fingers through his brother's fluffy hair again before he continued. "Look who you're talking to, nothing you say is going to make me love you less. If there's anyone around here who knows how it feels to hear things it's me."

Hitoshi tiled his head up slightly asking "What do you mean?"

"Back when I was..." Izuku started thinking how to word this so he doesn't make his brother worry while also letting him know that he understands him.

"When I was hurting myself regularly it felt like all my negative thoughts kept reminding me of everything wrong with me, why I deserved to make myself feel pain." he said as he felt a stirring beneath his skin almost as if it was responding to what he was saying. Hitoshi's hair in his hand calmed him.

He sighed again "Sometimes it can feel like all of it is alive in some sense, even now I still struggle with it."

Hitoshi sat up slightly more but not enough to break the gentle hold his brother had on him. "Are you serious right now? You didn't pick up a mind reading quirk right?" he asked sincerely

Izuku gave him a small smile. "I'm serious Hito-nii. . . I know what it's like for the negativity to feel alive ready to smother you, doesn't help when it gains a voice to taunt you."

Izuku saw the words resonate with his brother but he didn't want to press his luck and corner him into a state of panic. "I'm not gonna push you to talk but you do know I'm here, right?"

Still deep in thought judging by the look in his eyes but nonetheless he leaned back fully into Izuku quietly saying "yeah."

Feeling like he help at least by being there he told him after he squeezed him slightly "Good, because no matter what anyone or anything says you don't deserve pain."

Hitoshi looked back at him looking unsure and that hurt slightly. Izuku contemplated whether or not he should go see their father tomorrow over this. However there isn't much he can do right now in the middle of the night so he used his quirk to lift them and the blanket off the ground and onto his bed. 

Making sure they were both covered as they laid down he looked at his brother asking "Cuddle and sleep?"

Hitoshi just gave a nondescript sound in agreement moving closer to Izuku burying his face into his brother's chest still lightly crying. That small action told him that this whole thing was bothering his brother more than he was letting on, his mind was made up then and there. Time to go see dad.