My journey to healing

96.

I knew something was going to happen, I knew it, I kept repeating it while I put my hands protectively against my stomach.
When? Came out with a sob.
A few days ago they were on their way when they fell into the trap.
How he was found, let's say I can only hope he didn't suffer too much.
Do you have the pictures I asked with a knot in my stomach, and a mouth that felt so dry that the sahara desert would be jealous of it.
I don't know if it's wise to look at it Kait said Giovani gloomy.
Me and his family have the right to see the photos I'm fured.
You are pregnant Kait, you have to think about your little one.
Don't use the baby, I growled.
Suddenly we both felt a cold wind around us that I recognize from earlier.
The bag with his personal belongings fell over, and there I saw a number of letters with names on it.
I saw a letter for his parents, for Giovani, me, and our unborn child.
Giovani picked up the letters, and gave me mine, and for the baby.
With trembling fingers I accepted the letters.
I'm going to make sure his parents get the letters whispered Giovani.
Kait I don't think you should be alone, advised Giovani.
I don't feel like people around for a now I said crying.
I don't know.....
Don't hang out the compassionate person, I screamed furied.
Kait keep you calm you have to think about your...
Dare to take it in your mouth I interrupt Giovani again.
Why are you mad at me
You are sending these men on a mission!
They are trained for that.
They know the dangers, but choose to do it themselves.
He's never going to see his son or daughter grow up do you understand Giovani?
You ripped apart a whole family!
I know it was unreasonable of me to fall out against Giovani like this, but the sadness, and pain combined with hormones were the result of my eruption.
I think Giovani understood, because he let me go, and let me use him as a punching bag.
When I was exhausted, he put me to bed, and before I knew it I fell asleep, with his letter in my hands.
I dreamed about him, and it was so real.
He apologized and told me that our son is going to be a smart, and strong man.
He also told me to read the letter, and to give our son's letter on his eighteenth birthday.
I woke up startled and saw the letter put on Raf's pillow, and with a sigh I grabbed the letter, and with trembling fingers I tried to open it.
A jewelry box fell out, and his necklace with a cross.
I put it around my neck, and pressed it against me for a moment.
In the jewelry box was a beautiful white gold ring with a stone.
I took the letter and started to read it.

My queen,

If you get this letter, I'm most likely not here anymore.
I tried my best to come back, but unfortunately failed.
I think you've already seen the necklace, and the ring.
My wish is that you wear it from now on.
I also hope that you would like to wear the ring I chose with care.
I ran into it in New York, and immediately thought about you.
With this ring I wanted to make you my wife.
Think of this as a symbol of my infinite love for you.
I know I've always been a second choice, and I couldn't fight Giovani.
My tears are in my eyes, and had to blink in my eyes a few times because I almost couldn't read it.
How many times you didn't cry in your sleep, and called his name.
As hard as it was, I chose to be with you, and show you that there are good men too.
I hoped that if we were together longer you could give yourself completely to me without another man in your heart.
You told me you got pregnant, and I felt that as an opening to your heart.
When you told me you love me I knew you meant it.
When we made love it felt different, as if you really gave yourself to me.
Your last words, our last moment together will be the last thing I remember when I am robbed of my life.
I'm sure when I die, I'll die as the happiest man.
The woman of my dreams told me that she loves me, and becomes the mom of my child.
Still, I want to ask you to open your heart to another man, and to be precise for Giovani I just know that he will be good for you, and our child.
I do hope you keep in touch with my parents so that they can also continue to see their grandchild.
Please be happy, I know you are afraid, and that you think you were only born with no luck, and my death will only strengthen that feeling.
Yet I ask you to let go of that, because Kait you have more luck in your life than you will ever realize.
Don't dwell on the things that didn't go well, but keep your focus on the things that do go well
This way you will see that you are a strong woman, with dear friends, and caring family around here.
In my opinion, that is a definition of happiness.
Look around you carefully, and try to see more of the beauty.
I love you Kait, and I will stand by you, and comfort you when you need it until the right man can take over my duties, then I will still assist you and our child.
You are not alone my queen
Forever yours

Raf..