My journey to healing

72.

I'm going to Rafael I announced.
Emma, and Aurora first looked at me strangely until they also saw Juul's face.
Who is Rafael immediately asked Steve with a touch of jealousy.
I was under the protection of Rafael when I was in hiding, and we became friends as a result.
We met here, and we were going to have a drink and chat somewhere.
Ah okay Steve said relieved.
I missed you already said Rafael, teasing, but when he saw my face he saw that it's serious after all.
What is wrong Beautiful?
I think we should stop came out stuttering.
Ah so, and why is that all of a sudden?
I don't know about you, but my guilt is gnawed at your boss and friend, and I'm so afraid this will ruin our entire friendship.
I would  mind if this destroys our friendship.
I understand, he said after a brief silence.
I don't want to lose you as a friend either Kait, but I can't suppress the attraction, I think I will always be drawn to you.
Do you want to say that there were more feelings besides lust?
From the time my eyes fell on you, I already found you attractive, and the better I got to know you the more it grew into real feelings.
I know it's not mutual Kait, so I settled for crumbs, but wow this is just sudden.
We had agreed that what happened here would stay here, so I was just hoping to enjoy you until then, he said with a lump in his throat, and with pain in his eyes.
My heart broke, how did I get into this.
I don't want to hurt you I said with tears in my eyes.
Don't cry Kait I chose this way.
I don't know what I was thinking when I started it, but it's not your fault.
And you don't have to feel guilty either, we're both singles, and Giovanni has been so stupid to hurt you.
I know how he feels about you, and I know you feel the same way about him.
I just wonder why you ever agreed to me.
My grandma, and the people around me thought I should live more.
I've always told myself that I don't want to look like someone from my past who goes to bed with so many men, But i can't deny that there is attraction that pushed me your way.
I felt you didn't have self-esteem if you only go for lust feelings, so I've always said I keep my purity for the right man, and don't let me be confused by physical attraction.
But then you came into my life, and I was physically attracted to you, I did feel connection I'm not going to lie, but I can't give myself completely.
Maybe it's because I already have feelings for someone that suppresses my feelings for you, but my feeling for St.. Giovanni is still present despite not being worth my love.
I can't just put my feeling aside.
What did you want to say?
What do you mean?
You said St...
Oh yes I wanted to call him stupid, because I don't understand why he hurt me so much.
He may be my friend, but he doesn't deserve you.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, further than that, but I would never hurt you, he said, and closed his eyes.
If Giovanni wasn't there I would have had a chance?
Or am I too old for you?
Is that the problem he suddenly asked while looking at me With pinched eyes.
How old are you then?
Thirty-eight he said whispering.
I was shocked by that, because I think Steve and Giovanni are already on the border with their thirty-three years.
Let's start by saying that I never knew your age, but don't you think I'm young then? I asked a little Incredulous.
Maybe you are a bit young, but you are very mature for your age, and you are, and remain, a beautiful woman, and I am and will remain a man.
But well if you want to stop with whatever we may have, I respect that.
I'm sorry Rafael.
It will be fine Kait, you can't help it that you don't feel the same.
I couldn't help it, but the tears slid down my cheeks like hot lava.
My biggest nightmare has come true.
I hurt someone by stupid choices I made.