Just us- SBI adoption story (Just me and him book 2)

Chapter 7: the Watsons go shopping

Tubbo's POV:

I stood nervously, shifting weight on my crutches. Looking at the pattern of the supermarket floor disappear under the bottom of each crutch. Kristin was picking out some flowers for the vase in the kitchen and Phil was stood impatiently. I didn't want them to get angry at each other again, I didn't think I could cope with people getting angry at each other anymore. He had a look on his face like the one Dad used to have before losing it with us. Maybe our mums did it too, but I don't remember much of either of them.

They'd already argued this morning. I was upstairs with Tommy and I guess they must have thought I couldn't hear them, but I could. They'd left the bi fold doors open and the shouts had floated up through the house. Tommy seemed unbothered, he just wanted to hug me and get me to run fingers through his hair. But it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand. I couldn't get up to close the door and I felt frozen in the blanket fort in the corner of Tommy's room. It was about Tommy. That's how it started with Dad. Arguing with me over Tommy. Me saying we could help him, Dad saying he was a lost cause. I felt a bit sick just thinking of it.

Phil must have noticed, "you alright mate?" I bit my lip and nodded. Tommy hugged me, resting his head on my shoulder because he was now tall enough to do that; it was scary. "You sure?" I nodded again, remembering that Phil and Kristin were happily married and things weren't the same as they used to be. They'd keep me and Tommy, it didn't matter. They promised.

Sometimes when I looked at Tommy, I wondered why stuff like that didn't affect him. He was upset from his autism diagnosis earlier, but even now he had a smile on his face whilst he held Kristin's hand. Meanwhile I'm having traumatic flashbacks and nightmares ever night. Tommy doesn't have that many nightmares anymore; it seems like his stopped right when mine took full force.

The only thing that helps is some quiet music. I listen to it on my phone right up until the moment I'm about to fall asleep and it keeps my brain quiet. I still see her face, but it's a bit better now. Knowing Techno's still dealing with it all too makes me feel a little bit better. I guess I don't know how it's all actually affected Tommy but he just seems so happy all the time? Maybe under the surface he's struggling even more than I am but who knows.

"Right Tommy, can I see the shopping list?" Tommy handed it to Phil and waved Zog about. We'd made the list this morning, whilst finishing our breakfasts. Phil said he wanted Tommy and I to have a bit of independence in the shop, and so a few items on the list were split off for us to go find. But Tommy would probably just stick with Phil now, he kept refusing to let go of his hand as he helped him push the trolley. Phil was clever enough to ask Tommy to pick out the shopping for him anyway, so he has something to focus on and doesn't get as stressed. 

I didn't even try to explain that Tommy and I used to have to go shopping by ourselves all the time, using the money Dad would leave out, to have the house stocked with enough food for the 3 of us (I'm still haunted by the memories of leaving leftovers in the fridge and finding them demolished by the time I'd come to reheat them for dinner; I guess Dad, ahem, Owen always thought they were his). And neither did I breathe a word about the fact that I used to have to meal plan a few weeks in advance and then cook said meals. But somehow, I didn't have to.

"Tubbo?" I looked to Kristin. "I realised the other day bud, that you used to cook all the time. Am I right?" I nodded feeling slightly scared that she may have read my mind. "So, you know we won't force you to be an adult when you're a kid. It's our job to look after you. But would you like to cook?"

"Yea. I'd-d-d-d-d like tha-th-th-that."

"Okay bud, well why don't you and I go choose some ingredients for something for you to cook?" I nodded with a smile, and this is how I wish I'd learnt to cook. Not through poorly written notes based on recipe books I'd found in the library. I'm not surprised I might have growth issues. But Tommy was easy to cook for and mostly we ate the same stuff, I just sometimes had to reduce my portion size so Tommy could be full. It was fine. And I only remember giving us food poising once or twice, which is impressive! I had to start cooking for us when I was 8; how many 8 year olds do you know that could cook a whole meal without being taught to?