Violence

Chapter 112/ Levi POV

Y/N POV

It still haunts me. Sends me shooting up out of a dead sleep at night, coated in sweat, heart racing.

Rain droplets roll down the window, the cast of the moonlight filling the room. The tree outside sways with the wind.

Breathing in I do my best to calm myself.

My hearts racing.

Goosebumps filling my skin, I run my hands over the bed sheets trying to remove the clamminess that refuses to leave.

Inhaling one more time, I hang my head in my lap, bringing my knees up to my chest.

The memory of Faye dying haunts me.

Where is she now? Is she here with me? Is she somewhere with her father? Is she stuck at on the island where she passed?

Swallowing, I allow the thought that terrifies me most.

Was she gone? Was there nothing left of her now? Was there nothing waiting for us on the other side?

Just darkness?

I hadn't allowed myself anytime to think about the possibility, or of her.

It was easier that way. To pretend like it never happened, that she didn't.

At least that version of her would always remain safe, unharmed.

She'd be able to play as a kid still, protected.

My fingers thread through my hair, gripping at the root and yanking.

I hated myself.

For so many things.

Could I even call myself a mother after what happened to her?

Mothers don't let those things happen to their children, they protect and I didn't.

A sigh leaves my lips as I exhale.

I didn't just loose Faye that day. I lost my entire world.

The love of my life.

He hated me now.

And the worst part was...

I wasn't even sure if Levi was still alive, that he had made it out.

Not that it mattered much. Even if he had, obviously he still felt the same.

He didn't want me.

If he did, he would have came for me by now, right?

Inhaling my head lays against my knees as I stare out the dark window.

There was so much I had blocked out.

I hadn't even given myself anytime to think it over who else I lost that day.

Countless comrades and subordinates.

But I also lost Porco.

I refused to allow my mind time to wonder but he was always there in the back of my mind. I hated to admit it but apart of me cared for him still. Maybe it was the fake bond Marley created between us, but he was still a person.

I remember briefly in my haze, watching Levi beg him. I wasn't sure of what he was asking for, I had never seen Levi so vulnerable at someone's mercy.

Porco gave his life for my own.

I ate him.

I ate him because he allowed me to.

I felt sick.