Love in 30 Days or more: Kate and Nate

Meant to Be

It's now April. My birthday is in another week. It's been three months since Nataly.... I know that I can't have her back. It's a cold fact that Nate's already accepted. My depressing moments are getting to him. There's not a single day where I'm not grouchy at him. We fight – more than ever. He tried to get close to me but I wasn't comfortable at all. I grew horns those three months. I couldn't even look him in the face. All I thought was of the disappointment he must have. I never even asked him how he felt but he seemed to be over the crying stage. Of course, he's not happy about Nataly leaving but he doesn't linger in it. Maybe because he hadn't carried her inside of him for months and months. He had only been with her for a month and a half before she left.

I didn't want celebrations for my birthday and had already told everyone this. There were people who were upset but they let me have it my way. I don't know if I'm worth it anymore or if I have a place in the world that matters. It was one of those times that I hadn't fought with Nateand just let him know how I feel. It was two days before I turned 28. Nate and I slept at opposite ends of our bed now. We don't kiss or get close. It's just awkward now. Well, for me. One night, he trid to get close and I just pushed him away. He asked me why I had to be like this. I had lost my ability to love and live the rest of the world. Just because I'm the mother of our now-gone baby doesn't mean I need to be sorrowful. He was the father he said. He feels just as detached to her as I do and in this time, we need each other to support one another and understand and care. He asked me why I'm being so selfish and not letting anyone bring joy to me. I needed a fresh start and I'm not letting him give me a way to find it. I cried – more than I did these past few months and I thought to myself; he's right.

It's true. I'm pushing myself away from everyone and I'm not letting myself be happy. I keep doing it to myself. Of course, I am sad about Nataly but she's in a better place. God has another plan for me. This is all part of my life. I have to do this. I need to pick myself back up. He kissed me gently that night before wrapping his arm around me and sleeping. I couldn't stop thinking about my baby up there. And the tears came again.

A few weeks later, I'm less depressed and feeling better but I can't stop my mourning. Once in a while, we'd get a call to see how we're doing. One day, at church, a little boy came up to me. I was sitting really quietly in my silent prayer. He said to me "Don't be sad. Jesus is my friend and he can be yours too." Before I looked up, he was running away and I saw his mom catch him and they drove away in their car. That was a bit weird. But I took it to heart. He was such a sweetheart. I decided to pick myself back up. It's okay if Nataly isn't physically here, she'll always be inside of my memories and our love.

We went out that night. Nate took me to a movie like the old times. I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. It wasn't awkward. It was natural. It was meant to be.

After all...it was love in 30 days and more...it was meant to be.