Reality's Nightmare

Reality's Nightmare [21]

Dedication.

Katie, Thanks for coming with me all those times. You really don't know how much that all meant to me. And i'm sorry i kept letting you down. :/ I love you.

Steph <3

______________________________________________________

Reality's Nightmare [21]

Realising my pace was a little quicker than i'd have liked, I slowed down. I felt as if i was about to burst into tears with nerves and panic. Why did i even agree to go? There was no point in evening asking that question. Because i knew the answer. I was doing this to make things change. So i could feel happy. And because other people wanted me to get better. This wasn't just about me. I'd be letting down the people that mean the most to me if i didn't go. I had to do this.

Sighing, i tucked that memory away inside my head. Keeping it safe for whenever i needed it. Just for comfort. It was better like this. I knew if i went over and over it again, i'd burn the beautiful memories i had with the people i was doing this for. And i didn't want that. I needed them to help me get through this. I needed those people by my side because they were the only ones who actually cared about me. The one's who were making me go to this councillor. I couldn't do this without them. I just couldn't.

Wind raced around my shoulders, wrapping me in a sharp chill, but this time, i couldn't hear any words. Threatening or positive. I guess that was better than hearing the short, sharp tone i had earlier. My heart felt wrapped in a black sheet, labelled fear. And then another one, labelled nerves. I was wrapped in some many emotions at once, i had no idea what to think for the best, just in case it happened to be wrong.

A tear escaped my tired eyes. Slipping down my ,ghostly, pale cheek and down to my chin. Before it could run further, i wiped it away with my blazer sleeve. Willing the others to stay safely inside my eyes. I'd be a mess in a few minutes, as soon as i started talking about everything, tears always fell. But why start now, just wait a few minutes.

My hand gripped the rusty gold handle to the door. Letting cold air into the corridors as i pulled it open. The two temperature merged. Leaving me indecisive on weather i was hot or cold. There again, i was a mess of emotions, i couldn't pin-point exactly what i was feeling. Not even close. I felt as if a whirlwind had swept through my heart. Confusing everything. leaving my emotions scattered all over the floor, needing me to pick them back up. Helpless, screaming and scared.

My thoughts landed down in the school corridor. My feet took me right, further toward the door, in view of the corridor Kate was going to come from when she eventually left lesson. I'd forgotten to text her and tell her when i'd left but she should know. I hoped she had remembered. I wish i could have had forgotten, Conveniently. But i hadn't. It'd been on my mind all morning. Not shifting at all.

As i became lost in my thoughts, once again, Kate came rushing down the corridor. I guessed she'd only just left lesson. Hopefully we'd be late. But she'd done it so we wouldn't be late. Damn. She could have at least been a few minutes late. Just giving me a few minutes to gather myself but no. Her blondehair swept behind her, landing softly on her shoulders when she eventually slowed her pace and stopped at my feet. I was so jelous of her. I don't think she relised how pretty she was. I'd have given anything to look like her.

 I forced a fake smile onto my face.

'Hey, ready to go?' She spoke quickly. As if she was worried we'd be late. Thats one thing i wasn't worried about. I was worried about going at all. I nodded. A lie. She knew it too. She knew i didn't want to go. But she'd been one of the people wanting me to go. I didn't want to let her down as well as other people. They're trying to help. I had to let them.