Reality's Nightmare

Reality's Nightmare [2]

Dedication.

Katie, Becca, Heather, Nicky, Both Taylor's, Chey, Nicky, Lizzie, Alice, Tasha P, and others, Thank you. You've done so much and i owe you so much.

Thank you.

Steph.

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Reality's nightmare [2]

My tears looked like glass in the shadows, as they rolled down my cheeks, i smiled. Crying was a way of letting go of some anger or hurt.They were fragile, easily breakable, like my heart, it only took a few words and it obtained another crack.

It was exactly a week since i'd told half of my life story to my english teacher. It didnt make me feel or think any better than i had previously. But it gave me someone to talk to, somewhere i could go instead of bottling things up. Keeping so many things inside of me was one of the many things that blocked the road to happiness. I could say anything i wanted to her, and she'd never tell a soul. I trusted her more than i did anyone else. The only other person that sat in the room with me and my english teacher was one of my cloest friends, kate.

Me and kate were reaching for the same dream, but we both knew she had longer arms than me, she'd reach it before i could. We held the same hatrid, aimed at the same people in our lives, our dads. kate had been living in hell for more than half her life. Remembering her tear stained face on the wednesday when she herself had sat in my seat, emptied her heart out with our english teacher, i shuddered. She didnt deserve what her father did to her, she'd been bottling things up for years and each tear she let slip, held a short story or an event.

Her dad had torn strips out of her everyday in the past. Left her with a broken heart and its taken months for her to build back up. My dad was exactly the same, except he didnt let me have time to build myself back up, id build a little bit and be knocked straight back down. He took everything i had, my pride, strengh and my self confidence until all i had left was my writing. Which didnt bother me in the slightest, my world revolved around writing and the english language. I just didnt usually have the time to write much, i was glad for the oppertunity, but the reason's were all wrong.

The tears carried on falling as i sank to the floor, just infront of the kitchen cupboard. The shine from the toaster shone just infront of me, my eyes fixed to it, i curled up into a small ball, because i felt so small. Secretly, i wished i was still that small, i knew if i was still tiny, i wouldnt have the hurt i was feeling this second. i wouldnt have been through the past few months. My future wouldnt be burning infront of my own eyes.

The past week played back in my head, reapeatedly, The tears increased. My face was glistening as it became drenched in the tears. i wiped them away with my loose brown locks, my hair twisted this way and that, as i lost my fingers inside it.

Why couldnt things be like they used to be? I needed to know what id done that was so wrong to make things this bad for me? Nobody deserved this pain. Why me?

I got to my feet again, as i drew the blinds in the kitchen, light once again flooded the room. A mirror came into view as i walked in a complete circle, my eyes stared dimly back at my reflection. I saw a huge let down to everyone i got involved with. Someone different, someone who needed to be dispised. I currently hd no idea why but there had to be a reason.

I quickly wiped all my tears away, i couldnt be seen crying. My parents would know they'd hurt me, and know exactly how to do it in the future. I couldnt bare the pain now, never mind future pain.

The sound of my deep breathing was the only sound that could be heard throughout the whole of the first floor. The peace gave my thoughts chance to escape and explore the paradise deep inside my head. I was secretly afraid of my own thoughts, thinking was dangourous for me. I thought too much. My thoughts had consequences, because most of the time, my thoughts became actions.

I suddenly doubled over, clutching my stomach. My heart had skipped a beat. A stabbing pain rushed through my heart and stomach, at the exact same time. The feeling was unexplainable, all I knew was that it caused violent pain. I straightened up, my mousey brown hair flew behind my ears as I did so. Bringing, what had felt like, a gush of wind to fly past me. My shoulders shivvered and I returned to the floor. I lay still on the soft green carpet in the kitchen. I stared blankly into the sunlight as it covered my tear stained cheeks. I felt like a yo-yo, constantly up and down.

The dizziness might have had something to do with the fact I hadn't eaten or slept for at least a month. But i'd never set out to make myself ill, or to prove a point. I was just feeling so low, it seemed impossible. I knew not eating or sleeping wasnt going to make things better, but i couldnt see how it would make things any worse than they were now.

'you are the sun'

I heard these words repeatedly inside my head. I could no longer see the end of the kitchen. Instead, my vison became full of darkness, with no ending. I felt my knee's go numb as i slid down the kitchen cupboards and landed in a heep on the floor. The lights had gone out. The darkness began to spin as i sat, on the cold floor. Everything felt different. I couldnt see a thing.

The room went completly silent as my breathing slowed, to virtually nothing.