chapter 29

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Ray fold his fingers between each other genuinely listening.

"Honestly Ray, I'm not proud I don't feel much motivation in helping you and I'm not doing this for you. Instead my grandbabies" she said, "what made you think it was easy?"

"Well you raised use yourself so I thought maybe it wasn't that much hard" he said

"I had no choice, sometimes I felt so tired I could pack up and leave but my love for you guys didn't allowed me to. Your dad left us to God knows where abandoning us, I had to get through somehow our conditions may not have been great but you turned out an independent young man with a family. You should treasure them" she said rocking the chair.

"I don't treasure them, that is why I'm trying to fixed this mistake you think if I didn't care I would be trying?" He asked

She sighed then looked at the baby who was dozing off while still gently sucking on the bottle.

"Okay, first thing's first always completes this task everyday for the rest of your life even after things is better. Always tell him you love him"

"I do-"

"Don't rush it. Always say it sincerely let him feel it, if he asked you questions and they seemed silly answer them wholeheartedly. For example if he asked you 'Ray, am I fat?', don't brush it off as him being silly. Answer them let him feel that your still important to him" Deanna said.

"But he is"

"And you have to make him feel it, let him know big small fat skinny, ugly pretty your there for him you love him for him" she said, "your father didn't let me feel reassured and left me like that, even if he wasn't happy with himself you should let him know your happy with him. What made you love Taylor in the first place Ray?".

Ray looked back to his college days. Remembering how happy they were he just knew back then he wanted the rest of his life with Taylor, so when he proposed and was accepted he was over the moon. Then the marriage then before they new it they had Jordan back then his job wasn't so demanding so he had lots of time to spend playing with Jordan spending time with Taylor everything was perfect. Around the time of Taylor's second pregnancy in the 2nd trimester he got an big promotion, that took a lot of his time so he never got to really spend time with his family like he used.

It must've been around that time Jordan got his temper, his tired after work most times and even when he got day off he was mostly sleeping so when Jordan asked to play he would always brush him off. His only 5 so it must have really upset him not having him around, especially since they were so close.

Ray looked at his son who was playing with the dog his mother kept, he relaxed slightly hooking his index finger and gently rub it against his lips in deep thought. Seeing her son in deep contemplation she got up with the baby going to but the put the sleeping baby down.

Ray was reflecting on himself, it was truly different he said it himself the real struggles started around the time of Railey because it's during her time he got busy and inconsiderate about Taylor not deeming his job as hard as his. Both jobs were hard but he should have cut Taylor some slack and at least spend some time with their child who wanted his attention.

"Over here biscuit" the little Jordan said with the toy bone

"Woof! Woof!"

The dog ran over and jumped on Jordan licking him Jordan laughed enjoying biscuit kisses.

"No!, I'm going to slobbered"

Ray sighed he closed his eyes, he was honestly exhausted and can't keep it open it anymore. He can't tell when he last had a 3 or a good hour's sleep he was exhausted both mentally and physically, Deanna came out the check on them seeing that her son fell asleep she smiled. He better rest up because his gonna need that energy.

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