RUBY

Chapter Fourteen: Just A Facade

"We become immortal beings to our inner desires".

ＬＩＳＡ' Ｓ　ＰＯＶ　び央ハ

"Lust is to crave, want.. but in return you make them need you, not just want you. To them, they don't just lust. They start to want more, crave for more, and a broken, hopeless soul like mine, can't afford love".

I gulped hard and pretended to not be affected by the scene in front of me.

The man kissed on her jaw.

"I can't afford love, Jisoo".

"I heard you broke up with Yeji".

I clicked my tongue on the back of my teeth and confirmed, "She broke up with me actually".

"Been hooking up ever since?". Jisoo asked, concern evident in her eyes but she kept her voice light.

"Yes".

"And no girl was able to shake through your walls, Lis?".

I swallowed the liquor hard, recalling the night I had with the woman who was just across from me. "Maybe, but the chances are low. Doubt anyone would, to be honest".

I sadly smiled, "With my last girl, the girl who I helplessly fell in love with and who left me, Yeji. Her and I had affairs when we were friends and were close but unlike the others, I started catching feelings for her. Two years in and she broke up with me a few months ago. Wounds are still fresh. My heart is still heavy, but I distract myself with the girls I'm having fun with". Those emotions that I hide for so long, kind of surface.

Jisoo nodded understandingly at me and squeezed my hand as I continued, "It's like.. a temporary orgasm, to cover up for a deeper pain. We knew each other for two years; dated for a few months, but the pain still here".

"You know Jisoo, it's like none of the people who will read my book, will think much of how I present myself, or how I write. That's why I often hide. Easier to feel the pain this way. Now I'm greedy to fuck, with no strings attached, so I get you about being picky and all". I licked my lips as she listened carefully to my words, like the great listener she is.

"Normal humans don't think out of the box or see what's beyond, but the two of us here; we're way into the darkness, to notice or to acknowledge our feels".

Jisoo's eyes shifted, almost like she was trying to not let those dark thoughts consume her.

She began with a sigh, "Uhuh, for me I don't necessarily want to find love. I'm the type of person that likes entertaining someone in the beginning if I'm interested in them, then I feel bored and inevitably leave; ghost them and I don't feel any guilt at all, for me, it's just a fleeting feeling like you said: temporary, it's like a temporary orgasm".

Her tone turned wicked, "I torture in my mind, as my thoughts have the power and my body is just a medium to fulfill that thought, again, as you said, make them crave you".

"And I don't know how I sensed this, Lisa, but I did. You showed me a preview of your book, and your writing did give something away—like the pain and the darkness just unleashed from you, it was vague but it was there and yes, hiding is both a blessing and a bad thing cause I do it too.. it's coping and it serves fine for me".

I was so happy that Jisoo and I can always relate and are on the same page. She placed her hand on my arm and spoke, "Well buddy, the wounds may be fresh, but they would heal and just remain as a battle scar. Humans—like the people around me say that I have to think out of the box, but if they just stop and think about it, it's not me who's not thinking out of the box—it's them. I don't want to be trapped in their shallow thoughts cause my own thoughts are more than their normal perspective can allow".

I bit my lip when I saw the woman with cat eyes now push the guy slightly away.

Like she was trying to see a reaction from me.

But I remained in my seat.

Not daring to give her a reaction that would give her the satisfaction that she got to me.

I opened my mouth to speak, "The entertainment, push and pull, I get you so much, Jisoo. I do the same thing here, get me a new girl who's in for the lust, get bored, find another one".

"The toxic tendencies". Jisoo shrug her head.

"Toxicity is normalized at its finest, even though it shouldn't, but everything is toxic". I muttered.

When Ruby's eyes locked with mine, I felt the desire leak from underneath my gaze as I spoke to Jisoo.

"They are all temporary heaven-like creatures.. Their faces become vivid, you start to forget who they are, but remember the feeling of 'lust', even 'want'. I don't want to love, but gotta admit, I use them to ease the pain. They want the lust and I want their moans to feed on my ego, make me feel high with a smile on my face. Nothing less, nothing more".

"It's easier to notice your pain, Lisa-ya". Jisoo took a sip of her drink.

"A few do notice the pain and the darkness.. gotta say those are the smart ones. you see, I'm not all about the deep, scattered poetry that is seen in my book. I'm a sinner, a pleaser who wants to introduce and make other people get into the darkness. I turned from writing the bright books since we were in high school, into making dark ones with hidden themes and it's like, I could mention the sun, but represent how lonely it is, yet people still wouldn't understand".

"Women are prone to put on a facade". Jisoo blurted.

I nodded and gulped hard, "With a veil on; they choose to see my words for what they are. Ignoring the pain, sorrow, and how much I'm screaming and begging to live in my writing. But, humans are so blind, because not everything is as it seems".

"They are fooled by what they see".