Emotional Suicide || [EDITING]

Chapter 28

Feeling May in my arms i can tell that whatever we have is never ending .
I honestly don' even know what im stalling for .
Its obvious she feeling me , im feeling her so why not just make her mine before some other fuck nigga beats me to it .
It has to be at the right time though , dont want her rejecting me and damaging my heart .
In most cases it woulda been my pride but with this shorty its my heart .

The jet landed twelve minutes ago but May looks so peaceful when she's asleep she look like she really been going through it recently .

I kiss her cheek and she starts waking up " hey baby ," she smiles at me with her eyes half closed .
Nah ion even know why im tripping , this girl wants me . But she making me feel like i aint slick .

"You sleep okay mama ?" I smile back helping her sit up .

"Wait it feels like we landed ," she looks around as if the only room in the jet with no windows would show her we just landed . 

"Correction ma we landed fourteen minutes ago , i just didnt wanna wake you ."

"Look at you thinking with your head for once ," she laughed " i should probably go get my bags and shit ," she said about to get up .

"Uht uht shordy , you know damn well i got people to do that for you , and if i hadnt i woulda carried your stuff myself , my momma raised a gentleman, " i smirk and she just rolls her eyes and smiles .

"Alright Mr Gentleman,  you dont mind carrying me to the car now do you ?"

I gesture for her to get on my back and we both just laugh and talk while paparazzi start taking pictures from a distance as we get out the jet . When im with this girl i forget that im a celebrity as some would say .
She just brings out the real Tjay .

I have a whole day planned for me and May . I wanna spend today with her while its still quiet before i take her to the hood . I really want her to see the best parts of New York .

After Tjay carried me to the car he rented for the trip we pretty much just talked the whole journey .
It was only me and him in the car , the rest of the gang went in a car that polo flew out .

This shit always comes at the wrong time , one minute me and Tjay are just talking and the next im thinking and then feel my breathing get restricted .
This is way worse than the first time i had a panic attack in front of Tjay .
This time i cant hear him and this time theres tears all over my face .

I can feel him park the car and put me on his lap . I bet he can tell how bad it is cause all he does is put his arms around me and hold me close to his chest  .
The last thing i remember thinking about before this panic attack was what if i ever loose Tjay .
Hes like more than just a friend , the connection we have is deeper than any ive felt .

The day Ajax left me at the park i had a panic attack thinking about him . Now Im having one thinking about Tjay .
This is the worst panick attack ive ever had in all my years .
May be because i haven't taken my meds yet or it could be because this boy means more to me than i ever even imagined .

Tjay's voice starts to faintly become audible , im still having the attack but i have control over my body again .
"Mama its okay im right here , im not  finna let you go baby i promise im not ," he says rubbing circles around my back

I wrap my arms around him and just cry harder into the crook of his neck . He wraps his hands round my back and continues to try to make me feel better .
This boy better never walk out my life , i might just go through some emotional suicide .

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A/n

Heyyy guys so im deleting that must read chapter .
Im back to regular updates .
I just lost motivation for a little bit . But im good again .
I started feelimg like this book was trashy but trash or not theres still some people who read it .
*MoonshinePumpkin
*rightsideupme666
*seweacidpactbeeech

The only reason theres only one watermelon is cause she was reading before this book was even worth reading . Plus she gave me some good ideas that are making me continue this book
So thank youuuuu❤🥺

Bye potatoes 🥔😋