Emotional Suicide || [EDITING]

Chapter 20

"Excuse me what do you mean you wanna stay the night ," i say actually shocked that he asked

"I mean i wanna stay the night shaw ," he said pointing out the obvious he went on when he realized i wasnt playing " i mean in New York i had my momz and here ion got nothing but big hotel rooms with nobody to share them with and i get lonely sometimes ,"

"I only have one bed T," i rolled my eyes .

"Come closer lemme tell you sumn ," i dont know what hes up to but i go closer regardless . "Were already on it just close your eyes and ill hug you till you fall asleep ,"
He doesnt know how bad i want to but im not the type of girl who acts excited about things .
It usually takes me about thirty minutes to fall asleep because of overthinking , you dont know how bad i wanna just let that go and have someone tell me im okay for once .

"You look like your contemplating this shordy , is it your parents would the say sumn," homie normal parents would mind the fuck is he even asking ...but they arent normal they wldnt even notice if i was gone for three days .
I barely even talk to them .
I make my own dinner do my own laundry and shit so were just three strangers sharing a house .

"Okay , say i do let you stay the night then what ? Your bags and stuff for the trip ? Whos finna drop us off? "
I ask as many logical questions as i can . 

"Shaw why you buggin come closer  ," he said yawning and pulling   me closer to him . So close that we were a nose distance away .
For the first time i noticed his brown eyes and how they shine , he smiled at me and for once i had no words no comebacks no objections i was just in shock that one person can make me feel this way .

Hes been doing all the talking because of my recent loss of voice " Shordy ? Turn around and go to sleep we have a five hour journey tomorrow okay ?"

Before you gasp and shit my owm response shocks me " I love you Tjay"

Its getting pretty late and we both need to sleep cause i wanna talk to Shaw for hours on the plane tomorrow. 
Just as i think shes about to give in and go to sleep she smiles the most beautiful smile ive ever seen .
" i love you Tjay ,"

When she said that i felt my heart do tricks and jumps in ma chest . How are three words finna fuck with me like that ?
I know she over Jax or Wax whatever his name was cause shes happier now . She know her worth and im so proud of ha cause she deserves better .
I dont know how she love me though she could mean she love me as " her Tjay " as she calls it .

But now that you think of it she refused to be my bestfriend which would have put us in the friendzone
That may mean she's leaving the window open .

She starts blushimg and turns around then turns back to face me
" ummm T i dont like to face that side i can i ummm lay om your chest instead ," she asks .

"Yea sure just lemme take my shirt off real quick ," i replied my voice comming out deper than intended  and her face was drained of all its colour and replaced by a prominent blush .
I took my shirt off and she hesistantly put her head on my chest and eased into it more when she got comfortable .
I moved my hand onto her waist and pulled her really close , so close i could feel the warmth of her body .

"Shaw ? I love you too , now go to bed and put all the overthinking away fro tonight im right here if you need me ," i say and take the further step of kissing her forehead .
She doesnt flinch ,she doesnt move she just smiles in her persuit to fall asleep .

I love this shawty even if she just a friend i cant imagine life without ha .