Freedom Fighters League of the Exiled

Guilty Conscience

I don't know how long I stood there staring at the ground after Jean stormed off. All I know is I wasn't the only one left feeling this guilt. My whole body felt cold, so much so that it burned. When I finally did pry my eyes off the ground I noticed similar grief-stricken faces all around me. The whole room was dead quiet. We all turned to look the second Mom and Pixis came in talking. Their conversation dropped dead silent the second they looked around the room.

"You look like you've all seen a ghost," Pixis raised an eyebrow waiting for an explanation that never came. We all remained dead silent.

"They are all butt hurt after being lectured," Nanaba finally spoke up. She had been observing the situation with her head held high knowing that she wasn't the one Jean was lecturing to. "Jean yelled at them for the way they've been treating Eren and Levi."

"It's about time," Mom huffed, "you all deserved that one."

"Honestly, you didn't even treat me this bad, half of you have already forgiven me and act like I was never a part of it, but then would instantly give them the cold shoulder," Pixis crossed his arms.

"Still, a lecture wouldn't have you making that face," Mom noted before turning to Nanaba for another explanation.

Nanaba was quiet for a moment. The smug grin fell from her face as she hesitated to give her an answer. She cleared her throat and quietly answered her question. "Apparently it's affected Eren so bad that he had said he wished he had died on the mission," Nanaba explained. Mom wasted no time turning around. She took a few steps before Nanaba jumped up and grabbed her arm, stopping her from walking to their room.

"That's not going to help, besides, Jean made it very clear that anyone that walked into that room tonight would be barbecued."

"I would like to see him try," she said, trying to continue on with what she was going to do, but Nanaba stopped her again.

"It will only do more harm to bring it up than just letting it go. I'm sure it was just said in a moment of frustration, I doubt he actually meant it." Nanaba is lying straight to mom's face and everyone except mom and Pixis knows it.

Jean made it clear Eren's said that multiple times now, and I'm sure Eren must have meant it. I mean for him to say it means he meant it, but to say it multiple times. Not only does he mean it, but he probably genuinely thinks people would be better off if it happened.

"I know you want to march in there and ask him what he's thinking, try and make him feel better, but that's not going to help. I'm sure Eren didn't even know that Jean told us. Besides I'm sure that he will go back to normal and forget about that dark thought now that everyone knows better. Right?" Nanaba asked, turning to the rest of us, glaring us down to answer.

"Right," we all said with a nod.

"Good, you better treat them right, Jean isn't the only one sick of this shit," mom said before Nanaba let go of her arm. "I'm going to bed, Suddenly I've lost my appetite," mom mumbled, mostly talking to Nanaba and Pixis. She continued down the hall with her eyes glued to the ground and her pace slower than before.

Great not only have we managed to make Eren and Levi feel like shit, but we've also pissed off Jean, and now bummed out mom. Who else are we going to hurt tonight?

We all started making our way to our own rooms. None of us are in the mood to talk or eat anymore. I sat down on the bed not really sure what to do. I pulled my knee to my chest as Annie took a seat next to me.

"Mikasa."

"Please not now," I mumbled.

"Look I know you aren't in the mood for and I told you so." she's right I'm not. She told me that I was being unfair to them, that I should probably be nicer and try to forgive them, but I didn't listen and now look at what happened. "That's not what this is," Annie said, placing a hand on my back. "I was just going to say don't beat yourself up too badly. I know you feel responsible, and while yes you had a part of it, you aren't the only one to blame. You all need to share the blame and make it up to them, but don't dwell on the guilt for too long."