Freedom Fighters League of the Exiled

Empathy

I know I should be happy to know that Reiner is around and watching over us, but I think knowing just hurts more. I mean I know he's around but we won't ever be able to see him again. Knowing that he's watching Berthold go down the road to madness unable to do anything physically hurts. He must be losing his mind right now. I wonder if that's why Ymir needed Levi's help because Reiner wants to stop Berthold, but knowing Ymir she won't help him until she thinks Berthold is ready.

I wonder if he's just sitting by Berthold's side trying desperately trying to comfort him, but he can't. I wonder if Berthold knows he's here? I mean he has to have some clue right? If not he's probably hoping he is... unless... Maybe he wishes he wasn't. Maybe Berthold is desperately hoping that Reiner passed on.

I sat up and pulled the pillow into my chest as my heart started to physically hurt at the thought. I mean it makes more sense that way. He wouldn't be acting this way if he knew Reiner could see him, even if he hoped he could. He's probably hoping that Reiner passed on. Maybe in his mind, it would hurt less. He wouldn't have to think that Reiner is just right there but out of reach. That he is instead at peace rather than stuck watching over us in this hell.

I let my mind wander as the somber feeling set in. If I lost Levi would I want him to stick around or pass over? I shook my head as the intrusive thought appeared. No, I don't want to think about that. I don't ever want to think of a world without Levi in it. A world where I have to choose between living without him totally or living with him just out of reach and any conversation having to go through Ymir.

I felt tears sting at my eyes as I couldn't clear those thoughts from my head anymore. More and more intrusive thoughts kept appearing. What if it happens. What if I lose him. What if-.

"Hey baby, hey it's okay, I'm right here I'm not going anywhere," Levi said putting his hand on my back as he sat next to me on the bed. I didn't even hear him come into the room.

"Sorry, I just-." My voice went quiet as the thoughts started to come back. But what if. I shook my head again trying to clear them.

Levi just pulled me into his chest and ran his finger through my hair. "It's okay baby."

"Berthold must be going through hell right now," I finally forced out. I mean I knew he probably wasn't doing well, but anytime anyone tries to help him he tells us he's fine and he doesn't want to talk about it.

"He would be if he let himself feel anything," I heard Levi mumble.

So he's definitely not doing good, he's not letting himself feel because he knows when he does it's going to hurt. Is that why he's going crazy about revenge? Does he think that will help? It won't. I mean don't get me wrong I'm all down for revenge, but this is wrong. When he's done with all of his revenge when there's no one left to take revenge on then what?

I shook my head again and took a deep shaky breath. I need to clear my head from all these thoughts. "Help please," I whispered out with a shaky breath as my body started to tremble.

"Okay, it's okay," Levi said, taking a deep breath and I felt a calm emotion being pushed over me. I felt as my breathing evened out and I was able to take a deep breath with ease. I leaned my head on Levi's shoulder as I closed my eyes and just let myself breathe. It was always a weird feeling when Levi pushed emotions over me. I could feel that they weren't mine and it was almost like someone was sedating me every time that calm feeling is pushed on me. I didn't like the feeling, but I knew it helped the most.

"Feeling better?" Levi asked, rubbing my back.

"Yeah," I whispered, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," Levi said, kissing my cheek. "You don't ever need to apologize for your emotions."

"I know, but it's unfair of me to ask you to force emotions on me because I can't handle my own."

"Hey, don't think of it like that," he said bringing his hand up to my cheek and caressing it lightly, "we all need some help sometimes."

"I seem to need it more than most," I mumbled.

"That's not true. Half the time you're too busy taking care of other people. You do realize the reason you started getting overwhelmed was that you were worried about how Berthold felt right?"

"No I was worried about you and if I lost you."

"I mean at the end maybe a little. It's called empathy Eren. You were thinking about how he felt and what thoughts were going through his head and it's only natural to try and relate to those feelings. And you did just that. Not only did you relate to them, but you physically felt the pain he would be going through."

I just sat there before realizing that Levi knows what's going on in Berthold's head; he's the only one who does. "Wait, so how is he feeling. I know you said he's not letting himself feel anything, but-."

"I know about as much as you guys. He's cut me off too. Whenever I'm near his thoughts and feelings are guarded he's putting up as many walls as he can. He doesn't want to let anyone in if he can help it."

"Of course, he's always been a stubborn bastard, he's just usually been quieter about his stubbornness whereas Reiner was always open about his."

"They were the perfect match, they could always make each other cave in. We really need Reiner to bring Bertholf back before it's too late. I don't want to lose him too. At this point, we're going to lose the Berthold we knew."

"Reiner wants to help trust me it hurts him just as much as it hurts us probably more, but right now Ymir doesn't think Berthold is ready for that, and honestly neither do I. He's not ready to open up to us, he's definitely not ready to accept the fact that Reiner can see everything he's doing. Like you were thinking earlier I think he's hoping that Reiner can't see him."

"Have you heard any of his thoughts about Reiner at least?"

"None. As far as I can tell he hasn't thought about him much aside from the face he wants to get revenge to make his death mean something."

"Great," I let out a sigh. Well, that's pretty much what we all know.

"So what did they have to say?" I asked remembering that Levi was practically pacing about this information earlier.

"Well, nothing much. They said that they know a bit more information, but that it's harder to come by since no other groups of exiles are looking into this. Molbit was able to find the most information, but even that isn't much."

"Well, what do they know?"

"Well," he sighed and I knew that it wasn't going to be good, "not a lot, we know there's going to be press conferences, but there aren't any official dates released as of yet."

"So basically they've learned nothing."

"Not exactly," he shrugged, "they learned more about past news broadcasts and articles, so we were able to figure out what they were saying and why people are able to turn a blind eye with ease."

"Oh. Do I even want to know?" I asked.

"Not really. The shit they were making up was pretty awful."

"Great. Do we have any way to combat that yet?"

"They were looking into it. We can't exactly debunk what they're saying without exposing ourselves just yet, but we were trying to think of a way we could without putting ourselves in danger."

"Wait you said there were press conferences coming up?"

"Yeah."

"I might have an idea of how we could get a message out there without directly exposing ourselves to danger," I said and Levi just looked at me confused. He read my mind and gave me a smile.

"Have I ever told you that you're a genius?" he asked.

"A few times, but it's nice to hear it again."

"Well you're a fucking genius," he said before placing a kiss on my cheek. "Write that down and when the time comes you need to tell them about that plan."

"I will."