Fallen Too Deep

(64) A Toast

Nathan

"I slept with someone else." Such complete and utter fucking bullshit. I almost took it back too, the second I said it. The look in her eyes — fuck. It lasted a few seconds, before shutters came down on her normally expressive blue eyes. They lost their sparkle, and all expression after I uttered the four words that broke her and me.

I had to do something. She was trying to fix it, like she always does. She knew me. She wanted to be there for me, she knew there was a problem and instead of running away from it she wanted to fix it.

I was still mind blown by her ability to always be the one willing to speak up. I didn't grow up like that. My mother never would've done that shit, Cooper shot her and down and what did she do? She became an alcoholic and when that didn't suffice, she became a drug addict.

They were so fucking different, part of me was expecting her to hear me say I wanted to leave her and she spirals. But no. She straight up told me 'no'. I almost started laughing. Because who the hell? Who says no when someone breaks up with you? Sofia, that's who. I was so full of shit.

Hell, if it wasn't for my phone burning a whole in my pocket from a message from Cooper asking 'if it was taken care of', I'd have stopped this stupid breakup in the first place. But I knew Cooper. Cooper didn't bluff. It wasn't his style. He didn't like to waste time, if he wanted to do something, nothing was going to stop him.

So I said the one thing I knew Sofia wouldn't forgive. It pained me to do it. It tore me in half to watch her literally shut down in front of my eyes, and I felt like I could hear my heart breaking at the thought of my words breaking her. She became so numb, I worried for her when she left. There was no way she could drive like that.

I even chased after her, but by the time I made it down, she was gone. Like she couldn't wait to be away from me. And my heart broke, because I knew that was it. I knew she wouldn't forgive me, hell, even if I wanted redemption I couldn't have it. What the hell would I say? 'I made it all up.' Who in their right minds would believe that? Sofia wouldn't.

So I went back upstairs, grabbed my car keys, and went to the store before heading back to my apartment.

The one that had memories of her everywhere. Everywhere I fucking looked I saw her. I winced as I passed by the living room. I'd never seen Sofia look that broken before, and I did that.

I was about to go in my room, but then decided to steer clear of there too. She was the only girl I brought in there. The only one. I'd never bring another girl in my room, in my bed, in my heart. My heart would never forget her, nor would I let someone else try and replace her place in it.

I went to the kitchen, wincing when I remembered how many times she and Isaac studied there. The last time I asked her to go to New York with me.

Motherfucker. I gripped the bag I had in my hand and pulled out the bottle, getting away from the kitchen. That left one place. Isaac's room.

I opened the bottle of alcohol and sat on Isaac's bed, hesitating for a moment, before taking a sip. I raised the bottle to the ceiling, feeling a sense of guilt for judging my mom so hard when she was nursing a broken heart.

"Cheers, mom." I mumbled, taking another sip.

💜

Growing up, my mom never really had hangovers, which was strange. She just kinda...bounced back. She'd drink herself into a frenzy one night and be perfectly okay the following morning. It made me think that was how alcohol was for everybody. But I'd also seen Isaac hungover, so I knew hangovers did exist.

I was expecting me to inherit my mom's killer alcohol tolerance. What did I end up getting? The shittiest tolerance known to man. Because, fuck, it's been a week and I haven't gotten used to the damn hangovers.

"You're sleeping in my room again?" Isaac's voice was too loud for my pounding head.

I groaned in pain, fuck my head hurt. "I can't go in my room." I mumbled.

I kept my eyes closed, my face buried in the pillow. I knew if I got up, I'd just be nauseous.

"Get up, Nate." Isaac sounded as tired as I felt.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." I responded. I heard footsteps and assumed he was leaving, and I grinned in my head. Finally. I could go back to sleep.

A bright light shined through my closed lids and I hissed at the sharp pain in my head. "Motherfucker." I hissed, knowing Isaac was the reason there was so much light invading his room.

"You reek of alcohol. Get the fuck up. Now. We have to talk." Talk? I didn't want to fucking talk. If I wanted to talk, I'd call a fucking therapist. Hell, maybe I needed one. Nah, I definitely needed one.

"I'm good." I said, as if he was giving me a choice. Which he wasn't.

"I didn't ask if you were good. I'm telling you we need to talk." His voice nagged and nagged and nagged in my head. God, I hope I never made Isaac feel this annoyed when he was hungover.

"Fine." I growled, my eyes fluttering open. I ignored the wave of nausea coming over me as I stumbled out of his bed, shouldering past him as I went to the kitchen. I didn't even spare the living room a glance.

"What the hell are you doing?" Isaac's voice followed me.

"What's it look like?" I tipped back the shot I had poured myself.

"At noon?" He sounded like he couldn't believe it. A month ago, hell, two weeks ago, I'd have never thought I'd see myself in this position. Here we are.

"At noon. Want one?" I poured another shot, and downed that too.

"No." His voice was laced with disgust. I shrugged. More for me.

"I talked to Sofia." My entire body went still. Isaac noticed it too, even though I tried to play it off.

"How is she?" I cleared my throat.

"Honestly? I don't even wanna give you the satisfaction of that answer. She said you cheated on her. What the fuck?" My mind must've been foggy as fuck because I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

"What?" I wracked my brain until it dawned on me. "Oh. Right. That's what I told her." I poured myself another shot.

"Okay, you need to stop. It's not even two p.m. yet, you need to eat something. You need to shower." All these demands. Fuck that.

"You need to mind your damn business." I snapped back.

"You gonna explain to me what the fuck happened? You couldn't have cheated on her, because you were with me the entire time." Always too smart for his own good. It was why he was going to fucking med school.
I didn't say anything at first, and then lifted my hand that was holding the shot glass.

"I didn't. But I do wanna make a toast. To Cooper. The motherfucker. And to losing the love of my life." I stumbled a bit before I downed the shot and then left a confused Isaac alone in the kitchen.