Fallen Too Deep

(61) Dreading It

When I woke up, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Literally.

When my eyes fluttered open, I realized why. Nathan was holding me so tight in his sleep, his brows were furrowed and his jaw was flexed. He looked nothing like he usually did when he was sleeping.

He didn't look calm or content, he looked even more stressed in his sleep right now than he looked when he was awake.

The thought made me gulp. Was it because I told him I loved him? He didn't expect me to say it, hell I didn't expect myself to say it. But I did. And I couldn't take it back now.

There were so many things I imagined him saying when I said it, I was even planning on waiting to see if he said it first. I didn't know what came over me last night. Nothing could've prepared me for the response I got. The response being, literally nothing. He didn't say it back, he didn't say anything back.

What the hell were we even doing then? People fall in love in relationships, right? Hell, I'd never even told Seth I loved him. Nathan was the first guy I fell in love with, and he didn't even say it back. Perfect.

As if sensing me staring, Nathan's eyes fluttered open and his serious face didn't change as he looked down at me.

Neither of us said anything, and I gulped to keep from crying. Something was different, he was looking at me different.

"We should talk." I was surprised when he was the first one to break the silence. His grip loosened on me and I sat up, pulling the blankets up with me to cover my nakedness. I rubbed my eyes, breathing in and out through my nose.

"Yeah, I guess we should." I mumbled. Everything in me was screaming to avoid this conversation.

I jumped when I heard a squeal loud enough to wake up all of Philly coming from somewhere in the apartment. What the hell? Was that Kristina?

"What was--" Nathan's words were caught off when my door swung open and an overly happy, cracked-up looking Kristina jumped up and down in my room. What the hell was happening?

My hands tightened on the blanket around me.

"Kristina, we talked about you knocking." I sounded as defeated as I felt.

"Shut up, Alyssa's giving birth! We have to go. Like now." What? My eyebrows shooted to the moon.

"What?" Alyssa was giving birth? Oh my God...

"My parents are catching the next flight to New York, yours are too. Come on! I wanna make it by the time they let us all in." Kristina was practically jumping from wall to wall. "You have ten minutes to get some clothes in a bag, we're staying a couple days! Up, up up!" She clapped her hands and then as soon as she barged in, she left. I turned my head to look at Nathan over my shoulder, and gulped at the guarded look in his eyes. Every shield I worked so hard to tear down had gone right back up. Because I told him I loved him.

"Sofia--"

"I'm gonna go be with my sister, and when I come back...we're gonna talk after. Okay?" I couldn't handle this right now.

I couldn't handle the talk with Nathan and having to be happy about my sister's baby after. If I put the talk on hold, then I didn't have to pretend. I could easily be happy that my sister was giving birth. I was happy that my sister was giving birth.

💜

Seeing everyone so happy made me happy. It made me momentarily forget that my relationship was possibly about to end when I got back to Philly.

Alyssa was too distracted to be pissed that I didn't see her when I was here, but it didn't stop me from feeling like a horrible sister.

Then everything melted away when I met baby Alena. She was so freaking cute. I held her in my arms, her dirty blonde curls were tucked away in a pink hat. I wanted to cry when I saw her blue-green eyes peering up at me like I was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen. To be fair, she hadn't really seen much.

And I wanted to cry when I saw how happy Alyssa and Jake were. How happy Lily was to meet her little sister. Alyssa had to spend the night in the hospital so they could monitor her, my dad and Jake insisted on staying with her. My mom definitely wasn't leaving Alyssa's side anytime soon.

The rest of us were forced to go home and rest at Alyssa's house. Aunt Kaela took pity on us all and cooked enough food to feed a village while we were sitting ducks as we waited for tomorrow to come so Alyssa could come home with Alena.

Then everyone was going to sleep, and I didn't feel so tired. Lily wanted me to put her to bed, so I did. I felt like a robot until I was alone with Lily. She had a way of melting away any and every worry. I momentarily forgot everything while I was with her.

"Can we pwease wead the whittle memaid?" She peered up at me with those big, pleading eyes and how could I say no to her?

"Of course we can, sweet girl." I plucked the book out of her little bookshelf and made myself comfortable -- as comfortable as a grown adult can make themselves on a twin bed for kids.

Lily curled into my side and my heart melted as I stroked her hand with one hand while I held the book open with the other hand. I was only halfway through the story when Lily drifted off the sleep. Ah man, I was getting into it.

I knew I should've stopped reading, but hell, kids stories had a way of hooking you. So, I finished reading the damn book to myself. Even though I'd read and watched the Little Mermaid more times than I could ever count. It had been a while, okay?

When I got up to tuck Lily in properly, she stirred and I mentally cursed myself.

"Stay with me, auntie." Her little voice was so quiet I thought maybe she was sleep talking.

"I am, sweetheart, I'm gonna sleep on the floor. Okay?" I prayed that was enough to get her back to sleep.

There was no way I was sleeping on this tiny ass bed with her without getting more injuries than I could count. Sore back, bruises from pressing into the wood...the list was endless.

I let out a breath of relief when she seemed content with my response, or she was just too tired, and she drifted off back to sleep.

I made my way to the kitchen, needing some water. I was rarely in this house. Alyssa usually came to us, we didn't usually come to her. Yet, I practically had a photographic memory so of course, I knew this house like I knew my childhood home.

I grabbed a clean glass and filled it up with water from the fridge door, then made my way out to the patio for some fresh air. And then instantly regretted it.

I had forgotten to grab a jacket or a blanket or something. And I was holding freezing water in even more freezing weather.

"You're gonna freeze to death, dumbass." My lovely little sister, ladies and gentlemen. I turned to the bench on the patio, and saw her cuddled up with a blanket there. She smiled at me and opened her arms so I could join her on the blanket, and I easily complied.

"Thanks, Liv." I took a sip of the water and set it down on the bench before wrapping the blanket around us. We just sat there, in comfortable silence.

"Why are you out here?" I broke the silence by asking.

"Why are you?" She responded.

I shrugged. "It's peaceful out here."

"I know right?" That was the end of our conversation. Liv laid her head on my shoulder and I laid mine on hers.

Part of me wanted to stay here. I didn't want to see what was waiting for me back in Philly. I knew me and Nathan had to talk, and I was dreading it.

Sooo theres only a couple more chapters left and I'm planning on doing a second book I had a whole thing planned out & I really wanna stick to that, thank you Sm for reading :)