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Brenda

I still can't believe that I'm pregnant.

I'm so happy and thankful but at the same time a bit scared.

Lately I've been feeling off. Having some pretty bad cramps.

I'm currently in my  5th month so I'm just over the half mark. Anything can happen.

I'm due in a couple weeks for a check up, but I honestly feel like I should go in before that.

I'm just gonna go in to see if they can check on the baby, with all the cramps I've been having. If nothing else I can just go into the ER as a precautionary measure.

A little later

So I've gotten to the doctors office and told them how I've been feeling. They took me back immediately given my history of not really supposed to have been able to get pregnant to start with.

The doctor quickly does an exam but says she's not finding a heartbeat.

I felt dizzy and sick.

She recommended me to call someone and I'd be taken to the hospital for a prompt removal of my baby.

There was nothing that could be done at this point.

I don't know why I did it but I called Harry. Not my husband, Louis, but Harry. I wasn't thinking clearly.

I simply left a message that I had lost my baby. I was being taken to the hospital. Could he please let Louis know where I was and what happened? I was sobbing by the time I hung up.

I really didn't know what I thought Harry could do, but I was too ashamed to tell Louis myself. I am such a failure to everyone. My husband, my son, hell even my best friend don't trust me anymore. I've completely failed myself worst of all.

What kind of woman am I? I couldn't keep my fiance. I can't even have his children not that we finally got married. No wonder he left to start with.

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