Spark in the Dark

Chapter 132

Juice walked into St. Thomas alone that night. Tig had decided to drown himself in Cro Eaters and whiskey for the night, not that Juice could blame him. Chibs had offered to go with him to the hospital, but Juice just wanted to be alone. He had almost constantly had one of the guys with him the last few days. The only time he was ever alone was at night.

He was sleeping in the clubhouse. He couldn't sleep in that bed without Shawn. He had been in the house long enough to get himself a few things after it had been cleaned. Between Happy cleaning up the mess he made beating the shit out of Brent and the girls cleaning up the rest, you couldn't even tell something bad had happened there.

Only once did a Cro Eater come into his room at the clubhouse, trying to offer him some comfort. Juice had yelled at her so harshly, none of the others even looked at him. That was fine with Juice. Shawn was the only girl he wanted. She was the only one he was ever going to want, again. If she never wanted to have sex after this, that would be fine with Juice, too. As long as she let him still be her's in every other way, that was all he would ever need.

He saw Tara at a nurse's station as he got off the elevator. He walked over to her.

"Can I go in?" Juice asked anxiously.

"I'm not sure," Tara said, uneasily. "It was a rough day. Jax didn't help. He went in while I wasn't around. Neither of them told me what he said, but he feels like shit for it."

"Jax saw her?"

"Yeah." Tara answered and Juice turned and walked in the direction of Shawn's room. "What are you doing?"

"Taking care of my girlfriend," Juice called over his shoulder.

He walked into the room and Shawn looked over at him.

"No, Juice, please. I'm sorry, but I'm just not ready-"

Juice grabbed the hospital curtain used to divide the room as she talked and pulled it closed, stopping Shawn midsentence.

"There. You can't see me. If you want me to go, I'll go. Please just let me sit here. You don't have to talk. I won't talk if you don't want me to. I just want to hear you breathing. I want to know you're alive."

"Okay," Shawn agreed. Her heart ached with out much love she had for him in that moment. For a moment, she thought about pulling back the curtain and kissing him, but she didn't know how she would react to touching him. She had already recoiled from Jax, she didn't want to do that to Juice, too. The thought of hurting him like that brought tears to her eyes. "Can you see the TV?"

"Uh, hold on," Juice said. Shawn heard him drag the chair, then the curtain moved a bit. "Now I can."

"Is this okay?" Shawn asked about the show she had on. It was some home decorating show.

"Yeah. Don't tell any of the guys, but I actually sort of enjoy this shit."

Shawn let out a small laugh through her tears. It was the first time she smiled in days.

"I love you," she told him.

"I love you, too."

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

Juice winced as the image of Brent on top of her flashed before his eyes, again. "I'd rather it be me than someone else."

Shawn hadn't thought of it like that. If it had to happen, she was thankful it had been Juice to find her, too. "I know, that had to be hard on you, though."

"It was at first. Now that you're speaking to me, again, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry I didn't let you in sooner. I just-"