Into the Rage

Chapter 56

My eyelids felt like lead weights and they were certainly making me work to get them open but when they did open, the first thing I noticed was Declan sitting by my bed.

He looked awful but at this moment I was hurt and disappointed in his treatment of me and I found myself struggling with whether I even wanted to be with him anymore.

The thought of that broke my heart as the tears crept down my cheeks. I turned my head away from him because I did not want him to see me crying.

"Am?" He called out, sounding as tired as I felt. I didn't answer him at first, so he spoke again. "I know I have no right to ask you to answer me but please talk to me."

Sighing, I answered him, not turning to look at him. "You're right, you don't." I was caught up in an eternal war with myself.

Part of me wanted nothing to do with him while the other part wanted to forgive him, but I had already warned him that night when he came to Hyannis that he wasn't to mistreat me again and yet he did.

Before I could say anything else, Devon walked in and asked for Declan. Telling him whatever, Declan mumbled that he'd be right back and left the room and that's when Devon walked around to the other side of my bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked, concerned. I just shrugged. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to anyone but he didn't deserve my spite.

"Really tired and a little hungry" I told him truthfully. "Well I can get you some soup or something like that if you're interested" he said. I told him that sounded good.

But before he could leave to go get it, Declan came back in followed by Dr. Dhoot. What was she doing here? I wondered.

"Amethyst how are you feeling?" She asked gently. "Stupid" I said, looking right at Declan and then back at her.

"I take it that no one has spoken to you yet?" She asked. I know I must have looked confused. "Uh no. But why would they?" I replied.

She walked closer, smiled and put her hand down on top of mine. "Well my dear it would seem that the procedure worked. The blood work has confirmed it. You're pregnant Amethyst."

My hand flew to my mouth, my eyes closed tightly as the gravity of what she just told me seeped in. My body was housing a child that had been conceived in love, but what if I couldn't love him anymore? This was exciting and overwhelming at the same time.

"I couldn't be very far along considering we just did the procedure two weeks ago" I told her.

"When did you and Declan have intercourse?" She asked as I blushed and Declan cleared his throat. "The third day" I replied. "Hmm well I'd say you got pregnant that night" she commented.

"What is the next step?" I asked her. "First, you need to start replenishing your sleep. You have deprived yourself and that needs correcting. Second, we need to fatten you up. You are much too thin.

Start off with soup or broth and then as you get acclimated to that, you can increase your food intake. They are going to keep you one more day and you may go home day after tomorrow.

I am scheduling a sonogram for you today, that will determine the stage you are at in your pregnancy and I want you to keep the stress down."

We talked a bit more and then she left and right after that, Devon left, saying he'd check in on us later.

Declan was leaning up against the wall, opposite me, with his ankles crossed and hands in his pocket, his eyes boring holes into my very soul.

It was unnerving to say the least. "Can we talk?" He asked after a bit of awkward silence. "I guess" I answered, a noncommittal tone to my voice.

"I had my mom postpone the venues, flowers, cake and guests" he started off with first. "Yeah probably for the best" I said shortly. "I'm still trying to figure out if I even want that anymore."

That hurt him, a blind man could see it. "Are you saying you don't want me?" That's when I looked at him. "Well I don't know Declan. Do you really want a lying whore for a wife?" I spat.

He visibly blanched at my statement. "Am, I won't pretend to even know how badly I hurt you but please, I just need to know one thing. Are you going to leave me?"

I knew it was coming and while I really didn't want to, I couldn't sleep in the same bed as him until this mess was worked out and I'd forgiven him.

"I'm not leaving Declan but I won't be sleeping in the same bed as you. I will take one of the guest rooms for now and you'd better take it or leave it because that's all I can give you right now."

He didn't try to argue, in fact he accepted it very well, given the state of our relationship right now.

"I'm going to say something else as well. Mari, if you can't stay away from her, I'm out. I will not settle for being someone's 'second'.

It's me or her and I had better not find out that you so much as kissed her, or I'm gone and you will only see your child every other week and on weekends."

I knew I was being a bitch but there was no backing down from this. He was going to have to work hard at getting me back.

"You will never see her again and I swear to you, I never touched her sexually. Did I think about it? Honestly, yes, but I couldn't.

You see, I don't love her and when you have sex with someone, it needs to be with the person you love and I love you."

I won't lie and say that his statement didn't leave me feeling extremely happy, it did, but I wasn't going to share any of those emotions with him just yet.

Before we could say anything else, an OB sonogram technician came into my room for the sonogram.

They would do a transvaginal ultrasound which meant a condom would be rolled onto a wand looking instrument and inserted into my vagina.

I told Declan he could come closer, so he could see.  I wasn't so heartless as to not let the man see his baby and when it was all said and done, our baby was this tiny little blip on the screen, but he was ours nonetheless.

Declan just kept saying "Oh wow" at everything and at one point I couldn't help but giggle at his childlike behavior, it was cute, even if I didn't want to admit it right now.

We had created a life and I had given him what I had longed to gift him and if we somehow managed to make it through this intact, I knew we would be a happy family.  We just had to figure our way through this first.