Into the Rage

Chapter 13

Even though I promised Declan that we would talk about my past, I had successfully dodged that bullet for four months.

Yes, Declan and I had been seeing each other for four months now and everything was going so great until the last couple of weeks.

He'd become a little distant and it'd been two days since I'd seen him or spoken with him and the texts I had sent got single word responses.

I wasn't sleeping well and in fact I was increasing my sessions with Dr. Webster because my nightmares had come back.

One night they were so bad, I ended up sleeping in my bathtub with a knife and then Constance called Nigella and she descended upon my apartment and stayed the night.

"You look bleedin awful" she said.  Gee thanks I thought, but I couldn't fault her for being brutally honest with me because I needed it.

"I swear Nig, I have no clue what's going on with him.  We were doing so well and then a couple of weeks back he started acting all weird and wouldn't talk to me.

I have to know, Nigella.  Is he seeing someone else?  This not knowing is driving me batsh*t crazy and I need to salvage what's left of my life and move on if that's the case" I sniffled, my nose sounding stuffy from all of the crying.

"Am, to my knowledge, he's not seeing anyone.  If anything he's working crazy hours and sleeping at the office.  Even Murray can't figure it out."

Nigella stayed another night, but was up and gone to work by the time I got up and started moving around.

I couldn't take this cavernous hole that had developed between Declan and I, I felt like I was dying inside and I didn't want to live like this anymore.

I showered, dressed in simple cream leggings and a pink sweater, no makeup and white Chuck Taylor's and set off for his office, for better or worse, this was getting fixed today.

Nig said he wasn't eating regularly, so I stopped at his favorite coffee shop and got him his flavored coffee and a chocolate chip croissant.

Jan smiled a sad little smile when she saw me.  "I don't know if it's such a great idea dropping in on him today, Amethyst.  He's in a mood and has been for a while."

I heard her, but I was taking my chances when I softly knocked on his door and was greeted by his rough voice.

"Come in" he sounded tired and cranky.  I opened the door with great trepidation but nothing prepared me for what I saw and how he acted.

His facial hair was grown in a little more and he barely made eye contact with me, brushing me off.

"I'm busy today, Amethyst."  Very curt and very dismissive.  I swallowed the lump in my throat but continued on.

"I know" I started softly.  "I just wanted to make sure you were eating and getting enough sleep."

He scoffed.  Well that hurt.  Then silence.

"Here.  I brought you that coffee you like and a chocolate chip croissant."  I walked over and sat it on his desk, waiting for something.  Anything.

"Thanks.  You can go now." He snapped.

I couldn't help the tears forming and if he would just look at me, he'd see the awful shape I was in but it seemed like he didn't care.